The Strong Arms Of The Ma

Rainier Wolfcastle:Three divorces in three months. What can I say, Kent? I'm a romantic.

Rainier Wolfcastle:This was done on her wedding day. Or should I say 'deading' day?

Homer:How the mighty have fallen... into my price range. I wanna go there.

Lisa:Dad, we are there.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Zip it, Holy Joe.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Miss September... you're gonna have to get in the trunk.

Homer:Everything here is sword. Sword baseball bat, sword rifle, sword pineapple... sword sword sharpener, sword pie.

Homer:Hey, what happened to the sword pie?

Homer:Hey, your early porno movies. Oh, wait, are any of these hetero?

Marge:The weights that changed you from a Bavarian cream puff... to a mass of twitching muscles?

Rainier Wolfcastle:They know you are talking about them.

Homer:This is what all those hours of playing Tetris were for.

Homer:[Tetris theme music playing while Homer packs car]

Marge · Homer:But there's no room for you. / D'oh!

Rainier Wolfcastle:I used it to carry Rob Schneider in the movie My Baby is an Ugly Man.

Homer · Rainier Wolfcastle:Your heartbeat is so soothing. / Shh. Time for sleep, little fatso.

Bart:How did you turn cinnamon applesauce into that?

Maggie:Don't try to pin this on me, sister.

Apu:The bathroom is not for customers. Please use the crack house.

Apu:That is the most pungent thing I've ever smelled and I am from India.

Apu:That sign is just a ruse, like all high voltage signs.

Marge · Mugger:It's not a purse. It's a diaper bag. / It looks like a purse, that's why I bought it. / But it's really a--

Homer · Chief Wiggum:It's all my fault my wife got mugged. / There you have it, boys. Case closed.

Marge:Why is it Ned Flanders?

Chief Wiggum:Oh, like, I'm gonna kick Chief Wiggum in the groin.

Ralph:Even my boogers are spicy.

Mailman:Can you believe I get paid to wear short pants?

Mugger · Marge:I gave your necklace to my cheap girlfriend. I just throw it in a drawer at night. No, it'll tangle!

Mailman:Oh, no, my glasses are broken. [Twilight Zone theme plays]

Dr. Hibbert:It's called The Woman Who Died in Her Home.

Dr. Hibbert · Marge:I hope you like throwing dinner parties. / I do. / No one wants to eat dinner at a crazy lady's house. Get real.

Homer · Marge:Don't worry. I'll set fire to the hive. / Twelve. Fifteen. Seven hundred and three.

Lisa · Homer:I'm a magazine rack. / Look, I'm the first to admit it. I don't write good parts for women.

Homer:What play? What the hell is he talking about?

Homer:We'll have to smoke her out.

Bart:Breaker, Bartman to shut-in. The big guy's asleep. Please advise. Over.

Homer:Why, you little-- Oh, ha, ha, hi, Jesus. I was just--

Homer:The air hockey table makes passing the carrots a breeze.

Homer:I loved that show because you always knew... it was only a half-hour till Wings. Then you could just sleep till Monday.

Exercise instructor on TV:If you don't, the oven's not on.

Homer:I'm married to Joey Heatherton.

Marge:I got all the way out to the tree before I realized I'd left the house.

Ned Flanders:Well, aren't you a super-duper recouper?

Grandpa Simpson:Then you're not paying close enough attention.

Marge:You've just been Marge-inalized.

Homer:It's like I'm married to Shaft.

Marge:I have many anti-drug bumper stickers I'd be making a liar out of my tailgate.

Ruth Powers:Steroids aren't drugs. They occur naturally in the body... like sweat or tumors.

Ruth Powers:Yes. Their main side effect is greatness.

Otto:Man, what am I smoking? Oh, yeah, pot.

Homer:I feel that illegal performance-enhancing drugs... are too common these days. Rebuttal?

Marge:I wasn't asking.

Homer:Your mom has a lot of stuff to shave.

Homer:Your mom has a lot of stuff to shave.

Bart:Ay caramba. I'm off women forever.

Homer · Bart:I'm tired of her criticizing my saggy glutes. / Quiet. Her muscular ears can hear us.

Marge:I didn't sacrifice my period for second place.

Moe:I don't got enough booze in this place to make you look good.

Disco Stu:Disco Stu should have disco ducked. Ow.

Homer:The woman who instead of swatting a fly... will give it a bath and send it on its way.

Homer · Moe:Whoa, Moe, wait a minute. Don't you have to buy insurance first? / Oh, crap.

Homer · Marge:Ready for a real workout, Marge? / Good. Can you wax the car? / Ow. Ow. Ow. I'm kidding. I'm kidding.