Im Goin To Praiseland

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Lisa:Ice cream at church? I'm intrigued, yet suspicious.

Church worker:Blessed Virgin Berry, Command-mint, Bible Gum

Church worker · Customer:Unitarian ice cream - There's nothing here. - Exactly.

Bart:One Tower of Babel and build it to heaven. To heaven! Oh.

Professor Frink:I've created the first intra-bovine ice-cream maker. It makes use of all four stomachs.

Homer:I'll have the darkety kind.

Bart:[Moos] [Groans] Ivan Reitman!

Dr. Hibbert:Give me 50 c.c.'s of hot fudge stat!

Announcer:They call her the Christian Madonna... RachelJordan!

Ned:[Stammering] I didn't have a crush on her.

Homer:He can't admit he likes her till he's sure she likes him back. And there's only one way to find out.

Bart · Kids:Does Rachel like Ned? It says I have cooties. Flanders has cooties! Flanders has cooties!

Lisa:That was great. I can't believe she found a rhyme for Hezekiah.

Ned · Rachel:We both like plain vanilla with nothin' on it. Actually, all the toppings were gone.

Ned:Ants are crawling in my mouth, and I don't care.

Rachel:All you do is change 'Jesus' to 'baby.'

Homer · Ned · Homer:Oh, she wants to have coffee sometime! I can hear her, Homer! He can hear you, Rachel!

Homer · Ned · Homer:Why don't you just stay at Ned's place? My place? What would the neighbors think? We're the neighbors, and we don't think.

Ned:Now, wait just a Maude-gone minute here!

Rachel:Well, you've certainly got a theme going.

Ned:Oh, uh, could you sleep on my side? I'm trying to preserve Maude's indentation.

Ned:How about that? It says 'Maude.' [Sniffs] Mmm, I love chenille. Don't you?

Ned:Mmm, well, good night, Maude. I mean, Maude. I mean, Rachel! I mean, Maude. Oop!

Rachel:[Gasps, Shrieks] Oh, my God! You're trying to make me look like your dead wife!

Ned:No, no! L-l- I know this is, uh, a tad unseemly. But if you just let me even out the back-

Bart · Marge · Ned:We can take whatever we want, right? Don't listen to him. You just have a good time at the eye doctor. Always do!

Homer:Yeah, a lifetime of memories. [Grunts] Sure. Of course I do. But life goes on. Ashes to ashes. Turn, turn, turn. Long live rock, and so forth.

Marge · Homer:Don't throw this away. It's Rod's first tooth. You're right. We could use this for witchcraft.

Homer:Wow. Three pairs of shoes. Someone had a fetish.

Homer:I know how to speed things up. [Whining, Grinding] Her pillow's stuck.

Homer:I know how to speed things up. [starts wood chipper]

Ned · Homer:What's that? Some kind of sorting machine? Kinda.

Homer · Marge · Homer:Now for the awkward part. We gotta talk about money. You said we were doing this out of friendship. What? That doesn't sound like me.

Lisa · Rod/Todd:Maude designed a Christian amusement park. Oh, it must've been her final dream.

Ned · Todd:But to build an amusement park, you need lots of money and manpower and turnstiles. But Mommy wanted it.

Marge · Ned:They've been out of business ever since that kid got his head cut off. That sounds perfect.

Rich Texan:And what the hell good are you? Beat it, you hippie! But l- You're right. That was harsh.

Rich Texan:Ah, you are so full of it! God's grace, that is. It's really sickening... there aren't more people like you.

Homer · Ned · Homer:Try a little vitamin 'G'! [Gasps] Are you nuts? Relax. It's a controlled burn. Uh-oh.

Ned · Homer:Darn teenagers with their beer bottles. Uh, yeah. Teenagers. Huh!

Ned:But I'm not complaining, 'cause I work for a sweet, sweet boss. You're our foreman, Maude.

Homer:She's still bossing you around from beyond the grave? Can they do that?

Wiggum · Lou:Some Chinese people claimed they were celebrating New Year's in February. [Laughs] Oh, yeah. Those guys and their crazy scams.

Lisa · Groundskeeper Willie:Do I detect a hint of cinnamon? Oh, I'll never tell.

Mayor Quimby:It is with great pride that I dedicate this new school, sports arena or attraction.

Comic Book Guy:I hope you enjoy hearing them all. Number one. 'Blessed is the man who does not walk in the council of the wicked.'

Kid · Ned:What do you hit 'em with? There's no mallet. You can stop Satan with your faith.

Game operator · Snake · Operator · Snake:There's no mallet. You can stop Satan with your faith. My face? You callin' me ugly? No, no, no, no. I think you're beautiful. Oh, that's it!

Lisa · Vendor:Oh, are there two of every flavor? Nope. They're all the same- plain.

Bart · Lisa:[Feminine Voice] I'm Maude. God is super! Can I sit in the car? Let's both sit in the car. Bye-bye.

Bart · Lisa:Can I sit in the car? Let's both sit in the car.

Carl:Any religion that embraces carob is, uh, not for Carl Carlson.

Ned:Oh, Maude, I turned your dream of a Christian amusement park into a bemusement park. It is! It's a bemusement park!

Crowd:It's a miracle! It's almost like she's alive again.

Snake:What's that, floating mask? Y-You want me to shoot everyone? Nah, I'm just screwin' with ya. It's a miracle.

Moe:I've never been so close to rubbing my eyes in disbelief. Oh, what the heck! Huh? Huh?

Kent Brockman:Well, looks like our phenomenon is actually a phenome-not!

Principal Skinner:It was a golden elementary school with a teacher's lounge that stretched as far as the eye could see. And no one was ever tardy.

Skinner · Agnes:And no one was ever tardy. Was I there? No! It was heaven- my vision of heaven.

Homer:Yeah, folks. The power of Christ compels you to give Ned an extra 10 bucks.

Orphan:[Whimpering] Three is not enough. [Coughing, Gagging]

Disco Stu:Maude, it's Disco Stu. Lay some heaven on me, foxy dead chick.

Frank Sinatra:For me, this is hell. You dig, pally?

Professor Frink · Spock:My chair! It's... got a mind of its own! Help me, Mr. Spock! Shazbot! My captain is in peril.

Star Trek character:You saved the captain's life. I want to make out with you. And so do Catwoman and Agent 99.

Ned:That's like explaining how an airplane flies.

Homer · Ned · Lisa:You better stick your head in and see what's goin' on. Good idea. No, Dad! I think there's a leak in the line!

Ned:Oh, no! This isn't a divine miracle. Everyone's just gettin' goofy from the gas.

Ned:That- How could that be worse? Okay, permanent brain damage or just temporary?

Homer:'Could' get hurt. 'Could.' There's a chance they won't.

Homer · Ned:Orphans lighting candles over a leaking gas line. Lighting candles?

Crowd:Adults attacking orphans? I don't think Maude Flanders would approve of that. Absolutely not!

Reporter:Adults attacking orphans? I don't think Maude Flanders would approve of that.

Homer · Crowd:Yeah. This place is more like 'Crazyland.' Instead of 'Praiseland.' I see. It's a play on words.

Moe · Comic Book Guy:Yeah. This place is more like 'Crazyland.' Instead of 'Praiseland.' I see. It's a play on words.

Homer · Rachel:Not! [Laughing] Hey, your hair's grown back real nice. It's a wig. And let's never speak of it again.

Ned · Rachel:Hey, your hair's grown back real nice. It's a wig. And let's never speak of it again.