Catch Em If You Can

Kearney · Teacher:Hot sauce? / Kearney, that could blind someone. You get an 'A.'

Teacher · Otto:Not otto-- he'd drive us off a cliff. / Off a cliff? That would solve everything!

Bart:You've betrayed me for the last time.

Otto:horseplay on a school bus? Has the world gone mad?

Bart · Lisa:It's your fault, for giving birth to my archenemy! / At least i was planned.

Marge:stop it! No one was planned!

Homer:They have a zipper from every james bond!

Uncle Tyrone:Why won't I die?

Bart:If you make me get on that plane, I'll give myself diarrhea! I know how!

Grampa · Homer:I'm only rotting on the right side. / I'll right-side you!

Homer:brideshead's gonna get revisited tonight, baby!

Homer:I say you don't exist!

Comic Book Guy:It's about a harvard chick that puts out for a guy... and then croaks. And it saved paramount studios for Charlie Bluhdorn.

Bart:A chick flick?! Oh, say it ain't so, ho!

Bart · Homer:Like what? They'll do something with you that they hate? / Exactly.

Homer:I say bury her, before she starts to smell.

Lisa:She's wooden and unpleasant, and no matter what he does, he's still ryan o'neal.

Homer:Yeah, we're tryin' to create a mood here, so shut the hell up!

Homer:Well, I wouldn't be happy.

Lisa · Bart · Lisa:It's called wicca, and it's empowering! / Wicca's a hollywood fad! / That's kabala, jerk!

Homer:You know I'm usually good for a triple-x throwdown

Homer:You're never alone in this crapshack!

Homer · Marge:what kind of an airline routes all their flights through Nome, Alaska? / It's their hub.

Homer:not me, I do crunches.

Airport Announcer:Attention miami passengers, suntan airlines is now boarding rows 'piña colada' through 'daiquiri.'

Homer:As the bible says: 'Screw that!'

Gate Agent:Go ahead, what do I care? I'm getting laid off tomorrow.

Pilot:you guys are such party animals, we're gonna skip the safety check and just take off!

Flight Attendant · Homer:A steak, or two steaks? / Can I have both? / Of course.

Marge:I feel like I'm princess grace and princess di smashed together.

Homer · Marge:Did you know indonesia is at a crossroads? / No! / It is!

Lisa:they might not be dead. They could be in the basement.

Grampa:how can I be a parent? I break my teeth on ribbon candy.

Marge:It's really boring. You kids would have hated it.

Lisa · Marge:hey, do I hear a back rub? / No, no, that's the noise the phone makes when you've been on too long.

Hotel Operator:Swelldorado hotel miami beach, 'sun and water without your son and daughter.'

Grampa:I can't go to miami. I'm expecting calls from telemarketers!

Grampa:All right, ladies, get ready to settle.

Homer:And tonight, we'll finally, and romantically, hump.

Newlywed couple:can't wait.

Young Woman:with the new breast pumps and diaper genies and corporate flex-time, child-rearing ought to be a snap.

Marge:you keep thinking that.

Homer:Everything happens to eemore.

Elderly Woman 1 · Elderly Woman 2:No scar. He must be on his first heart. / I wouldn't kick him out of bed for dying.

Grampa:you know those feet sticking out from under the house in the wizard of oz? You're looking at them.

Grampa:not the kind of congress that contained paul tsongas...

Lisa:I'm going into the gold medallion club, with silver-level membership.

Lisa:and homer's getting the low-fat meal.

Elderly Woman:You're more boring than my husband, and he's dead.

Raoul · Grampa:may I place my hand on your shoulder as a sign of friendship? / Why not?

Homer:Like people in new jersey have never seen a fat man making out. It's on the freakin' state flag.

Raoul:I am not as interested in women as my open shirt might suggest. To be frank, they disgust me.

Raoul:I am not as interested in women as my open shirt might suggest. To be frank, they disgust me.

Grampa:For many years, I was a tater farmer, but the shameful truth is, the taters farmed me.

Raoul:Your neck skin dances when you speak.

Lisa · Bart:This whole family is built on a tissue of lies and romance! / Yeah, it's a tissue, covered in blood and boogers!

Homer:all I wanted was a second honeymoon, and now the floor is made of lava.

Bart · Lisa:Hey, I just zinged you. / I know. My new thing is to ignore you.

Homer:Kids don't beat me, I beat kids.

Homer:Because I was saving that for my birthday.

Marge · Homer:You've been to space! / And yet, I've never been to me.

American Agent · Canadian Agent:back off, canadians. We got them. / You back off, hosers. They're in canadian waters, eh! / Beat it, you puck-slapping maple-suckers! / Take a hike, you shatner-stealing mexico-touchers!

Homer:I bet it always works up there.

Homer:More alive than any of you squares!

Homer:More alive than any of you squares!