Carl

Is it hot in here? I feel hot. Are you guys hot? How you guys doing? I'm good. You guys got any snacks?

I wanted to read the book first, but then I realized there's no book version of Avatar.

I was wearing this t-shirt that said 'Kiss me, I'm Irish.' But no one would kiss me.

Well, you might not be so confident once you've walked a mile in my size sevens. Kind of small feet. Actually, seven is the worldwide average. Boom!

And after that, I'm going to show you this log I found. It's got, like, fifty worms on it. I call it 'worm log.'

When I was a kid, my parents used to make me hang out in the backyard a lot and just run around until I got tired. But if there's any criminals out there watching, I never get tired. And ladies, too.

The first one got pushed into the creek by some kids. The second one, raccoons got onto. There was urine everywhere. And the third one was recently stolen. What's this one? This is the second one. The raccoon piss one.

Oh. That's Tom, probably. Are you serious? Tom, can you get off, please? Just run alongside the cart, okay?

With budget cuts, we can't afford a single safety light. There's been 10 assaults already this year. Wow. Really? Can't you station a Park Ranger out here? We have! Who do you think they're assaulting?

You guys have got to slow down. Can I just take a rest for a minute? No, Tom. Sorry. No can do. Sun's going down and it's real dangerous out here.

A citizen handed in a very interesting home video that I think the people of Pawnee will find very interesting.

There he is. This is my favorite part. Not willing to share with a dog.

Fine. I'll have sex with you in exchange for the tape. That's not what I am saying. Okay?

I finally saw Avatar and I thought it lived up to the hype. Well, I'm not sure what that has to do with the mugging. Uh... Leslie. Counterpoint. I disagree with Carl. Okay. I have seen Avatar as well, and I think it exceeded the hype.

Haven't I done a quickie wedding for you before?