The Great Money Caper

Homer:D'oh! [Screams]

Homer:Beer, yes! How did you know?

Homer:Oh, they oughta call that a 'Large' Island Iced Tea.

Marge:No, 'Long' is better.

Questo:[Thinking] If she doesn't like it, I'll just die!

Marge:Mmm! I'd like to visit that Long Island place, if only it were real.

Bart:I'll do it! I always end up doing it.

Marge:That's no gentleman. That's my husband.

Marge:That's no gentleman. That's my husband.

Bart · Lisa:Wow. Mom got a laugh. / I wish she drank every day.

Marge:You talk too much. Abraca-blab-ra. Am I right?

Diablo:Tell you what? Let's get this ball gag on ya.

Diablo:You won't feel a thing. You'll feel four things.

Bart:So she was made of chimps. Man, magic can do anything!

Homer:Gee, I wish I could, Son. But we already left the gift shop.

Lisa · Bart:That's a party magic college. / It is not. / Yah-huh. / Nuh-huh.

Marge:Mommy needs some quiet right now.

Mechanic:Hmm. Mm-hmm. Hmm. Well, there's your problem.

Mechanic:Oh. Well, that's a foreign fish we're looking at. So, uh, 6,500.

Bart:Witness mystifying feats that will leave you scratching your head... until it's raw and bloody!

Homer:Come on. Pony up, Flanders. The kid's not turning tricks for nothin'.

Homer:Yeah, you know: Magic, fortune telling, Oriental cooking.

Bart · Homer:Dad, only one of them is real. / I know, but which one?

Bart · Homer:Yeah. And a good dad wouldn't miss his son's little league games. / I told you! I find them boring!

Bart:Well, I showed up for all your stupid interventions!

Old Lady:My father was a monster too.

Bart · Homer:But wouldn't that make us con artists? / Well, yeah.

Homer:But God conned me out of 6,500 bucks in car repairs. So, in a way, we'd just be balancing out the universe.

Homer:There you go! We'd be stealing from people we know. It's just like the seasons.

Bart · Homer:You want to eat my fat? / I think you know the answer to that.

Homer:There's the Pigeon Drop, the Ear Wigger, the Brillstein grab-

Marge:What are you doing? Why are you frosting that old throw pillow?

Homer · Marge:I could ask you the very same question. / Uh, should I just back out of the room? / Would you?

Bart · Homer:Nice use of the lingo, Homer. / 10-4, kemosabe.

Homer:You'll work off that cake in the acid mines!

Homer:Well, you're the mark... of integrity.

Marge · Bart:How'd you do your act? You left your magic kit here. / Or so it would seem.

Marge · Homer:How'd you do your act? You left your magic kit here. / Or so it would seem.

Lisa · Marge:Is that a Long Island Iced Tea? / Oh, this? Hmm. I think it is.

Marge:Mmm. You're a pretty girl.

Bart:Or if not him, a similar dog.

Milhouse:Oy! I'll never be a man.

Homer:Like my bike that was stolen in third grade. Plus the baldness.

Ned · Bart:Wait a minute. This seems an awful lot like that movie Paper Moon. / Run, Dad!

Homer · Grampa:Dad? / That's right. / You don't smoke a pipe. / That's right.

Grampa:They used to call me Grifty McGrift. I wrote the book on flimflammin'.

Grampa:In the Depression, you had to grift. Either that or work.

Grampa:Yeah. In the Depression, you had to grift. Either that or work.

Homer:Oh, why not? If we don't take their money, they'll just give it to some televangelist.

Grampa:Let's dust a few fossils.

Grampa:Now this scam was in The Sting, Part Two, so nobody knows about it.

Grampa:I can finally afford a young, crazy, stripper wife.

Grampa:Yeah. I'm gonna get me the craziest, 'strippiest'-

Grampa:Call me mint jelly, 'cause I'm on the lam!

FBI Agent:Well, this is about the flashiest car I've ever impounded.

Homer:Yeah. We're not criminals. We're just two crazy, mixed-up kids.

Chief Wiggum:Oh, sure. I'll put you in the Rick James suite. It's super freaky.

Bart · Homer:That's not an F.B.I. Badge. / 'Colgate Cavity Patrol'? Ohh!

Homer:Well, lies got us into this mess, Son. From now on, it's honesty all the way.

Marge · Homer:You were carjacked in the church parking lot? / Absolutely. We had stopped in for a quick prayer

Homer · Bart:He was foreign, and he had- Wild, bushy hair, like an animal.

Homer:Uh, well, he seemed like a loner. Kept to himself mostly.

Willie:I did not do it, I tell ya!

Willie · Cop:At least, let me comb me hair. It's all wild and bushy. / What do you care, Loner.

Lisa:Hmm. She hasn't touched her Manwich.

Bart · Homer:It's 10:00 in the morning. / I guess you haven't heard of chloroform.

Homer:I guess you haven't heard of chloroform.

Prosecutor:Carjacking? Who said anything about a carjacking?

Prosecutor · Homer:Fuzzy like Willie's beard? / Yes! Exactly! No, no. I mean the whole incident is hazy. / Hazy like the moors of Scotland?

Homer:Yes! Exactly! No, no. I mean the whole incident is hazy.

Prosecutor:Hazy like the moors of Scotland?

Jury Foreman:I believe we was promised $5.00 a day.

Jury Foreman:I believe we was promised $5.00 a day. / All right then. Guilty!

Willie:Ten years? But I 'didna' do it!

Homer:Let's see where he's going with this.

Skinner:Hey, watch it! / I look like cable TV.

Devon Bradley:Devon Bradley. Character actor, dancer, singer. I'm a triple threat!

Lisa:I know it seems far-fetched, even insulting to your intelligence. But there's a simple and highly satisfying explanation. You see-