Chokin' and Tokin'

Student · Cafeteria Worker:Student questioning cafeteria worker about meat recycling: 'So is it the same meat? Are you guys recycling the meat?' 'It's different meat.' 'Yeah, well... I guess you would have to say that, right?'

Lunch Lady:'Excellent choice, sir' - lunch lady's sarcastic response

Daniel:Daniel: 'Some Salisbury dog meat for us, please.'

Lindsay · Nick:Lindsay: 'You're kinda stoned.' Nick: 'I'm very stoned.'

Mark · Nick:Mark's dad destroying grow lights: 'My dad found my grow lights, and he ran over them with his car.' 'He better have.'

Harold:Harold struggling with TV channel selection - multiple failed attempts

Harold · Sam:Harold: 'Sam, who's your favorite Angel?' Sam: 'I like Bosley.' Harold: 'Bosley? Nobody watches this show for Bosley.'

Harold · Lindsay:Harold's double standard: 'I just think there comes a time in a young man's life when he should begin testing the waters.' Lindsay: 'What about me testing the waters?' 'You can test the waters, too--after you get married.'

Harold:'The Cindy ship has sailed. It's time to board another vessel.'

Neal · Sam:Neal's metaphor: 'The Cindy Sanders of this world are just...hors d'oeuvres. Vicki is a 5-course meal.' Sam: 'Horwhat?'

Bully · Bill:'Hey, Bill. Bill, you want some crushed nuts with your sundae?' Bill: 'My what?' 'OHH!'

Bill:Bill: 'That guy needs a new joke.'

Bill:Bill's allergy list escalation: 'Well, a lot of things are on that list--like, bees and air and cats and dogs. Well, not dogs. Well, some dogs. If I eat a peanut, I could die.'

Alan · Bill:Alan: 'So don't eat 'em, dork.' Bill: 'I don't. If I did, I could die.'

Bill:Bill oversharing: 'Like...like, Neal has psoriasis, which is like lizard skin. And Sam passes out if he even thinks about blood.'

Neal:Neal's psoriasis defense: 'Hey. It's called psoriasis, and 10% of the population will suffer from it at some point in their life. It's nothing to be ashamed of.'

Neal:Neal's detailed psoriasis statistics

Sam:Sam vs Bill romantic prospects: 'I got a better chance with Miss Foote than you have with Vicki, and I don't have a chance at all.'

Daniel:Daniel on Nick's pot sharing: 'You haven't passed a joint in your life.'

Nick:Nick's desperation: 'I almost smoked my mom's ferns last night.'

Teacher:Teacher's Bill peanut joke: 'And for being Bill's mortal enemy. Because get it, Bill? You're allergic to peanuts.'

Miss Foote · Bill:Bill: 'You know, Bill, you're not a geek.' 'Tell that to the rest of the world.'

Gordon:Gordon's sci-fi enthusiasm: 'I don't like sci-fi. I love, love, love it!'

Nick · Lindsay:Nick's natural argument: 'It's from the earth. It's natural. Why would it be there if we weren't supposed to smoke it?' Lindsay: 'Dog crap is here, and we don't smoke that.'

Nick:Nick's stoned music appreciation: 'Oh, shhh... listen to this drum fill. Ohh! That guy is amazing. Do you know how hard that is?'

Lindsay · Nick:Lindsay's pot criticism vs Nick's defense: 'What's the highlight of your week? Sitting on your couch eating chips, dreaming of Drakes Cakes?' 'It's better than sitting there with a board up my butt, like you.'

Nick:Nick's dramatic pot disposal: 'Here, you see it? I'm really addicted. How am I gonna live without it?' [flushes pot]

Bill · Sam:Peanut sandwich investigation: 'This is crunchy.' 'So?' 'Like...like peanuty crunchy.'

Jean · Sam:Hospital word choice: 'Could you not use the word "die" in a hospital?' 'You asked if he was still alive.' 'That's an optimistic question. Alive is good. Die is bad. Trust me on this. My dad's a dentist.'

Frank · Daniel · Ken:Floyd confusion: 'I saw them at the Pyramids.' 'The Egyptian Pyramids?' 'Uh, I don't think they've ever played the Pyramids.' 'Oh, yeah. You're right. It was the Dead.'

Ken:Ken's laser dome experience: 'I saw Floyd at the laser dome. They weren't there, but it was their music.'

Mr. Russo · Daniel:Russo's rhetorical question: 'How dumb do I look?' Daniel: 'Do you really want to know?'

Sam · Neal:Ghost Bill friendship: 'Maybe he'd be like Casper the Friendly Ghost. He'd hang out with us, and no one would talk to him but us... and people would catch us talking to him, and they would think we were crazy--like Wilbur on Mr. Ed.'

Nick · Ken:Stoner existential crisis: 'What do people do when they're not stoned?' 'I don't know.' 'Relate to one another?'

Lindsay · Harold:Lindsay's excuse: 'I have... woman problems.' Harold: 'I don't want to hear about it.'

Millie · Lindsay:Millie's drug awareness: 'You're high.' 'What?!' 'You're on the pot.' 'How could you tell?' 'I'm not dumb, Lindsay. I know what high people look like. I went to a Seals and Crofts concert last summer.'

Millie · Lindsay:Millie's moral stance: 'Fine. I'll go with you. But only for the safety of the child.' Lindsay: 'Thank you, Millie.' 'No, thank your dealer.'

Alan:Alan's childhood memory: 'I remember, like, in the fourth grade, I used to think you guys were, like, really cool. And this one time, you brought a model of the Saturn 5 in for show-and-tell, and I asked you guys if I could shoot off rockets with you, and you said no.'

Jean:Jean's pregnancy confession: 'When I was pregnant with Sam, I didn't think twice about nutrition. I was drinking a lot back then... getting high, poppin' pills.'

Jean:Jean's baby dropping confession: 'When Sam was 4 months old... I... dropped him on a brick patio. He had a hairline fracture of the skull.'

Lindsay · Millie:Millie's faith vs Lindsay's logic: 'I don't believe in God.' 'I know. That's why you're unhappy. That's why you're stoned.' 'God doesn't make sense. It's not logical.' 'Well, I may not be logical, but I have faith.'

Lindsay:Lindsay's existential dog dream: 'What if this is a dream, and it's not even our dream, it's that dog's dream. Maybe we're just existing in his mind, and all of a sudden he'll wake up to go drink out of the toilet, and we'll be gone.'

Sam · Bill:Bill's hospital revelation: 'Maureen and Vicki showed up, and they were crying.' 'Really? Because of me?' 'Yeah. They were really worried.' 'Well, if you want, you can tell them that I'm still dying.'

Lindsay:Food scientist appreciation: 'This is so good. You know why this is so good? Because it was made by food scientists.'

Alan · Bill:Alan's aggressive caring: 'I knew you wouldn't die. I can't believe you'd be such a wuss to die from a peanut.' 'Aren't you glad I didn't die?' 'Yeah, I'm glad for my sake. Think I want to end up in juvie for killing you?'

Bill · Alan:Bill's manipulation: 'You care about me. I heard everything you said.' 'I don't care about you.' 'Yeah, you do. You think I'm cool. You want me to pound you?'

Gordon:Gordon's parking lot costume strategy: 'I put everything on in the parking lot. You know, that way I don't look like a loser all day.'

Alan:Alan's costume crisis: 'Oh, man. I just can't do it.'