Dead Dogs and Gym Teachers

Dad:SURE, LINDSAY. YOU CAN GO SEE THE WHO. AND YOU CAN GO SEE THE ROLLING STONES AT ALTAMONT, TOO.

Dad:WHAT'S NOT FUN ABOUT SITTING AROUND IN A CLOUD OF MARIJUANA SMOKE, WATCHING SOME MANIAC WAG HIS BLOODY TONGUE?

Lindsay:THAT'S NOT THE WHO, DAD. THAT'S KISS.

Lindsay:THE WHO SMASH THEIR GUITARS.

Mom:WE TOOK HER TO SEE RICH LITTLE LAST SUMMER.

Dad:[IMITATING JOHNNY CARSON] MAY AN OVERFED YAK RELIEVE HIMSELF ON YOUR BUICK.

Lindsay:MOM, RICH LITTLE ISN'T A CONCERT.

Mom:WELL, YOU TELL THAT TO THE 2,000 PEOPLE THAT WERE LAUGHING THEIR BUTTS OFF.

Sam:SAYS THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS THAT THEY'RE THE LOUDEST BAND ON EARTH.

Sam:HEY, IF I'M NOT ALLOWED TO SEE KENTUCKY FRIED MOVIE EVER, THEN YOU SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO SEE THE WHO.

Dad:I'LL BE LISTENING TO IT BACKWARDS, TOO.

Coach:NICE SHOT, HAVERCHUCK.

Neal:TOLD YOU NOT TO PASS IT TO HIM.

Kim:YEAH, A MAGIC SCHOOL BUS.

Nick:YOU CAN'T EVEN PLAY THE GUITAR, THANK GOD.

Daniel:MICHAEL, ROW THE BOAT ASHORE HALLELUJAH

Kim:THIS ISN'T THE CAFETERIA FROM FAME.

Daniel:WHO THE HELL'S COCO?

Nick:SHE WAS THAT HOT CHICK WHO TOOK HER SHIRT OFF IN THE MOVIE.

Gloria:OH...DEAD.

Gloria:I MADE 18 BUCKS IN TIPS TODAY. HOW IS ANYBODY SUPPOSED TO LIVE ON THAT, HUH?

Bill:OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT GONNA START DANCING AGAIN, ARE YOU?

Gloria:BESIDES, THEY DON'T WANT AN OLD BROAD LIKE ME ANYMORE.

Bill:MY GYM TEACHER?!

Gloria:PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER.

Lindsay:I HEARD STEVIE NICKS IS A WITCH.

Lindsay:SHE DOES WITCH STUFF. SHE CASTS SPELLS ON PEOPLE.

Kim:CUT OFF A LOCK OF DANIEL'S HAIR AND STICK IT TO A VOODOO DOLL. THAT WAY, WHENEVER HE GETS OUT OF LINE, I'LL JUST JAB HIM WITH A PIN, AND HE'LL SHUT UP.

Kim:THE WORLD WILL SURVIVE WITH ONE LESS SQUIRREL.

Mr. Fredricks:ROCKY II. MUCH BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE.

Bill:BILL MURRAY'S THE FUNNIEST MAN ON THE PLANET.

Bill:BILL MURRAY'S THE FUNNIEST MAN ON THE PLANET.

Bill:WE DON'T HAVE A RESTROOM. WE HAVE A TOILET.

Kim:[SNORTS] WHO'S GOLIATH?

Nick:LIKE, WITH YOUR BARE HANDS?

Daniel:I ALWAYS SAY...GIRL PLUS CAR EQUALS DEAD ANIMAL.

Ken:THEY'RE STUPID, AND THEY SMELL, AND THEY'RE UGLY. THEY DON'T EVEN LIKE US PEOPLE. THEY PRETEND TO, BUT THEY'RE JUST KISSING OUR ASSES SO WE'LL FEED 'EM. I AIN'T BUYING INTO THAT HOODWINK.

Neal:I HEARD RADAR O'REILLY HAS, LIKE, NO FINGERS. THAT'S WHY HE ALWAYS CARRIES A CLIPBOARD.

Mr. Fredricks:I'LL SEE YOU IN GYM CLASS, BIG GUY.

Sam · Neal:WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? WHAT--I--WH-WHAT? HE ATE YOUR MOM'S POT ROAST?

