Last Tap Dance In Springfield

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Marge · Homer:Homer, sitting that close to the TV can't be good for you. / Talking while the TV's on can't be good for you.

Homer:Nah. I wanna enjoy this show before the network retools it.

TV Show Characters · Homer:How can I organize this modeling agency... and still be a good single father? - I love you, Daddy. - [Audience] Aww! [Groans] Too late!

Bart · Marge:Just get me a deck of cards and I'll win whatever I need from the other kids. / But you need to try things on. Every brand has a different idea of 'husky.'

Bart:[Grunts] I'm in tantrum position. T-minus 5, 4, 3- Remembering dead cat for real tears, and-

Bart:Tantrum averted. But now I can't forget the cat. [Weeping]

Eye Doctor · Homer:Now read the first line. / I... ate... pee-pee. [Laughing]

Optometrist · Homer:That pair's popular with celebrities like Val Kilmer. / Ooh! My favorite Door. / And Yoko Ono. / Ew! She ruined the Plastic Ono Band.

Homer:Less yappin', more zappin'.

Marge:Blair Witch repellent, antler saw and deep-woods Scrabble

Eye Doctor · Homer:Wait. You gotta use these drops. They prevent your eyes from crusting over. / Oh, here we go with the add-ons. No, thanks.

Lisa:Oh, he'll never dance with her. She'll have to settle for some Mexican Milhouse.

Movie Character · Lisa:My name is... Lisabella. / [Gasps] That's my name with 'bella' on the end of it.

Movie Character:Qué malo. Once again, I must sugar my own churro.

Movie Character:Only one man was crazy enough to dance that dance, and he is dead. / My twin brother, Freduardo. / But where he died, I shall live- in his apartment.

Movie Characters:You are now carrying my child. / But how? / It is the mystery of the dance.

Homer · Bart:[Imitating Marge] Now, Homie, when we get to the liquor store... buy me some Jack Daniels and a carton of smokes. / Yes, dear. [Both Snickering]

Lisa · Marge:Well, I think World War II helped a little, Mom. / Don't smart-mouth, Lisa.

Little Vicki · Marge:I'm just plain Vicki now. / All right. I'd like to sign my daughter up for lessons, Vicki. / Little Vicki. / But you just said- / So what dance style were you interested in?

Ballroom Dancers · Seymour:[Cracks] Ow! You stepped on my toes again! / If you would just let me lead- / You're not a leader, Seymour. Never have been, never will be. / Oh!

Square Dancer:[Rhythmically] Oh, the birdie in the cage out, lady in the center. Now the birdie is purty and the crows hop in. Put the feather all together, hell-bent for leather. Put your honey in the saddle-

Little Vicki · Marge:Little advice, don't live through your child. / Okay.

Bart · Bully · Milhouse:This is gonna be the best week of our young lives. / I'm gonna pound you two all week. / Oh. What'd we do? / Nothin'. But I gotta pound somebody.

Milhouse:I don't wanna go home. My grandma's sleeping in my bed, and she has skin like a basketball.

Bart · Milhouse:Yeah. It's just like my dad always says: For an evening or a week, there's no place like the mall. Food, fun and fashion- the mall has it all. / What? What did he say?

Ralph · Little Vicki:Teacher, my shoes are making noise. / You must be Ralph. / My daddy shoots people. [Grunts]

Little Vicki · Lisa · Class:Wait a minute. Somebody's off the beat. Let me hear you two. [tapping] Okay, now you. [Lisa taps badly] Whoa. [Shouts] / [All Laughing] / Children, stop it. / For all you know, she has a medical condition. / Nope. / I see. [Groans]

Milhouse · Bart:Where are we goin'? / Quiet. Just keep scurrying. [Screaming, Grunting] / Worms! / Gold! / Wait, this is just chocolate. Chocolate! / And these are gummy worms. Gummy! / Warheads. Jelly Bellies. We're like two kids in a candy store. / [Together] Yes!

Bart:Whoa! We're lumberjacks!

Health Inspector:There's candy chewed, wigs pulled from stands... cheese packages poked and repoked. / Every sign points to one obvious culprit- a giant rat.

Little Vicki:Well, you're falling a lot. Maybe you should work on that.

Little Vicki:Why, back when I was your age, I had 43 movies under my belt... and I had to do it without tappa-tappa-tappa. I would have killed for tappa-tappa-tappa.

