Homя

Homer:D'oh! [Screams] [Air Whooshing]

Unknown narrator:Animation is so great. It's way better than... whatever the alternative is.

Bart:Wait. I'm confused. Why was a wolf shooting a web?

Homer · Marge:Cartoons don't have to make sense. He's right, you know.

Gravey · Jobriath:What you making there, Gravey? It's a pipe bomb, Jobriath... for to blow up Planned Parenthood.

Voice actor · Reporter:All I need is some courage. Courage, I tell ya. Excuse me, but isn't that voice very similar to the Cowardly Lion?

Voice actor · Reporter:Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina. And Clutzy Cat sounds exactly like Jerry Lewis... with the stealing and the lawsuit and the 'Oh, nice judge. Don't hurt a person with the thing.'

Louis · Itchy:Here's your smokes, Mr. Itchy. Thank you, Louis.

Itchy · Multiple characters:I don't know what's in 'em. I just know I can't stop smokin' 'em! [All Laughing] [All Coughing]

Ned Flanders:Wait a minute. Was that cat making out with that mouse? 'Cause if they were-

Homer:Pick me! Pick me!

Homer:I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, Here is my spout

Homer:I'll make him an offer he can't refuse. And that's the truth. [Raspberry]

Homer:Don't spay or neuter your pets. Good night!

Homer · Multiple characters:Oh, yeah. Urinal cake eroding. Eroding! Eroding! Gone! [All Cheer] [All Whimper]

Homer:An opossum capering around like that would be a smash hit. It would be the world's funniest marsupial.

Homer · Unknown character:And I'm gonna get a piece of the action! So, does he still work here, or what?

Homer · Homer as Marge:Hello, Marge. [High-pitched Voice] Hi, Homie. Sign this, please. [High-pitched Voice] You're the boss.

Homer · Homer as child · Bank teller:[High-pitched Voice] Daddy, ask the man for some candy. No, no. No candy for you. [High-pitched Voice] Well, at least get some candy for yourself. [Chuckles] Kids.

Homer:You heard the monkey. Make the trade.

Automated voice · Homer:Animotion, up one and one-half. Yahoo! Yahoo, up six and a quarter. Huh? What is this crap?

News anchor · Homer:After plunging 75 points this morning. Oh. I hope 'plunging' means 'up' and '75' means '200.'

News anchor:The firm declared super-duper bankruptcy... which is terrible news for the company's only stockholder, Homer Simpson.

Homer · Family:Okay, people. Let's keep this short. We all want to get home to our families. [All Laughing] All right. First item. I lost our life savings in the stock market.

Homer · Lisa:Now let's move on to the real issue- Lisa's hogging of the maple syrup. Well, maybe if Mom didn't make such dry waffles. There, I said it.

Marge:Well, maybe if you ate some meat, you'd have a natural lubricant.

Homer:Point of order. I didn't lose all the money. There was enough left for this cowbell. Damn you, eBay!

Homer:Damn you, eBay!

Homer · Marge:You rent your womb to a rich childless couple. If you agree, signify by getting indignant. Are you crazy? I'm not gonna be a surrogate mother.

Homer:It's 'uter-us,' not 'uter-you.'

Barney · Homer:Like you chew on a telephone wire till you get a shock. Oh. Oh, right. Okay.

Homer · Barney:Are those ears? Ow! Not so loud!

Scientist:We'll call it Desert Breeze.

Homer · Scientists:Food? [Whimpers] I'm blind! [Screaming] Who's gonna buy a pill that makes you blind?

Scientists:He's a little too well fed to be a wino. Hey. What's that? Zoom in on section eight.

Homer · Dr. Hibbert:But I've had thousands of head X-rays. How come no one ever noticed it before? Oh, I can answer that. You see, whenever I pick up an X-ray, I always hold it like this. My thumb must have covered up the crayon every time.

Dr. Hibbert:[Chuckles] I'll show myself out.

Young Homer · Adult Homer:Fourteen. Fifteen. Sixteen! Whoo-hoo! Oh, I don't feel so good. [Sneezes] Ah, I think that's all of them.

Homer:Hey, I came here to be drugged, electrocuted and probed, not insulted.

Homer:Increase my killing power, eh? Let's do it.

Homer:And they gave me this spiffy nerd ensemble too.

Homer:Dr. Joyce Brothers may be well-known... but her psychological credentials are highly suspect.

Homer:Notice I no longer say 'libary' or 'tomorry.'

Homer:It's so tragic the way they hopped on Pop.

Cletus:Now hold still. Nothing cracks a turtle like Leon Uris. Ow! Dang it! Ow!

Ned Flanders:That sonata may not be a Glenn Gould performance... but I must say it's 'good as Gould.' [Chuckles]

Homer:Better. I was working on a flat tax proposal... and I accidentally proved there's no God.

Ned:We'll just see about tha- Uh-oh. Well, maybe he made a mista- No. It's airtight.

Ned Flanders:We'll just see about tha- Uh-oh. Well, maybe he made a mista- No. It's airtight. Can't let this little doozy get out.

Homer:I am here to give hope to the least of you... because we all have a crayon up our nose. Maybe it's not a crayon made of wax. Maybe it's a crayon made of prejudice.

Nelson · Homer:A moron says what? Not being a moron, I wouldn't know. However- [Mumbles] What? Ladies and gentlemen, I give you your moron.

Homer · Lenny:I've compiled a thorough safety report on this plant. I've decided to disintermediate the local authorities... and send it straight to the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

Carl · Carl's codpiece wearer:Homer's the guy who rigged up my pants with this special codpiece. Comfy, isn't it? Oh, yeah. It provides the freedom and protection I so sorely need.

Carl:I can't feed my family with a codpiece.

Homer:Wait. You can't hate me. I'm your better! Your better!

Homer:Hey! That's me! Stop that. The fire inspector would be appalled.

Barney:And I was a lot happier before I knew Dame Edna was a man. A lot happier.

Homer · Moe:I'm detecting a distinct strain... of anti-intellectualism in this tavern. Power off, Einstein.

Lisa:Oh, many things. Tai chi, chai tea... but I find when I can't keep the unhappy thoughts from swirling in my brain... the best thing is usually a nice long walk.

Homer · Moviegoer · Another moviegoer:You know she's gonna wind up marrying Richard Gere. I thought she'd wind up with that rich snob. Ably played by Bill Paxton. It's Bill Pullman, you fool!

Homer:Hey. Don't blame me. This movie is tired and predictable.

Homer:I'm a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.

Homer · Octo-parrot:That's ridiculous. You do nothing but play God. And I think your 'octo-parrot' would agree. [Squawks] Polly shouldn't be. [Whistles]

Moe:The old 'Crayola oblongata.'

Homer · Moe:Extended warranty? How can I lose? Perfect.

Homer:We were what-what in the what-what?

Homer (letter):Lisa, I'm taking the coward's way out. But before I do, I just want you to know... being smart made me appreciate how amazing you really are.

Homer · Lisa:Oh, you want a hug. Well, that I know how to do. [Grunts] Mmm. Hug.