Goo Goo Gai Pan

DMV Employee:You drove in with three people on your grill.

Patty/Selma:At least I'm out doing things.

Patty/Selma:This car is cooler than Guy Lombardo.

DMV Employee:Good heavens, she's some sort of female madman!

Patty/Selma:Stop that, you want-wit! I might get stung by a bumbled-bee.

Patty/Selma · DMV Employee:Car! - Car what? Car is the subject, but I don't know the verb.

Patty/Selma:Those are my lungs!

Homer:Son, menopause is when the stork that brings babies gets shot by drunken hunters.

Robert Wagner (video):What do you know. She's out of eggs, and if you're watching this, so are you.

Robert Wagner (video):So let's all give menopause a round of men-applause!

Robert Wagner (video):'Men-applause'? I'm not saying that.

Selma:I didn't want to get pregnant and lose my looks.

Selma:All he can do is eat me when I'm dead.

Selma · Homer:I'm not dead, idiot. I know. That was for the other patients.

Patty:This is one problem damaged food can't solve.

Patty:Wow, you really are down.

Adoption Worker:That foot's not dead. It's just asleep.

Prospective Father:From now on, we're a Skoal family.

Cletus:What she said was, she's tired of having rabies.

Cletus:Give me back my belly fruit!

Cletus:Give me back my belly fruit!

Homer:Great, another job lost to a foreigner.

Chinese Official:No 'hen without cock.'

Chinese Official:I apologize if that is a double-entendre in your language. It is not in ours.

Homer:Oh, I just felt a chill go through my very soul.

Marge:Yeah, those Sloppy Joes will do that.

Homer:And how about me getting off work by saying I'm teaching math skills to inner city youths?

Marge:Yes, there are many kinds of heroes.

Dream Dragon:Oh, you are a very greedy man. The other dragons shall hear of this.

Homer:Hey, dragon! You fly like a girl!

Homer:You name it, oh, wise mountain ape.

Dream Dragon:The man who broke a dragon's heart...

Homer:But, Marge, I don't want her to be happy!

Marge · Homer:Okay, don't do it for her. Deal! - Do it for me.

Homer:'Cause your sweet love is the one thing that saved my life from being an unmitigated disaster.

Homer:Ha-ha! Now we're even!

Pilot:It makes the Lincoln Memorial look like crap.

Homer:And this is Marge, our surprisingly hot nanny.

Homer · Marge:Don't mention it, Miss... October.

Homer:But don't look at her passport-- it's different.

Homer:You can wave your arms at them and make funny faces, and they just have to stand there and take it.

Marge:Homer, no, stop; you're thinking of Buckingham Palace!

Homer:He's like a little angel that killed 50 million people.

Homer:With these pogo sticks, we'll finally make it over.

Chinese Acrobat:Can't make it Monday. My kid has a thing.

Homer:I'm a Chinese acrobat!

Madame Wu:Well, Tibet was considered 'pretty independent.' How'd that work out?

Madam Wu:Such loving discipline. Maybe someday, someone will love you too, childless servant.

Chinese Citizen:Why doesn't Pearl Jam ever come here?!

Homer:Then why am I seeing rudimentary free markets?

Chinese Doctor:No, a porcupine snuck in while you were asleep. Go on, shoo! Come back in year of porcupine. Which is never!

Selma:Without him, I wouldn't have you.

Selma:How'd you like a little time with 'Miss October'?

Madame Wu:Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on Wu!

Homer:Wow, the fortune cookies here really are more accurate.

Lisa:Just think about the day you found that Junior Mint in your belly button.

Chinese Guard:Feng shui? I thought that was just a trick to sell crappy end tables to the West.

Chinese Official:Feng shui? I thought that was just a trick to sell crappy end tables to the West.

Chinese Guard:Let's cut him in chunks and worship the chunks.

Homer:Plus, we get free apple, orange and grapefruit juice.

Wang Pu:This is Wang Pu's time to shine.

Madame Wu:The Heimlich maneuver was invented the very next day.

Homer:As a spoiled American teenager.

Chinese Bart:Feast on my shorts, stupid father man.

Chinese Dragon Singers:American jerks are going home

Chinese Dragon Singers:When we wake, the world will end.