Little Vicki · Lisa:Well, you'll never save Grandpa's farm with that attitude. / You've just got to turn that frown upside down. / That's a smile, not an upside-down frown. / Work on that too.

Marge · Homer:Why does it have a picture of Vitamin Barn? / Didn't you ever go to camp? / The old Vitamin Barn.

Homer:Look at you, all sugar and spice instead of equations and test tubes. / You're Daddy's precious dancing queen.

Little Vicki · Carl:My kitty cat's sick... and I'd be ever so sad if she should die. [Coughing] / Well, I'm no animal doctor or nothin'... but whenever I'm feelin' poorly, you know what fixes me up? / Dancin'? / Dancin'.

Lisa:[Sighs] The cat dances better than I do.

Chief Wiggum · Lou:Gosh, that cheese looks good. Think I could grab it before that anvil hits? / I don't know, Chief. It's a million to one. / I like those odds.

Chief Wiggum:My mistake was grabbing the cheese. [Coughs]

Little Vicki · Professor Frink:Professor Frink, will that spaceship be ready for the recital? / I have visited the future, and yes, it will. [Gibberish]

Lisa · Little Vicki:Excuse me. Why isn't my name in the program? / It is, silly. You've got the most important part of all. / 'Curtain puller'? / No one can see the show if the curtain isn't open.

Little Vicki · Class:I'm sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part... when they're clearly not equal is called what again, class? / Communism! / That's right.

Little Vicki:And I didn't tap all those Morse code messages to the Allies... till my shoes filled with blood... just to roll out the welcome mat for the Reds.

Professor Frink:'Scuse me, Lisa, but I couldn't help but overhear your nerdly predicament. / Maybe I can be of assistance with the dancing and the twisting... and the kung fu fighting. [Gibberish]

Lisa · Professor Frink:It's most entertaining, but how does that help me? / Observe. [Muttering] / Ooh! That's brilliant, Professor. What will you think of next? / Well, I also found this at the gift shop. Isn't it cute? / I'm hoping to turn it into a weapon. [Cackling Gibberish] It'll kill ya.

Chief Wiggum · Lou:Are you saying he's right on the other side of that plant? [Whining] / [Snarls] / Okay. Run!

Milhouse:Bart, you're a genius. [Screams]

Mall Security:Well, well. Looks like the cat got the rat. / And that's the end of that tale.

Little Vicki · Students:Now this may hurt a lot. What am I saying, 'may'? [Both Gasp] / Ow! / Now that's a happy face.

Little Vicki:I'm sorry, Lisa. People go to a children's dance recital expecting a certain level of professionalism.

Ralph · Little Vicki:[Groaning] I ate too much plastic candy. / Heavens to betsy. The star of the show is sick. / Whatever will we do? There's only one person who can get us out of this pickle.

Little Vicki · Lisa:Lisa? / Yes? / Help me into Ralph's costume. [Sighs]

Little Vicki:Oh, it's too important. I'll do it for you. [Sighs]

Homer · Marge:Where's Lisa? / Shh! This plot is hard enough to follow as it is.

Homer · Marge:Where's Lisa? / Shh! This plot is hard enough to follow as it is.

Marge · Homer:Wow. Look at her go. / Yeah, that pressure we put on her really paid off.

Little Vicki:Nobody upstages Little Vicki. [Hisses]

Little Vicki:Stop the clapping! You'll kill us all!

Little Vicki:I once destroyed Buddy Ebsen's credit rating. / Why? / He knows why.

Professor Frink · Homer:They're clearly in the on position. See? 'On.' / I was merely trying to spare the girl's feelings, you insensitive clod.

Professor Frink · Lisa · Marge:Jesus, Mary and glavin! These shoes are in the off position. / You mean I danced all by myself? / See, honey? All you needed was to believe- / What are you talking about, Professor Frink? They're clearly in the on position. See? 'On.'

Lisa · Marge · Homer:I guess I'm never gonna be a Broadway baby. / That's not true, honey. You can always write a depressing Broadway play of some kind. / You think so? / Sure. It could be a story about people coming to terms with things. / Hey, yeah. You could load it up with lots of swears. That's what David Mamet does.

Bart:Hey, yeah. You could load it up with lots of swears. That's what David Mamet does.

Marge · Homer:Why, it's just a cute little weasel. Hello, there, Mr. Weasel. / Isn't that cute? [Screaming] / [Electricity Crackling] / I'm down!