Lindsay:BOBO. HE WAS SO SMART. HE USED TO SIT WITH ME AND WATCH TV ALL DAY LONG. HE LOVED TV.

Lindsay:ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE WOULD START TO FROTH AT THE MOUTH, AND THEN HIS LITTLE LEGS WOULD GET ALL TENSE, AND HE WOULD START SHAKING AND THEN... POOP HIMSELF. AND GET HIS PAWS IN THE POOP AND GET POOP ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Sam:SHE IS KINDA HOT.

Bill:I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN RUN AROUND A GYM AND SHOOT A STUPID BALL IN A HOOP.

Bill:PICK MY NOSE AND EAT IT...OR READ THE COMICS OR GO TO THE BATHROOM. ALL THOSE ARE BETTER THAN GYM CLASS.

Bill:FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, SHUT YOUR BIG, STINKIN' TRAP, OK?

Bill:WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, CALL MY MOM?

Sam:[WHISPERING] I never thought I'd say this, but Haverchuck's the King!

Lindsay:AND YOU WOULD HUMP HER FOOT...AND WE THOUGHT THAT WAS FUNNY...AND THEN YOU GOT SPAYED, AND YOU DIDN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

Millie:EVER SINCE MY DOG DIED, THEY'VE BEEN LETTING ME DO ANYTHING.

Millie:OH, MY GOD. I AM SO BAD.

The Who:MAMA'S GOT A SQUEEZE BOX, DADDY NEVER SLEEPS AT NIGHT

Harold (Dad) · Jean (Mom):'CAUSE SHE'S PLAYING ALL NIGHT IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES THAT SOUND FILTHY?

The Who:SHE GOES IN AND OUT AND IN AND OUT AND IN AND OUT

Dad · Jean:'IN AND OUT'? THE INSTRUMENT.

Lindsay:HE WRITES LIKE A MENTAL PATIENT.

Kim:THAT MILLIE'S GONNA START HANGING OUT WITH US AND THEN YOU'RE NOT GONNA HAVE ANYONE TO RUN TO WHEN YOU GET SCARED OF YOUR BAD FRIENDS?

Mr. Fredricks:I'M NOT SEEING THAT STRIPES CRAP AGAIN.

Mr. Fredricks:REALLY? I LOVE GO-CART CITY.

Bill:HE'S FAT. AND HE'S NOT EVEN IN GOOD SHAPE. AND HE NEVER RUNS, YOU NEVER SEE HIM PLAY THE GAMES WITH US.

Mr. Fredricks:'WE'? UH...OK. ALL RIGHT. WE CAN ALL GO.

Mr. Fredricks:THE 4 MEN ARE GONNA HAVE SOME FUN.

Dad:IF I WAS SUCH A PRUDE, YOU WOULDN'T EXIST.

Dad:YOU JUST KEEP THOSE BOYS AWAY FROM YOUR ACCORDION.

Sam:HEY, NEAL, I GOT YOU A PRESENT.

Fredricks:HEY, NEAL, I GOT YOU A PRESENT. ISN'T THAT GREAT?

Nick:'LADY L'? YOU SHOULDN'T USE YOUR REAL NAME WHEN YOU'RE WRITING THAT STUFF.

Nick:LOTS OF WACKOS USE THEIR REAL EMOTIONS.

Bill:YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO WIN. ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS WINNING. YOU DON'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE'S FEELINGS.

Stroker:I LIKE IT WHEN THE GOOD GIRLS CROSS OVER.

Millie:IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GONNA DROP ACID OR HAVE SEX IN THE PARKING LOT.

Mr. Fredricks:YOU THINK I'M A STUPID JOCK GYM TEACHER, RIGHT? BING! YOU--YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

Daniel:THAT--HE--HE'S A CRACK-UP, RIGHT?

Nick:YOU'RE BUYING ME A NEW GUITAR, MAN.

Lindsay:I KILLED YOUR DOG!

Millie:I HEAR THAT THE BATHROOMS SMELL REALLY BAD AND THAT IT'S NOT SAFE TO SIT.

Millie:COULD YOU IMAGINE HOLDING IT FOR 4 HOURS?

Mr. Fredricks:IT'S OK. I'LL TELL YOU DURING THE COMMERCIAL.