Milhouse Doesnt Live Here Anymore

Homer:D'oh! (screams)

Nelson:My mom got too fat to work at Hooters! They won't even let her park cars.

Nelson's family:(tires screeching)

Bart:Hey, don't tell us how to feel!

Milhouse:What do you care, Mrs. Krabappel... or should I say, Mrs. Crab apple?

Mrs. Krabappel:Crab apple? I never thought of that! It totally works! How could I have been so blind?

Background workers:Rollin', rollin', rollin' toxic barrel rollin' / they're so hot and glowin' / we'll die!

Mr. Burns:Let them while away the afternoon spilling their beer on gullets and trousers whilst drooling over French postcards

Isabel Sanford:At this 'museum,' you won't see a Michelangelo, but you might see Michael Landon and Beverly D'Angelo

Milhouse:Man, you've been huffing from the bart bag

Homer:To old man Burns, who's paying us to drink because we're embarrassing! We suck! We suck.

Homer:Ohh... a lot of that went in my lungs

Homer:I'm honored to drink to Apu and, uh... Apulina

Apu:Including a bouquet of flowers, diamond earrings, and we're going to see Paris... Hilton. In Paris... Texas. On our way to Paris, France.

Homer:Well... these charity address labels that came in the mail

Milhouse:No, Walter's been cool

Bart:Well, if it's not easy, don't do it. That's how I got where I am.

Bart:You mean up until now you did care? Then why did you wear that tutu to school last week?

Milhouse:What about all the times I didn't wear a tutu? Nobody ever brings those up.

Milhouse:It's the Paul Lynde Helen Reddy Hudson Brothers Easter Special! With guest stars Willie Tyler and Lester and Nadia Comaneci!

Nadia Comaneci (on TV):I don't think you understand the mechanics of heterosexual sex

Bart:Check it out-- I'm riding some guy named Ironside!

Robot:Ow, my banana! Danger, danger! Door ajar. The indignity!

Homer:I don't wanna go home! I'm not done talking to me!

Bum:You think that rat is a remote

Homer:I don't need your sharity!

Homer:I'll dance for my money! (humming hoochie-coochie)

Bum:You think you can dance

Bart:You can't move that far. You're my best friend. What's your mom making? I'll match it!

Milhouse:My mom's already transferred her 401k

Luann · Kirk:Hey, I thought you said my money was no good. I said you're no good.

Kirk:I'll fight you with every lunch half-hour I get

Marge:Why are your clothes so dirty? And why do you smell like liquor? Have you been clubbing?

Marge:That Chevron station has the most romantic bouquets!

Marge:We're having a simultaneous pass out!

Ralph:My nose makes its own bubble gum!

Ralph · Bart:I found you, Bart! Ralph, we're playing checkers. I don't like you, boy-mommy.

Bum:You smell worse than you did last time

Bum:Well, there are six schools of begging: Bad musician, messed-up vet, cripple, fake cripple, religious zealot, and crazy guy

Homer:Coke and Pepsi are the same thing! Wake up, people!

Milhouse:Yeah. I gave my look some new flava. Suck it in!

Milhouse · Bart:Now, please let me give you a wedgie in front of these guys. No way! Please? I'll be gentle.

Capital City kids:Springfield baby, in a diaper, poked his eye with a windshield wiper! Springfield baby! Springfield baby!

Marge:You'll be like an owl saying Milhouse who? Milhouse who? Milhouse whooo?

Bart · Lisa:Hey, moldilocks, mom says I'm supposed to help you. Fine. You can confirm the accuracy of the hose.

Bart · Lisa:You wet your pants. Shut up! It's a serious problem.

Lisa · Bart:I'm gonna hit you so hard, I'll kill your whole family! Bart, you're in my family. Shut up!

Marge · Homer:Are these diamondique? Nope. Diamondelle? Nope. Cubic diamondium? Nope. Dioxy-ribo-diamondoid? Close, but no cigar.

Homer:Hostess Twinkies? I heard, if you age them for ten years, they turn to liquor

Bart · Lisa:Everyone knows you're the future of family. That's not true, Bart. Mom and dad value us equally, and... aw, you're right.

Bart · Lisa:Just forget everything you know about gravity. But I know so much about it.

Lisa · Bart:We're like Howard Carter discovering the temple of Tutankhamun. Or like when I discovered the school's xerox code. One, four, seven. Just saying it makes my butt feel warm again.

Bart:Oh, look! He's picking his nose

Bart:That's what you call commitment to a bit

Lisa:Thank god we've come to our senses and worship a carpenter who lived 2,000 years ago

Groundskeeper Willie:Like Englishmen and Scots. Or Welshmen and Scots. Or Japanese and Scots. Or Scots and other Scots. Damn Scots! They ruined Scotland!

Bum:There's your husband, A.K.A. Mooch-a-lini, drooly McGee, corporal flashback, etcetera, etcetera

Homer:The bob seger boxed set, which really only needed to be one disk, but the box was nice...

Marge:Well, then maybe you need to buy me a brooch

Kirk:The judge said I was the most pathetic person he'd ever seen in court. Pity custody-- boo-yeah!

Repo man · Kirk:You're somebody's father?! Yes, okay. Ooh, boy.

Milhouse:We were having a sleepover, and a robber came and wet my bed. Then he folded the bed back into the couch and disappeared into the night.

Homer:When a woman says nothing's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says everything's wrong, that means everything's wrong. And when a woman says something's not funny, you'd better not laugh your ass off.

Narrator:This is what sitcoms call 'a schmaltzy ending'-- a sentimental capper to leave the audience feeling good. Usually followed by a little coda to cut the treacle.

TV show characters:Granny, I'm gonna shoot me some Vietcong. Yeah, well I ain't cookin' 'em.