Jeff Rosso

Mr. Rosso:I'M JUST JEFF, YOUR FRIEND WHO CARES.

Mr. Rosso:WELL, THEN MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD TELL YOUR FACE.

Mr. Rosso:HIS KIND SHOULD BE DESTROYED.

Mr. Rosso:HE BROKE MY TAILBONE, BUT THE RESULTS WERE EFFECTIVE. HE GOT EXPELLED.

Mr. Rosso:MAYBE YOU SHOULD START CALLING ME MR. ROSSO AGAIN.

Student · Mr. Rosso:A SEX PARTY. ALL RIGHT, I THINK I HEARD SOMEONE SAY 'BIRTHDAY PARTY.'

Mr. Rosso · Lindsay:Amelia Earhart of McKinley High comparison

Mr. Rosso · Lindsay:Don't turn me into the man / See? It's working already

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso's excessively casual 'Peace, brother' to student

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso saying 'Rock on, Kirby' with finger gesture

Lindsay · Mr. Rosso:Do you actually say the words 'hot dog'? / Yes, I do.

Mr. Rosso:A lot of times you might see, maybe you're taking a shower or something, and you go, 'What are these?' 'What's that?'

Mr. Rosso:I'M A BOY OR GIRL, AND I'M A MAN OR WOMAN.

Lindsay · Mr. Rosso:You know who didn't go to college? Einstein. Thomas Edison. / [INDULGENT SIGH] / Frank. / Frank who? / The dude who pumps my gas.

Mr. Rosso:I heard the words, but your eyes said something else. They said, 'I'm lost. I need your help. Don't listen to me. Guide me.'

Mr. Rosso:Tell you what. Why don't I just come and visit you then in the prison-- where you'll be living-- and give you some really good advice, like should you get shanked in the yard or the dining hall? When you have your baby, which prison guard should take care of it? That kind of thing.

Mr. Rosso:All the way from McKinley High School, we've got the key members of another smokin' band we like to call 'Creation.' Daniel Desario, Ken Miller, Nick Andopolis, Kim Kelly, and their manager, Miss Lindsay Weir.

Mr. Rosso · Band:I can't let you serve our guests plain old beer. Why don't you bring them some of your finest pop, on the house. / OH, I GOT THOSE UNDER-AGE DRINKING BLUES.

Mr. Rosso:I've gotta say it rocks pretty heavily, and that's comin' from a guy who's seen Hendrix live.

Mr. Rosso:I got it on in a van at Woodstock, I'm not judgin' anybody.

Mr. Rosso:Until one night, I was checkin' out this discotheque. The one at the bowling alley on 15 Mile.

Mr. Rosso:One thing led to another and... Now I get sores on my lip once a month. I have herpes.

Mr. Rosso:Mr. Rosso's devastating confession: 'I have herpes.'

Mr. Rosso:IT DEVE YOU DON'T WANT IT!

Mr. Rosso:I just blew your mind, didn't I?

Mr. Rosso:ALAN, HOW MANY TIMES A DAY DO YOU HAVE TO REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU'RE NOT GAY TO BE COOL?

Mr. Rosso · Sam:SAM, WHEN I WAS ABOUT 20, I WAS HANGING OUT IN THIS HONKY-TONK DOWN SOUTH WHEN A BIG BUNCH OF REDNECKS SURROUNDED ME. STARTED MAKING JOKES ABOUT MY FRINGE VEST, MY HAIR. CALLING ME A HIPPIE, A WOMAN. THEY DRAGGED ME INTO AN ALLEY, MADE ME DANCE, TOLD ME TO BARK LIKE A DOG. DID YOU DO IT? YEAH. PRETTY MUCH HAD TO, THERE WAS 10 OF THEM

Mr. Rosso:WHAT MATTERS IS THAT I NEVER LOST PRIDE IN WHO I AM

Mr. Rosso:IF I SAY I'M THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD AND I BELIEVE I'M THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD, THEN SUDDENLY I BECOME THE COOLEST GUY IN THE WORLD

Mr. Rosso:WELL, THEN TAKE A LOOK AT THIS KID. BECAUSE THAT'S A COOL KID

Mr. Rosso · Secret Service Agent:"DO YOU LIKE WORKING WITH MAJOR APPLIANCES?" THAT'D BE A YES.

Mr. Rosso:You don't think you're the Fonz or something? If a jukebox was broken, think you could hit it and it'd start playing?

Mr. Rosso:Do you like them apples?

Mr. Rosso:DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?

Mr. Rosso:When I was in college, back in the early 1700s