I'm with the Band

Nick:Nick singing Rush's 'The Spirit of Radio' loudly and completely out of key

Sam · Unknown student:YOU LOOK A LITTLE BIT LIKE MY GRANDPA. OH, IS YOUR GRANDPA SUPER COOL?

Student:JIMMY CARTER'S A WIMP.

Student · Sam:IS WEIR ALLOWED TO SHOWER WITH US? 'CAUSE HE'S A WOMAN.

Student:WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE, A FREAKIN' TARZAN?

Neal · Sam:IT'S NOT A BURLESQUE SHOW, SAM. THEY JUST WANT US TO SHOWER.

Student · Bill:STOP LOOKIN' UP MY SHORTS. WHY WOULD WE? THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE.

Student:THERE IS SOMETHING TO SEE.

Bully · Neal:HEY, SCHWEIBER. YOU GONNA SHOW US YOUR CIRCUMCISION IN THE SHOWERS TODAY? YEAH. TAKE A NUMBER.

Bill:I CAN'T GO UP ANY FARTHER, GUYS. HOW DO I GET BACK DOWN?

Drama student · Various students:The entire Oklahoma! announcement sequence with students' horrified reactions

Daniel · Lindsay:WOW. YOU'D LOOK GOOD IN THAT DRESS. THANKS.

Nick · Daniel:CREATION. NO, WE DON'T HAVE A NAME.

Nick · Daniel · Ken:HOW ABOUT 3:01? HOW ABOUT 3:15? I GOTTA FIT IN YOUR MOTHER.

Nick · Ken:YOU WANNA SLEEP WITH MY MOM? MM-HMM.

Bill · Sam:YOU KNOW, TO BE HONEST, I DON'T SMELL SO GOOD. I COULD PROBABLY USE A SHOWER. NO! WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER.

Neal:HEY, IF WE DON'T SHOWER, THEN WE ARE GONNA STICK TOGETHER. YOU GET IT?

Sam:WELL...WE DIDN'T EVEN SWEAT. SMELL US.

Mr. Fredricks:UH, YOU KNOW, WEIR, I'LL PUT THAT ON MY 'TO DO' LIST.

Sam · Bill:THAT GUY'S REALLY INTO MAKING GUYS SHOWER. TELL ME ABOUT IT.

Nick · Kim · Ken:I WISH I COULD SMASH THIS THING. [CHANTING] DO IT! DO IT!

Daniel:OH, YEAH? I HOPE IT'S SOMETHING CATCHY, LIKE, UH, THE MATH-LETES.

Lindsay · Daniel · Nick · Ken:MISSION CONTROL. NO WAY. WHY NOT? 'CAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME SPACE THING. SO? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? SPACE BLOWS.

Lindsay · Ken · Daniel:ANARCHY'S CHILD. NO WAY! BOO! BOO BOO BOO. WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

Mr. Andopolis:I TAKE IT THE SYMPHONY'S OVER.

Daniel · Ken:[MOCKING] LADIES, GENTLEMEN... LET'S GET OUTTA HERE.

Ken · Daniel:HEY, YOU WORKING THE DRIVE-THROUGH? YEAH, IN AN HOUR. ALL RIGHT! LET'S GO THERE, GET A BUNCH OF FREE CRAP.

Nick:THIS IS MISSION CONTROL REQUESTING PERMISSION TO ROCK OUT.

Mr. Andopolis:NICK, I REALLY THOUGHT THAT I COULD WALK ON THE MOON, BUT YOU JUST DON'T SEE ANY MOON ROCKS AROUND HERE, DO YA?

Sam:Sam's muffled scream from inside the locker

Bill · Sam:THIS EARTH BALL DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE EARTH. WHOA! WATCH OUT! THAT'S IT. I'M GONNA DIE IN GYM CLASS.

Neal · Sam:YEAH, AND I CAN'T SAY NO TO A LONG, LUXURIOUS SHOWER. NO! YOU CAN'T!

Bill:I'M FARSHTINKINER, AND I'M SHOWERING.

Bill · Neal · Sam:JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES, AND IT'LL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. I'M WITH HIM. OH, THANKS!

Sam · Bill:C-COULD YOU PUT ON A TOWEL? WHY? WELL... 'CAUSE YOU'RE NAKED?

Bill:SAM, OUR BODIES ARE MERELY A SHELL WHICH CONCEAL OUR HEAVENLY SOULS. TRY NOT TO GET TOO UPTIGHT. AUF WIEDERSEHEN.

Bill:WELL, YOU COULD STOP SMELLING LIKE MY BUTT, FOR ONE.

Bullies · Student · Neal:NAIL THE GEEKS! ... OWW! I HOPE I CAN STILL HAVE KIDS. COME ON. YOU GOT HIT IN THE GROIN. YOU DIDN'T HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY.

Mr. Fredricks:LOOK AT THAT HEAD OF HAIR, HUH? YOU JUST GET THAT CUT? THAT IS VERY STYLISH AND VERY, VERY DRY.

Sam:I'M DIZZY... AND...AND I HAVE A HEADACHE, AND I'M NAUSEOUS.

Mr. Fredricks:PICK UP THE ACADEMY AWARD ON THE WAY THERE, WEIR.

Mr. Fredricks:SCHWEIBER, PUT ON SOME CLOTHES. YOU LOOK LIKE A 50-YEAR-OLD MAN.

Lindsay · Nick:YEAH, BUT YOU GUYS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH TO WIN ANY COMPETITIONS. THANKS A LOT, YOU KNOW? THANKS A LOT, LINDSAY.

Lindsay:WHEN I WAS IN THE MATHLETES, WE DID LOGARITHMS UNTIL WE COULDN'T SEE STRAIGHT.

