Dick Lemon

So, Jack, is this beautiful genius the best employee you've ever had or what? / No.

I like this guy's honesty. / Yeah, me too.

Show us what you've been working on, Wilma Shakespeare.

They built all of this because of words you wrote.

I'm the lady from 'Flashdance'! / That's a good 'Flashdance,' honey. Good 'Flashdance.'

Oh, I love that name! C. C. / Ooh, I'll be any girlfriend of yours is a real winner! / Well, she is a congresswoman. / Oh, my goodness! Congresswoman!

Oh, in his mind, Reagan is still president. / You lucky bastard.

Jack, you laced those up like a professional. / Good for you! / Nice to have some positive reinforcement, isn't it?

Wouldn't be a Lemon party without old Dick.

You know why I stay with you, Dick?! Yes, I do know. Because I have nothing to give another man! / 'Cause you have no income of your own.

and help us to further understand that curious race we call human.

Who are they? Oh, we're interviewing for your replacement, so if you could just... Bye-Bye, Tommy!

So, uh, can we reach you at the transmitter in your head? I have a machine.

So, uh, Christie, how you gettin' along with your body? You like the boobs? No. No, I really don't.

Mmm. Yeah. The smaller ones aren't as much fun.

These walls are real cinder block. Oh, I don't think so. Dear god, they are!

I guess he's asleep. I don't think he's asleep. I think he's passed out. Kahlua and creme.

If you wanted to say that you learned a lot from me, too... that would be fine. Uh... I mean, I must've learned something.

See ya later, cind. See ya later, cind. I think she thinks you're a dork.

Oh, no, but it's gotten much better. We just painted.

Yeah. You know, that sort of anti-social, rebellious act that wreaks havoc, but makes you the most popular man on campus.

Something much more destructive than that. You've got to do some real damage if you want to set the girls' hearts a-flutter.

Oh, yeah. He'll have to flip. He'll have to flip! Ha HA!

Dick, open the door. You have the... You have the doorknob. I know. Oh, my god! You planned this. You're trying to get me expelled! Bingo!

Sure. Blame dad. I suppose you'll be sending this good-for-nothing home with me. Well, it is a serious offense. Where are the expulsion forms, in your desk? I could give you a leg up.

Tommy, for your infraction, I am issuing a warning. That's it, Tommy. Pack your bags. Get in the car... A warning?

But a warning? Why don't you just give him a big wet kiss?

You should wipe scum like this off your campus! I remember my own freshman prank. I messed with the marching band's formation and made 'em spell out a dirty word.

Wait a minute. I'm gonna call her up. She ought to see this. Such attention to detail. I love the coffee mug. Thank you. The coffee mug was my idea.

Oh, ha ha ha. You know, I don't even know who you are anymore. You've changed. Oh, yes, with your new life of learning, your internet, your nintendo, your fancy friends. Your tv, your virtual reality, your... your... and your... I... I don't even know!

I don't want you to go. I don't want you to go.

Parenting's hard. You give love, you give encouragement, you give support... and then, if you do a good job, they just go away.

Parental love at It's best. It's the only love there is that inevitably leads to separation. How do you always know these things? I'm the information officer.

You came on to him, huh? Yeah, like Germany came on to Poland.

He's separating his whites. Yeah, and maybe starting to presoak. Mmm. I hope he goes easy on the bleach, but you know Tommy. He won't. No. Never.

I wonder what Tommy's doing right now? He's separating his whites. Yeah, and maybe starting to presoak. Mmm. I hope he goes easy on the bleach, but you know Tommy. He won't. No. Never.