Children Of A Lesser Clod

Homer Simpson:D'oh! [Screams]

YMCA Employee:[Laughs] I know. We'll never see any of you again.

Homer Simpson:You got that right.

Basketball Player:Well, it's your turn to get the ball out of the peach basket.

Basketball Player:I'll get a ball out of your peach basket one of these days.

Coach Lugash:I came to this country in '83 by cartwheeling over Berlin Wall.

Coach Lugash:No giggling! It weakens the haunches!

Coach Lugash:Eight? Too old! Go home, Grandma!

Coach Lugash:Lugash must go next door to anger management class.

Coach Lugash:Worthless anger management class! I hate it so much! I spit on it!

Hip-hop Etiquette Teacher:Yo, boy, this class is tight. You go from 'sloppa' to 'proppa.'

Bart Simpson · Proper Lady:But the black man said- / Are you accusing my husband of misleading you? Good gracious!

Proper Lady:I should bust a cap in your ass!

Homer Simpson:Pick me! Pick me! I got hoop dreams, Coach! I got 'em bad!

Homer Simpson:Losers! Losers, losers, l- / You said Homer, right? / Losers!

Professor Frink:What with the passing, and the dribbling... and my shoes made of the flubber! And away I go! It's frightening.

Professor Frink:Ow, that was painful. Oh, the flubber is burning my feet!

Rainier Wolfcastle:I plan to tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve... where I will hunt the deadliest game of all- Man!

Carl Carlson · Other Player · Rainier Wolfcastle:I am taking the ball and going home. / Hey! Hey, that's not your ball! / [Rifle Clicks] The chase begins.

Carl Carlson:Boy, I am so sick of everyone assuming I'm good at basketball because I'm African-American!

Carl Carlson:Go, Carl. Go, Carl. It's my birthday. It's my birthday. Three-peat! You got mail, baby!

Groundskeeper Willie:Willie tickles the twine for two! Oy! Oy!

Homer Simpson:No way am I taking Groundskeeper Willie.

Willie:[Grunts] Eat my dust, mortals!

Homer Simpson:Oh, my goodness, an untied shoelace. I'll just get down on one knee and re-tie that. [Grunts] Eat my dust, mortals!

Dr. Hibbert · Homer Simpson:Homer, I'm afraid you've torn out your anterior cruciate ligament. / Did you say anterior? / [Screaming]

Homer Simpson:Maybe a little morphine would refresh my memory.

Homer Simpson · Dr. Hibbert:I don't know. I'm still a little hazy. / Now I remember it like it was yesterday. / It happened today. / Hey, man, you're harshing my buzz.

Homer Simpson:Ow! Jetson!

Homer Simpson:Maybe a little morphine would get me there quicker.

Lisa Simpson:One more and I get a free hysterectomy.

Homer Simpson · Dr. Hibbert:What spinal cord injury? / Oh, he fell off the gurney.

Homer Simpson:Miss work? But my life would be nothing without the nucleon plant.

Dr. Hibbert · Homer Simpson:You shouldn't have ordered all those hospital haircuts and porno films. / But Doctor Screwlittle sounded like a delightful romp.

Marge Simpson:We've never welshed on a- Look, a bear! Run!

Homer Simpson:Two weeks? What am I supposed to do? Just sit on my ass and watch TV? That ain't my style, man.

Homer Simpson:No, they don't.

Barney Gumble:Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy.

Homer Simpson:Would you make me some Jell-O?

Ned Flanders:So, the tables have turned! Now you're the shut-in, and I'm the hip young dude!

Ned Flanders:There goes my wagging finger.

Lisa Simpson:Hitch up your pants, air whittle.

Nursing Home Worker · Homer Simpson:Uh, Mr. Simpson, you weren't supposed to leave the home. / Thank you, Ping-Pong. / My name is Craig. / Sure, it is.

Homer Simpson:I know. I'll breed the pets... to each other. [Evil Laugh]

Homer Simpson:Soon I will have a miracle hybrid... with the loyalty of a cat and the cleanliness of a dog!

Homer Simpson:No. That's not how you do it!

Homer:Oh, it feels so good to talk to another human being!

Homer:Stupid Flanders.

Ned Flanders:[Laughs] It's gonna be one wholesome evening.

Marge Simpson · Morgue Worker · Dead Body:That's not my Uncle Lou. And this man's not dead. / That's what I've been trying to tell you! / That's just gas escaping.

Homer Simpson:And this pickle you're offering only sweetens the deal.

Homer Simpson:Daddy's not here, is he? [Laughs]

Homer Simpson:Pokémon? Pokémon? With the pokey and the man... and the- [Gibberish]

Flanders Kid:He told us how the world keeps screwing him over.

