Simpsons Tall Tales

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Bart:I wanna visit a screen door factory

Homer:Well, we are not boarding that plane unless you waive that tax. Waive it!

Homer:Stupid anti-fist-shaking laws!

Bart:Cool. A dead hobo.

Hobo:I'm not a stabbin' hobo. I'm a singin' hobo.

Hobo:# Stabbin' folks with my hobo knife #

Hobo:I was just having a little fun with you 'nobos.'

Hobo:# His body grew big but his brain stayed small #

Townsperson:Yuck! All right, uh, let's get started on lunch.

Lenny:Can anybody hear me? I think I found a way out. It's not pretty, but it'll do.

Townsperson:Same way we got rid of Laura Ingalls Wilder.

Homer as Paul:Aw, you guys are the greatest friends a giant doofus could have.

Townsperson:Good Lord! Brought down by one beer? And a couple of these babies.

Lisa:Paul Bunyan never fought Rodan.

Hobo:Hey, hey, hey! Who's the hobo here?

Paul's girlfriend:I just need a few more yoga classes.

Paul's girlfriend:Pain in the glayvin!

Reverend Lovejoy:God has sent this fiery kill rock to show us his love.

Homer as Paul:When I'm crushing and killing you, you don't like me. But when I can save your life, suddenly I'm Mr. Popular.

Homer as Paul:This one's for the little crippled boy... that I crippled.

Hobo:And that's how Paul Bunyan started the great Chicago fire.

Hobo:But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.

Hobo:But first, who wants to give me a sponge bath? I'm filthy.

Hobo as Southside Jake:Who put the beans in my bindle?

Hobo:It's the tale ofJohnny- No. Connie Appleseed.

Lisa · Homer:Why'd you kill another one? Dessert.

Homer:Dad, you just killed a poor defenseless buffalo. A poor, delicious buffalo.

Townsperson:Wipe out an entire species? Why, that's impossible.

Lisa/Connie:Of course! Apples!

Homer:Oh, boy! Buffalo testicles!

Hobo:And her family changed theirs to Bufflekill.

Homer:how about whipping up some buffalo sausage... huevos buffaleros, and some fresh-squeezed buffal-O. J?

Bart:Calm down, Pa. There's two left.

Townsperson:It's like a hootenanny in my mouth!

Townsperson:So now we're not eating Homer?

Homer:Apple wine, apple whiskey... apple schnapps, apple martinis... uh, Snapple with vodka in it... apple nail polish remover-

Marge · Homer:Don't forget applesauce. Yeah. I suppose you could grind some pills into it.

Homer:Yeah. I suppose you could grind some pills into it.

Lisa:That's not a tall tale. It's a book by Mark Twain.

Lisa:That's not a tall tale. It's a book by Mark Twain.

Huck/Bart:Whitewashing sucks, Tom. It powerful sucks.

Bart as Huck:I'd just get a new neck off n a cat.

Huck/Bart:I was gonna let go by-and-by.

Marge:When are you gonna put down that gun?

Townsperson:Hey, they done switched the groom with a pig!

Townsperson:Hey, they done switched the groom with a pig!

Townsperson:No wonder he was pooping so much.

P.A. Announcer:Please do not exit the raft... until it has come to a complete stop.

Tom and Huck:fatback, hardtack, fat pone, 'corntack.' Any 'tackback'? 'Tackback'? I mean 'backtack.'

Tom/Homer:Double dang!

Store owner:Aw, donkey butter!

Pursuer:Well, dog my cats. They's dis-apporated.

Bar patron:This ain't no five-X whiskey. I can still see.

Barkeeper:Now let's just put 'em away. Nobody here is a cheat.

Townsperson:Man, those derringer bullets are weak. Powerful weak.

Hobo:And that was Tom and Huck's last adventure.

Homer:We're gonna visit the place where JCPenney sends their damaged merchandise.

Hobo:swappin' stories for sponge baths.

Homer:Oh, boy! Buffalo testicles!

Homer:Oh, boy! Buffalo testicles! [Chomping Sound]