Alan Connor

Your mouth isn't curved upwards. Did I misread something?

Ah...Tango? - Sundance. We worked with different partners. - Got it.

Remember when you asked for my secret, I said yoga? I lied.

Yeah. I quit doing blow, not being rad.

Well, those cargo pants would suggest otherwise.

If they gave away awards for mind games, the statue'd be Jeff Winger doing it to a brain.

You're bald. - So are you. - I'll kill you, you... Come here! - Mistrial.

Jeff, you know what lawyers call someone who defrauds the state bar, cheats on his SATs, and cons his way into a firm? Best...Lawyer...Ever.

Anyone else with that hand would wear a glove. He controls a room with it. He's the master.

Thompson that adopted three at-risk teens and donated his kidney to a temp. - All an act. - Yeah. Why do you think he quit right after you left? - Well, his... his wife died. - Did she...Jeff? Did...She?

Hawthorne's a cash cow, and old a-con here is tugging at that teat. That's money. Money. Please stop that.

Hey, just go easy on Shirley. / Scout's honor, Sinead O'Connor.

Would you think less of Shirley Bennett if she offered to sell Ben on craigslist for a chance to bump it with Denzel? That was a joke for my cousin.

I thought you said you were gonna go easy. / Felt easy to me.

Miss Daisy's in the house, thanks for the ride, sorry about slavery.

That shark thing was not a metaphor. I'm the big dog now.

You can if you're dead. That shark thing was not a metaphor.

Why didn't you just do some inspirational speech about friendship? You're fired.

By the way, never got a chance to tell you this, but it was me who turned you in to the state bar. I know. And I never got a chance to thank you.

This place has made you so gay. Hey! Don't use 'gay' as a derogatory term. Booyah, good person.

Maybe you should've spent less money on special effect.

Relax, tango. I come in peace.

Weird choice, by the way, the bachelor's degree on the wall.

Jeff, I once saw you convince an arson victim that he liked his house better burned.

the next bone you get thrown might be through a dude's zipper in the warehouse district

My wife left. My girlfriend dumped me. And they're sisters, so now the whole family's pissed.

Classic Winger.

I'm gonna go score some blow. My dealer's a gym teacher here.