Ned Flanders:Well, sir, I've never heard a preacher use the M-F word so many times.

Homer Simpson · Ned Flanders:Don't tell me what I'm not doing. / So you are running a day care center? / Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Homer Simpson · Ned Flanders:Then I'll do it, just to see the look on your face. / That's the one.

Marge Simpson · Homer Simpson:Why did you put my name on the sign? / It's just a legal thing to protect me.

Kid:It's healing over my hand.

Homer Simpson:It knows you're afraid.

Parent · Marge Simpson:I would like to take advantage of your baby prison. / We're calling it day care. / Yes, whatever. Just take them!

Homer:We're calling it day care.

Marge Simpson · Parent:Any medical things I should know about? / Yes, probably!

Homer Simpson:I owe it all to my rewarding work with children. And not picking at it.

Homer Simpson · Dr. Hibbert:Being with those kids gives me a high only morphine can top. / You got any?

Lisa Simpson · Bart Simpson:Dad's been doing that for two hours! / I've never seen the baby get tired of it before the adult.

Lisa Simpson:I can't remember the last time Dad sang us a torch song.

Homer Simpson:You'll have children of your own someday. Then you'll know my joy.

Bart Simpson · Day Care Kid:You haven't seen the real Homer. It's all burping and neglect. / I think we know your dad a little bit better than you do, Bart.

Various children:Boobs! Heinie! Mitten!

Homer Simpson · Kids:If you're happy and you know it, say a swear / Boobs! / Heinie! / Mitten!

Bart:They're always laughing. Laughing at nothing.

Bart Simpson · Lisa Simpson:How come parents are always nicer to other kids than they are to their own? / I guess Dad just takes us for granted.

Lisa:This'll give his heartstrings a much-needed plucking.

Homer Simpson:That was 'tree-mendous!' [Chuckles] Where's Ralph?

Ralph Wiggum:I almost died!

Marge Simpson:I contributed by not objecting too much.

Marge:I contributed by not objecting too much.

Homer Simpson:Don't film this!

Teamster:We're just resting our eyes.

Bart Simpson · Homer Simpson:Ow! You stepped on my arm! / Sorry. Daddy thought you were a pile of cable.

Homer Simpson:Yes. Through the magic of caring.

Homer Simpson:Well, I've been cutting the felt kind of crooked.

Award Show Host:Stop the music! Stop it! One more line, and we have to pay for the song!

Award Show Host:Oh, right. The bus disaster-very sad.

Awards host:Oh, right. The bus disaster-very sad.

Award Show Host:You can walk all over these doormats. [Laughs]

Awards host:You can walk all over these doormats.

Award Show Host:So all of you out there, type 'control backslash semicolon alt dot escape'... and you'll be fine.

Award Show Host:If you can find a sturdier hypno-coin, you buy it.

Award Show Host:would make Santa Claus himself vomit with rage.

Awards host:Who writes this stuff?

Award Show Host:Who writes this stuff?

Homer Simpson:Please let me win this Lord, 'cause if you don't-

Homer Simpson:All my love has come back in trophy form.

Documentary Narrator:His scabby red knee became an infectious beacon of hope.

Bart Simpson:Big phony!

Bart Simpson:A beer-drinking meanie!

Homer Simpson:Oh! I almost had a straight!

Bart Simpson:We just spliced in some home movies. What do you think?

Homer Simpson:I'll mace you good!

Ned Flanders:My polite indignation knows no bounds!

Cletus Spuckler:Come back here with my young'un!

Homer Simpson:Uh, for frosty chocolate milk shakes! [Insane Laugh]

Arnie Pie · Kent Brockman:I'm gonna try to nail the driver with one of my shoes. / Arnie, please leave this to the police. / I'm sick of being a reporter. I want to make the news!

Arnie Pie:You're not the time, Kent! You're not the time!

Ralph Wiggum:Then you better turn.

Arnie Pie:Now he's realizing he's too fat. / He's digging a hole like a dog. / Now he's given up on that and he's running back and forth.

Arnie Pie:His legs are dangling in a comical fashion. / Oh, it's the saddest thing I've ever seen.

Arnie Pie:I can't see through metal, Kent!

Homer Simpson · Bart Simpson · Lisa Simpson:Was it because I showered love on those other children while ignoring you? / Yep. / Pretty much.

Homer Simpson · Lisa Simpson:The teamsters said they'd pick it up by 5:00. / Yeah. That'll happen.

Bill Cosby Impression/Homer:Pokémon? Pokémon? With the pokey and the man... and the- [Gibberish]