Ken:GEE, THIS IS REALLY FUN, GUYS. I'M GLAD WE HAVE A BAND.

Ken:WELL, THAT SUCKED. ROYALLY.

Daniel:YOU KNOW, YOU AND YOKO HERE HAVE TURNED MUSIC INTO SCHOOL.

Daniel:ROCK 'N' ROLL DON'T COME FROM YOUR BRAIN. IT COMES FROM YOUR CROTCH. AND IF YOU EVER GOT ANY, MR. CUTE SHORTS, YOU'D KNOW THAT.

Nick:YOU'RE NOT EVEN GOOD ENOUGH TO BE IN CREATION!

Neal · Bill:GOOD BODIES. SO HE CAN THROW HER OVER HIS SHOULDER. BIG DEAL. HE SHOULD USE HIS LEGS MORE. HE'S GONNA THROW OUT HIS BACK.

Sam · Neal · Bill:BUT YOU'RE NOT VERY FUNNY. SCREW YOU! I'M HILARIOUS. OOH, HOW WITTY. GET THIS GUY ON HOLLYWOOD SQUARES.

Neal:ALL COOL GUYS HAVE HAIRY CHESTS: SELLECK, REYNOLDS, ROCKFORD.

Bill:HEY, WHAT ABOUT MORK? HE'S GOT MORE HAIR ON HIS HAND THAN SAM HAS IN HIS PITS.

Neal:I THINK OUR BEST PLAY IS TO GO FOR THE SMART, SEXY LIBRARIAN TYPE. YOU KNOW, SHE'S SWEET AND SHY, BUT THEN SHE TAKES OFF HER GLASSES AND RRROWF!

Bill · Sam · Neal:LIKE BAILEY ON WKRP IN CINCINNATI. YUP. BUT CINDY SANDERS IS LIKE A LIBRARIAN TYPE. YEAH. LIBRARIAN FOR THE PLAYBOY MANSION.

Sam:Sam running naked through the hallways after being locked out

Lindsay · Daniel:GOD KNOWS ZEPPELIN ONLY PLAYS HALF OF STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, AND THE WHO NEVER EVEN PRACTICE TEENAGE WASTELAND. BABBA O'REILLY. WHAT?

Daniel:LINDSAY, HE'S NOT GONNA BE THE NEXT KEITH MOON. SO IF HE'S GOT SOMEPLACE TO GO THAT'S GONNA TAKE CARE OF HIM, WHY DON'T YOU JUST STAY OUT OF HIS WAY?

Mr. Fredricks:HEY, YOU KNOW, IT'S A LITTLE EASIER IF YOU SIT DOWN AND DROP YOUR PANTS.

Nick · Lindsay:DIMENSION'S LOOKING FOR A NEW DRUMMER?! ... THESE GUYS ARE LIKE THE TOP WORKING BAND IN DETROIT!

Sam · Harold:I DON'T WANT TO GET NAKED IN FRONT OF OTHER GUYS. WELL, WHO DOES? YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN HAVE SEEN ME NAKED IN MY LIFETIME? A LOT.

Jean · Harold:SAM...YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY. DOESN'T HE, HAROLD? YES. I JUST SAID HE HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY.

Lindsay · Harold:YOU'RE AN ADONIS, A SLAB OF BEEF... IF I WASN'T YOUR SISTER, OH, MY GOD-- LINDSAY! CAN IT.

Nick · Scott:29. WHOA! 29-PIECE KIT. WOW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU SHOULD BE AUDITIONING US.

Scott · Vance:WELL, YOU MUST'VE BEEN THERE FRIDAY NIGHT, 'CAUSE SATURDAY NIGHT WE GOT BOOED OFF THE STAGE. WE DIDN'T GET BOOED OFF THE STAGE.

Scott:I HATE THAT SONG. LET'S DO CROSSROADS.

Scott:HEY, UH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT 29-PIECER, MAN. MAYBE SOMEDAY, YOU'LL KNOCK IT UP TO AN EVEN 30.

Nick:SOMETIMES I GO DOWN IN MY BASEMENT, AND I PUT ON A LIVE ALBUM, I CAN... SEE MYSELF ON THE STAGE. ... I'M PETER CRISS OR SOMETHING.

Nick:I'LL BE LUCKY IF I GET TO BE THE GUY WHO PUSHES THE BUTTON THAT MAKES THE RISER GO UP, BUT I'M NOT EVEN GONNA BE THAT GUY.

Unknown bully:NICE PECS, WEIR. YOU LOOK LIKE A FLAT-CHESTED GIRL.

Sam · Bullies:WELL, I'M PROUD OF MY BODY. [MOCKINGLY] OH, HE'S PROUD OF HIS BODY. OH, HE SHOULD BE PROUD. LOOK AT THIS.

Students:STREAKER! GO, SAM! GO!

Nick · Lindsay:I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THAT KISS. OH, GOOD. IT REALLY MEANT A LOT TO ME. I'M GLAD.

Ken · Daniel:RINGO STARR. YOU FINALLY GOT YOUR WISH, NICK. YOU'RE AS GOOD A DRUMMER AS JOHN BONHAM. OF COURSE, HE'S DEAD.

Ken:HEY, IS DIMENSION GONNA CHARGE YOU FOR THE PEE STAIN YOU LEFT ON THE DRUM SEAT?

Alan · Bill:YOU GUYS ARE LOSERS, AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE. HOW COME YOU'RE THE ONE RIDING HOME WITH NO FRIENDS?

Nick:I PLAY SO MUCH BETTER WHEN YOU'RE AROUND.