The Bart Wants What It Wants

Homer:No! The Olympics have preempted my favorite shows for the last time.

Homer:You wait till next month! You wait till next month!

Lisa:Dad, you told me there were no private schools in Springfield.

Homer:But knowing about it would make you want to go here.

Homer:10-4, Princess. Is that your beer tent?

Homer · Headmaster:Oh! Is that where Boozer drank the pee? / It's one of the places.

Skinner:And our school board's cut us back to 16. All of them lanthanides.

Skinner:Here's your bond issue!

Lisa · Skinner:Principal Skinner, you're just stealing. / Welcome to Dick Cheney's America.

Cletus:Mr. Puck, you make the only grub what satisfies my gut worm, I swear.

Wolfgang Puck:They are wasabi-infused with a portobello glaze. And you can buy them at the airport.

Brandine · Wolfgang Puck:I make mine with M&M's. / With M&M's? Now that's what I call fusion.

Homer:No one's doing any bumping. Time to ram-a-lam these ding-dongs.

Ned Flanders:This is going right to the orphanage.

Homer · Ned:Homer's auction sabotage backfiring: wins $100 bill for $50, Ned donates it to orphanage

Rich bullies:Look at her cry! New money always cries!

Rich bully:The name is Jackington.

Rich bullies:To the Hamptons!

Rich bully:Hey, butler, stop butling yourself.

Rainier Wolfcastle:McBain, Officer Nick Vengeance, Sergeant Murder, and I was a voice on the Frasier.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Come. We play Uno. I chase you with hose. No biggie.

Homer · Lisa:In South Carolina. / Oh! I will not be a Gamecock!

Homer:Don't give them nicknames like 'Jumbo' or 'Boxcar,' and always get receipts. Makes you look like a business guy.

Rainier Wolfcastle:One highway, zero city.

Rainier Wolfcastle:If you don't shut your big yap, I will rip off your face and use it as a napkin!

Bart:Wow! The Q-tip he used to kill Ross Perot.

Bart · Greta:Oh, it's okay. My bed is stuffed with hay. / (LAUGHING) Bart, you're so funny.

Director voice:We shot this at 4:00 in the morning, and the crew was getting a little cranky. You can never get enough takes for Steven Soderbergh.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Homer, I see your daughter is one of those whale-kissing, Dukakis-hugging moon maidens.

Bart:He's my best friend because... Well, geographical convenience, really.

Milhouse:I'm wearing my bathing suit under my pants.

Chuck:Hi, I'm Chuck. I live in his trunk.

Rainier Wolfcastle · Homer:Oh, that's just Lara Flynn Boyle. / I have a Boyle on my ass!

Skinner:I just hope the audience is kind because my material is weak, and I have that bladder thing.

Bart · Homer:This is the biggest thing that's happened to me since chocolate milk! / They've got chocolate milk now?

Skinner:Have you ever noticed how the dumb kids fill in the wrong circles?

Skinner:I think I heard California surfer.

Bart:Lisa, I only lied because it was the easiest way to get what I wanted.

Bart:Lise, women are easy. State capitals are hard!

Rainier Wolfcastle:Cockfight.

Chief Wiggum · Lou:Lou, you can't leave the force! I can change! / I just think there's more money in private security. / All I'm hearing is I'm too fat.

Rainier Wolfcastle:No. Let my muscles hug you.

Greta:Except he kissed me in the eye.

Homer:Canada? Why should we leave America to visit America Junior?

Ned Flanders:It's so clean and bland. I'm home!

Store clerk:American currency! What time would you like your breakfast, sir?

Marge · Bus driver:Oh, I see you drive on the left up here. / No, Ma'am. I'm drunk.

Canadian nerd:The geek shall inherit the earth.

Milhouse:My therapist said that's all I could ever hope for.

Canadian announcer:Both our viewers must be thrilled.

Milhouse:I told you! I don't know how that scrunchie got in my hair!

Milhouse:I can't believe I have to give her half my stuff!

Bart · Milhouse:I can't believe we're on the Canadian Olympic Basketball team. / Yep. It's just that easy.

Student · Kearney:How come you always run out of tardy slips before you run out of permission slips? / How come you suck?