Smart And Smarter

Bart:Wait till he puts his unsuspecting butt on that toilet seat!

Bart · Homer:Huh? Where's the Ee-yow? / I didn't have to. I'm a dude.

Bart · Homer:Butt on bowl, little man! (BOTH STRUGGLING) Hey, my pants aren't down! It doesn't matter!

Homer · All:I'm taking you all out for pancakes. / ALL: Yay! Yeah!

Bart · Lisa:It's old lady Simpson! Run!

Homer:They just painted the tower brown. Either way, everyone who works in the kitchen speaks Spanish.

Apu:The fast track begins at birth. That's it! Claw and bite for position! We have only enough tuition money for two. For the rest of you, better luck next life.

Marge:All they should be worried about is the Raspberry Monster! (MARGE BLOWING RASPBERRIES)

Homer:Which one? Tri-City, Omni-Pay, lnsta-Threat? I've beaten 'em all!

Henry:I could go to any Chuck E. Cheese in America and hear what animals say. Do you know what I say? I say, 'Next.'

Child · Henry:You're a poopie! / You nurse with that mouth?

Henry:Maggie, we're not a mime school, so we can't take a non-talker. But here's some good news. The Gap will always need sweater folders.

Homer · Apu:She'll have plenty of money, because she'll marry a grocer... who steals from the till. Would ya let me finish? Jeez!

Maggie:Rice. Why not caviar?

Henry:Pippi Non-talking.

Marge:Einstein didn't speak till he was three. And even then, he could only speak German.

Henry:Fine. I'll give her an lQ test if only to extinguish all hope.

Henry:Well, congratulations. You're now as intelligent as a pig.

Homer:Woo-hoo! I got that one right, too. (LAUGHING ENTHUSIASTICALLY)

Henry:Your baby is brilliant. Why, she could already teach at Florida State.

Philippa:One sixty-seven! That's amazing for a Christian.

Henry:That's right, because 167 is a bigger number than 159. Do you see how that works?

Homer:If we have another one, it could build a time machine, which we could use to go back in time and not have any kids!

Marge · Lisa:Welcome to the others. (SCREAMS)

Homer:I'm slapping this sucker right over 'Support Our Troops.'

Marge:Did the last of something die?

Homer:Katie Couric didn't just become the world's most famous dwarf. She escaped from the circus and went for it!

Lisa:Stuffed cabbage? Can you believe they found a way to make cabbage worse?

Lisa · Martin:Hey, why do they call them 'field trips'? We never go to a field. / Oh, untrue. Last Thursday, we visited a battlefield.

Martin:I'm bem-barrassed for you. The following 'ha-ha' is not from amusement but an expression of contempt. Ha-ha!

Lisa:My new name is Ravencrow Never Smiles.

Milhouse:We'll go to the cemetery and summon the dark lord by kissing and junk.

Lisa:But first, you must apprentice by kissing the goddess lronica, uh, who lives in this rock. Do it for an hour, hour and a half.

Homer:When you're a baby, you spend all day just rolling around on the floor. Boy, I miss that. Ow!

Bart · Lisa · Bart:Yeah? Well, you're gay. / People who accuse others of being gay are often covering up their own latent homosexuality. / Um, uh... (GRUNTS) Bullies rule!

Phonic Frog · Homer:Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Er. That's me. Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Er. / This is Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Er's doctor. He's too sick to work today.

Marge:You are purposely teaching her the wrong word!

Phonic Frog:I agree with your mother. You are a disappointment to Huh-Oh-Muh-Eh-Er.

Lisa:Maggie, you're such a quick learner. Why don't you learn how to fly?

Chief Wiggum · Marge:Oh, I thought you said 80. / But she's only eight. / Oh, I thought you said 80. Well, we'll get right on it.

Chief Wiggum · Marge:'Somewhat satisfied.' I see. Well, maybe I'll just somewhat find your daughter, huh? / Fine. 'Extremely satisfied.' / Looking good, boys. Now, let's go get some smoothies.

Museum visitor:Go ahead and search. You will never find it all. I'm baking muffins as I speak.

Museum guide:Some trees are big. Some trees are small. But all trees have bark. Except for poplar, ash and maple.

Comic Book Guy:Why do you always take the children and not the fondue sets? Why, Santa? Why?

Chief Wiggum:Well, if you drop a feather and a bowling ball in a vacuum, they'll fall at the same rate. (CHUCKLES) You think you've seen it all in this job, and then something like that comes along.

Chief Wiggum · Lou:Like how does a helicopter fly? And what causes thunder? / I say it's angels bowling.

Lou · Chief Wiggum:I see a vase, but Eddie sees two people in profile. / Now, this may shock you, but you're both right.

Homer:I know, we'll use reverse psychology. Maggie, don't press the red button. / Damn it!

Homer:Bart, you were a worthy foe.

Homer:Don't try to be something you're not, namely food.

Philippa · Homer:Your butler let us in. / Play along. I'll explain later.

Philippa:She's as common as an angry woman in an lbsen play. (LAUGHS) Zing!

Henry · Marge:She could be at sweeping up hair. (CHUCKLES) / That's my baby, jerk!

Henry:I felt it, but it was like, 'So what?' / Oh! Again with the nose. I have a chin, you know?