Brawl In The Family

Republican Speaker:Thanks to the magic of Disney Animatronics, Strom Thurmond will live another 100 years.

Republican voices:Twenty more terms!

Republican Speaker:What act of unmitigated evil shall the Republican Party undertake this week?

Republican Speaker:You've already done enough, Nader.

Republican member:Those lousy Muppets have been taking food out of my mouth for too long!

Texas Republican:Back in Texas, we got rid of it, and it made everyone a lot happier. He was so happy...

Republican Speaker:Now Bob Dole will read from the Necronomicon.

Bob Dole:Recycling a felony. And Smokey the Bear is now Choppy the Lumberjack.

Republican member:A grizzly bear with a chainsaw. Now there's a killing machine!

Automatic safety message:Stop endangering yourself. Stop endangering yourself.

Homer:Good Lord! Acid rain! I'm singing in the rain Just singing in the rain What a glorious feeling

Groundskeeper Willie:It burns like a Glasgow bikini wax!

Marge:We'd better stay inside, at least until the squirrels stop melting.

Female blind date:He smelled like puke!

Marge:The game is crazy enough as it is. How can an iron be a landlord?

Homer:They told me it would be like this on the outside.

Lisa:These hotels are made of Legos. Bart, you're cheating!

Lisa:Oh, sure. You take his side just because he bought you that house on St. James Place.

Lisa · Marge:Mom, that's not how you pry them apart. I've been prying them apart since before you were born!

Chief Wiggum:The Prison Nutcracker Suite is one week away. And I don't see five Sugar Plums. I see five guys who don't know their moves and don't seem to care!

Chief Wiggum:And don't try anything, because Johanssen there is a snitch.

Lou:Another case of Monopoly-related violence, Chief.

Chief Wiggum:How do those Parker Brothers sleep at night?

Negotia-bot:I am Brenda. I am programmed to talk in a calm and constructive manner. Destroy! Destroy!

Homer:Hey, this is taffy! Police brutality!

Homer:And chew-tality!

Lou:Too bad real women don't come with these, huh?

Marge:You're going to Stanford. You're going to Stanford.

Lisa:Stanford. This family has hit rock bottom.

Homer:Like Denzel Washington in The Preacher's Wife, or Will Smith in Bagger Vance, or Slimer in Ghostbusters.

Homer:Don't blame me. Blame Tinseltown in its second golden age, may it never end.

Bart · Marge:I got sprayed by a skunk! Let me rub it off on your sweaters! Just 10 more years. Just 10 more years.

Homer:He has to be here. I'm just that nuts.

Bart:How come you get a social worker? I'm the one with stigmata.

Marge:Because at 6:00, we go live!

Homer:It's where I go to drink alcohol, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia.

Homer:Well, not with that temper.

Homer:Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him!

Homer:Well, this is one family that doesn't swing that way!

Homer:As a family, we drive away. We cover for each other as a family. That's what Gabriel would've wanted

Lisa · Gabriel:Look, Gabriel! We're learning to work together! That's great. But so are the wolves and cougars!

Marge:My driving ankle.

Marge:Oh, no! The roast beef is making them stronger! And the falafel is making them angrier!

Homer:Oh, wait. It's Blatz.

Homer:You know, we've been through some 280 adventures together, but our bond has never been stronger.

Lisa:Could this be the end of our series of events?

Homer:Oh, it's the woman I married in Vegas!

Amber:Homer, you're a bad man, and your seed should be wiped from the earth. No offense, children.

Marge:If I had known there were loose women in Las Vegas, I would never have let you go!

Homer:Liquors drunkened me!

Ginger:Upstairs? I hit the jackpot!

Homer:We never ever made whoopee, or even mouth whoopee!

Judge:Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or 'Mormon Hold 'Em,' is perfectly legal.

Homer:You can't kick me out. It'll cause a miscount in the census!

Marge:Oh, no. She's making him a sandwich!

Ned Flanders:We don't use the 'I' word in this house.

Ned Flanders:We flushed your sin sticks down to hell. Smokers are jokers.

Ginger:You could look seven. And I could teach you to count cards.

Bart:No. You're thinking of someone with two knives.

Marge:Why don't you just take Britney Beers and get out of here?

Homer:Talk about what? Sports? Bigamy? Not a sports fan, huh?

Amber:And hold the Beach!

Barney:You know, she can put that mole anywhere on her face.

Grampa:You want to give Honest Abe another term in the Oval Office?

Bart:You crapped out, Vegas Mom!

Ginger:Yeah. I'm sure there's poker games we can be won in.

Grampa:Well, it hurts now. But the senility will take care of that.

Grampa:You know, I have a son about your age.