A Tale Of Two Springfields

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Bart · Homer:[Whoopee Cushion Farts] - [Whimpers] - [Laughs]

Homer:Whoa, a badger! Sorry, man. You can't crash here.

Bart · Lisa:Then what's this? - That says 'corn,' Bart.

Bart · Todd:Can we borrow your woodpecker? - I guess so. But we need him back by 6:00. It's his birthday.

Homer:Badger, my ass. It's probably Milhouse.

Homer:It's a badger, all right, or possibly a griffin.

Lisa · Homer:How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt? - What am I, a tailor?

Homer:939? What the hell is that? Oh, my life is ruined!

Carl:The six is closer to the three, so you got convenience there. But the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.

Lenny · Carl:Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle. And the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.

Carl · Homer:Joan Collins must be in town. - Joan Collins? That girl sleeps with everybody!

Homer:I've been a fan of the Who since the very beginning when they were the Hillbilly Bugger Boys!

Phoney McRingring:Hi. I'm Phoney McRingring, mascot and president of the telephone company.

Lisa · Homer:It's a movie, Dad. - Quiet, honey. Daddy's asking the man a question.

Phoney McRingring · Homer:Are you stupider than a monkey? - How big of a monkey?

Homer · Phone Company Representative:I accuse the phone company of making that film on purpose! - Well, of course we did.

Moe:Homer's right! We're gettin' the Joan Collins special!

Homer:Fellow 939'ers, I say we break off and form our own city!

Homer:Now we just sit back and wait for an N.F.L. Franchise.

Cardinals Representative · Homer:I represent the Arizona Cardinals. - Keep walking.

Cardinals Rep · Homer:Say, I couldn't help but overhear. I represent the Arizona Cardinals. - Keep walking.

Moe:Good decision there, Homer. You showed a lot of poise.

Homer:I reluctantly accept this highly-paid, glamorous job.

Homer · Quimby:We have a better town bird. - Oh, yeah? What is it? - The bluebird. - Damn it.

Homer:Sweetie, you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career.

Homer:Sweetie, you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career.

Bart · Nelson:Give it back! That's my novelty flying disk. / You're in Olde Springfield now!

Kid:Hey, his pants are in our park too! - Get him!

Apu:Oh, no worries there. That's Henderson's toilet paper!

Homer:Hey, the TV man is talking about us.

Homer · Bart:Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, c'mere a minute! - You c'mere a minute! - Oh, yeah?

Homer · Bart:Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, c'mere a minute! - You c'mere a minute! - Oh, yeah?

Doctor · Gambling voices:Oh, no. You can't do heart surgery in the dark! - Sounds like a wager to me. - I'll take a piece of that.

Professor Frink:Oh! Oh! Sweet glayvin! Oh, good God! Hey, wait, wait, wait! Ow! Oh! Oh! Sir Isaac's legs are hurting!

Homer:Those rich, snobby Indians.

Homer · Moe:There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people. - I don't know. Vengeance is good.

Homer · Moe:There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people. - I don't know. Vengeance is good.

Moe:Because of you, we're all takin' golden showers!

Homer · Lenny:We should call the guys they used. / [Homer calling Berlin Wall builders gets wrong area code]

Homer:And then a wave of disease should help to- Hey! Stop streaming over the wall!

Homer:They couldn't take one lousy famine.

Roger Daltrey · Homer:What the hell are you doing? - Duh! Trashing the hotel room.

Pete Townshend · The Who:But we have a handshake agreement with a concert promoter... and that's a sacred bond. - [All] Sacred bond.

Roger Daltrey:Keith Partridge? Who huddle!

Grampa Simpson:I opened for the Who at Woodstock. I came out in a Beatle wig with a ukulele. Hendrix said he almost plotzed. His exact words.

Pete Townshend:That fat, dumb and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.

Marge:Look, Lisa. Daddy's in the Who. Ooh!

Homer:Oh, come on. It plays itself! # Pac-Man fever # # Doo-doo-doo-doo # # It's a-driving me crazy #

Pete Townshend:Well, I'll be chuggered. That's the sticky wicket? Why not just buy telephones with auto ring-up? Or as you Yanks call it, 'speed dial.'

Homer:My experiment? You're the one who came up with this whole idea-