Treehouse Of Horror Xii

Mr. Burns:No, no. That won't scare anybody. On the top.

Bart:Hey, Flanders gave us toothpaste. Mini-toothpaste.

Homer:Ah, Ethnictown, where hardworking immigrants dream of becoming lazy, overfed Americans.

Street Vendor:Apples! I got apples. Cholera! I got cholera!

Street Vendor:Babies! Who wants babies?

Homer · Baby Vendor:Wait. This is just a shaved puppy. I can see you know babies.

Fortune Teller · Homer:Are you a cop? Because you gotta tell me if you are. I'm not a cop!

Homer:The perfect crime.

Homer · Fortune Teller:Marge, I have to be in court next Tuesday. I sense I should not take a check.

Marge:This phony gypsy just wants to rip you off. See? This wart is a fake!

Homer:So much for the legendary gypsy hospitality.

Fortune Teller:Wait a minute. This isn't Cedars-Sinai. You've ruined me! Oh, why didn't I see this coming?

Homer:Are you coming on to me?

Marge:So, it is noticeable.

Homer:Don't talk to the bearded lady like that, you little...

Lisa:Gee, you strangle him all the time and that never happens.

Homer · Lisa:Right, Lisa? See? Two means 'Yes.'

Barney:But they come over here in the wheel wells of Aer Lingus jets.

Barfly · Barney:Hey, you know what's even better? Is Jesus. He's like six leprechauns. Yeah, but a lot harder to catch.

Barney:Yeah, but a lot harder to catch. Go with the leprechaun.

Lenny · Carl:Carl, let me die first. I couldn't bear to watch you die. Well, okay. But hurry up.

Lisa:Okay, let's see. Imp, fairy, pixie, goblin. That's hobgoblin. Sorry. Nymph, naiad, wood sprite, Katie Couric, and bingo!

Homer:'Tis like the singing of the angels themselves.

Homer:Good idea, Mister Ed. Want to come along, Noodle Neck?

Fortune Teller:How's that curse I cursed you with, Cursed-y?

Homer:I know you don't remember me, but here's a little revenge, Irish-style.

Leprechaun · Fortune Teller:Hold me close. Kiss me, I'm Irish. Ew! Nasty!

Comic Book Guy:I always secrete ocular fluid at weddings.

Selma or Patty:The best thing about a gypsy wedding is I'm not the hairiest woman here.

Homer · Marge:What? Bart is dead! Well, me saying I'm sorry won't bring him back. The gypsy said it would. She's not the boss of me.

Matthew Perry Voice:Yeah. Could I be any more of a house?

Homer · Lisa:Isn't that the voice that caused all those suicides? Murder-suicides.

Marge · Pierce Brosnan Voice:All right, but I'm doing this because he was Remington Steele. He was Remington Steele, wasn't he? Yes, I was, Marge.

Homer:That really covers the cat crap.

Pierce Brosnan Voice:I analyzed your... leavings.

Marge · Pierce Brosnan Voice:Not a very good one? Damn straight.

Homer:Lucky-schmucky. I knocked her up, but she's stuck now. We're married till death do us part.

Homer:Unexplained bacon.

Pierce Brosnan Voice:Remove your knickers and wait in the bath.

Pierce Brosnan Voice:Your elegant, swan-like neck.

Homer:How do you like that score?

Pierce Brosnan Voice:Don't take out my British charm unit. Without that, I'm nothing but a boorish American clod!

Pierce Brosnan Voice:Thanks a lot, ass-wipe! I could've kicked your butt from here to Albuquerque, you fat slime bucket.

Pierce Brosnan Voice:Looking for this?

Bart:Abraca-dairy.

Lisa:Five minutes more-ius.

Bart:Stop zapping yourself! Stop zapping yourself! Stop zapping yourself!

Prince · Teacher:How are you, love? Give us a kiss then. You call that charming?

Bart's Prince:Please kill me.

Bart's Prince:Every moment I live is agony.

Milhouse:She's got more wicked witchery than Stevie Nicks.

Lord Montymort:Oh, no. I'm ducking him. His wife has a screenplay.

Bart:I've heard of a wailing wall, but this is ridiculous!

Wailing Wall:Not funny! I'm so sick of that joke!

Lord Montymort:Not funny! I'm so sick of that joke!

Audience Member:It's just like my dream.

Lisa:It's a Twizzler.

Lord Montymort:My enchanted shin!

Character · Barney:Well, they used to give us champagne till somebody ruined it. Do they really think he'll do better with fruit?

Leprechaun:Oh, we don't have a car. Just keep driving, boyo!