Hello Gutter Hello Fadder

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Homer:Need more snooze. [Muttering]

Homer:Oh, I'm 26 hours late for work. No time for Maggie.

Homer:This would be a lot easier without all these people.

Road Rage Driver:How'd you like a Details magazine up the wazoo?

Homer:Oh, sure. Single me out.

Police Officer:Okay. You just bought yourself a 3-17: pointing out police stupidity. Or is that a 3-14? Nah, nah. 3-14 is a dog, uh- No. Or is that a 3-15? You're in trouble, pal!

Homer:Big ugly nose. Bald. Liver spot. Liver spot.

Homer:No! I can't get in trouble if I can't see you!

Mr. Burns:I knew I had those installed for a reason.

Homer:Yeah. And even a teaspoon could cause a fatal tumor.

Homer · Marge:The cooling tank just blew, and they're taking Lenny to the hospital. Oh, no! Not Lenny! Not Lenny!

Homer · Bowling Alley Worker:Are 'Poo' and 'Ass' taken? Yeah. Damn! Could my life get any worse?

Unknown bowler:Even for a bowler, you're fat.

Carl:Ah, actually, I'd say you're having a severe psychotic episode.

Homer:Hey, if that's psychotic, then why am I takin' these?

Carl:Will you at least call it a 'banana split,' you dumb wad?

Lenny:Hey, spare me your gutter mouth!

Krusty:We knew it contained spider eggs... but the hantavirus- well, that really came out of left field.

Kent Brockman:This could be the greatest individual achievement in the history of Springfield. Which proves just how pitiful this town is.

Homer:Why won't they come over? I'm so lonely.

Grandpa:This is as fast as I can move.

Homer:In your face, to-do list!

Homer:But there was someone else with me on that alley. I'm talkin' about the big man- Carl!

Teacher:Mr. Simpson bowled a perfect game... without the aid of steroids, crack, angel dust... or the other narcotics that are synonymous with pro bowling.

Milhouse · Homer:Will you be my dad? [Chuckling] You've got a father. He's just a dud.

Homer:Pumpkin face? Headgear? Chicken pox? Smelly? Lazy eye? Spikyhead?

Ron Howard:There's a stairway, dumb-ass!

Homer:Well, that- Uh, well, wait. Uh, do I read from the sheet labeled 'jokes' or 'answers'?

Homer · Ron Howard:Flavor of the month? Me? Yeah, Homer. You can't just ride one accomplishment forever.

Ron Howard · Homer:Why do you think I stopped acting and became a director? I don't know. 'Cause you weren't cute anymore?

Homer:Hello, everybody! Did somebody say 'A perfect game'?

Homer · Teller:Hey, I thought you never talked. Uh, I didn't mean to. Huh. It just slipped out.

Teller:He'll do it. I'm not the first Teller.

Kent Brockman:Are you as bored as I am with the antics of this warmed-over Fred Flintstone? I say it's time to put this one-trick pony out to stud.

Homer · Lisa:They did it to Jesus, and now they're doing it to me. Are you comparing yourself to our Lord? Well in bowling ability

Moe:As your life partner, I'm very worried.

Moe:A shred of what? Sorry. I was counting the cocktail radishes. Now, where was I? Uh, two, three- three radishes. Three big radishes.

Bystander:Yeah, less chat, more splat, pal!

Homer:Ooh! Morlocks. C.H.U.D.'s. Mole people! There is no escape from the fortress of the moles!

Homer:Not anymore, Ron. Now I'm looking for something to dedicate my life to. Something noble, but easy.

Ron Howard:Well, it's a different zoo containing animals you've never heard of.

Ron Howard's daughter:Daddy, we're missing the Fantastapotamus. She only sings twice a day.

Ron Howard · Homer:Usually when you say that, you give the money back. I do what now?

Bart:Over the years, I've learned to find father figures wherever I can. Construction workers, the Internet and Nelson here.

Homer:Hi, Maggie. I'm Homie-Womie, the Teletubbie. And I'm all man, in case you heard otherwise.

Homer:See, Maggie? The ocean is just like a bathtub. Except instead of rubber duckies... it has barracudas and moray eels.

Homer:I know. If I sink to the bottom, I can run to the shore.

Homer:Maggie, call Aquaman!

Homer · Doctor:Actually, that was before I went in the ocean. I don't want to pry into your personal life- Then don't!

Homer:But you stepped over the line just a little bit... so I'll have to give you a five. And that gives you a final score of... 295.