Lt. Joe Bookman

Who doesn't have instant coffee? / Buy a jar of Folgers crystals, put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. When you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried crystals.

Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards. Abbie Hoffman telling everybody to steal books.

Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes in the New York Public Library, fella.

Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world. But what about that kid sitting down opening a book right now in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat?

Well, I got a flash for you, joy-boy: Party time is over.

I remember when the librarian was a much older woman. Kindly, discreet, unattractive. We didn't know anything about her private life. We didn't wanna know about her private life. She didn't have a private life.

Got that, kewpie doll?

You better not screw up again, Seinfeld. Because if you do, I'll be all over you like a pit bull on a poodle.

Buy a jar of Folgers crystals, put it in the cupboard, you forget about it. When you need it, it's there. It lasts forever. It's freeze-dried. Freeze-dried crystals.

But you put on a pair of shoes in the New York Public Library, fella.

finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees in The Cat in the Hat and The Five Chinese Brothers?

Well, I got a flash for you, joy-boy: Party time is over.

Got that, kewpie doll?