The Seven Beer Snitch

Marge:They have a store that just sells shoes. I feel like I'm in Paris!

Homer:All plays suck, all the time, and always will, and everyone knows it!

Homer:We'll go see a play... that Lisa doesn't want to see.

Narrator/Sign:the Three Dollar Bills in Gay, Gay, Gay!

Shelbyville Singer:We're home to Christian, Muslim and Jew / Although not many of the last two.

Shelbyville Singer:There's a girl for every guy / Birthplace of the button fly

Shelbyville Residents:The only thing lower than our humidity are the greens fees on our public golf course. Which one? - All three!

Springfield Billy · Shelbyville Resident:I came here for the legalized gambling. But Springfield Billy, we don't have legalized gambling here. Sure you do. I saw a bumper sticker that said 'Free Tibet.'

Springfield Residents:They're saying Springfielders are stupid hicks. It's like lookin' in a mirror. What's a mirror? It's a big city word for reversifyin' glass.

Cultural Board Member:This is the worst crisis the Springfield Cultural Activities Board has ever faced.

Cultural Board · Newspaper Headline:show them we're more than just a town that's still afraid of eclipses. God steals sun : Mayor offers sacrifices

Criminal Board Member:Hey, how 'bout we open a fancy restaurant, and when people check their hats and coats, we steal 'em?

Board Member · Snake:Why do you come to these meetings? Free water.

Marge:Think, Marge, think. Culture... vulture... birds of prey... pray in a church... the Father, Son and Holy Ghost... ghosts are scary... scary rhymes with Gehry!

Cultural Board Member:They're playing Gustav Mahler in abject squalor.

Musicians:Little help? Next time we're keeping it.

Marge in letter:we were the first city in America to abandon the metric system.

Gehry · Lisa:You wrote I was 'the bestest architect in the world'? Well, aren't you?

Mayor Quimby:All in favor of building a $30 million 'screw you' to Shelbyville?

Skateboarder:Yo, Frank Gehry! Like curvi-linear forms much?

Lisa · Homer:Dad, Snowball's not fat. She's just got winter fur. Okay, she's fat.

Snowball:Can't breathe... Someone dangle some string.

Springfieldian:So? We already heard the 'dum dum dum dum.' The rest is just filler.

Audience Member:I thought this was gonna be the soundtrack to the movie Beethoven. Was I sadly mistaken.

Conductor:The next piece is an atonal medley by Philip Glass.

Mayor Quimby · Citizens:We change the name of the town to escape our creditors. Lima, Peru! Gotham City! Wiggumville! Burger King!

Homer:Make it seven!

Homer:Cool, but I'll never pass with this. I better switch samples.

Burns:I haven't seen so many drugs in a wang since I ran a Chinese opium den!

Burns:Crack, smack, uppers, downers, outters, inners, horse tranquilizers, cow paralyzers, blue bombers, green goofers, yellow submarines, LSD Mach 3

Homer:Well, there must have been a mistake. My body is a temple.

Burns:Guards, remove this coked-out man-balloon from my sight!

Homer:But he misread my pee! He misread my pee!

Bart:I'd rather follow the dog. I think he's up to something.

Lisa:This is worse than when we thought Mom was having an affair. Turned out she was just going to the library to cry.

Burns · Chief Wiggum:We need more convicts in the dungeonarium. Dungeonarium. That's catchy.

Chief Wiggum:It's unlawful for a man to be hatless during daylight hours.

Chief Wiggum:Five kicks of the same can shall be considered illegally transporting litter.

Chief Wiggum:We're puttin' you away, Kicky Mantle.

Chief Wiggum:And give that can the whole CSI treatment. You know, lab tests, weird lights, shots from the can's point of view.

Chief Wiggum:Lots of flash and no meaning.

Prison Guard:I'm sick of you positing an alternate reality!

Prisoner:No Frank Gehry-designed prison can hold me!

Homer:Really? You mean eat cheese, gnaw through electrical cords, things like that?

Homer:Well, I am a sucker for a little hat.

Homer:Well, I would like to survive long enough to see the effects of global warming. I've got an inside tip that it's all a bunch of crap.

Fat Tony:Sometimes I go to movies alone.

Prisoner:G.M.S.: Galactic Mystery Solvers. The only mystery we couldn't solve was how not to grow up.

Tattoo Prisoner:Solitary confinement? But without my weekly canasta, I'll die. It's-it's my raison d'être.

Other Family:And for your information, our walls have a bunch of dead raccoons in them, but we are saving up the money to find them.

Other Family:C'mon, Smokey, do your Smokey shuffle.

Lisa:You toyed with my heart like it was a toy heart.

Fat Tony:we must determine which of our fellow inmates has become the Rodentus Incarcerarium.

Prisoners:I ain't the rat; I'm the pigeon. I thought you was the mole. No, you're thinking of that guy who was the canary. But we can all agree, we work in a business with a very rich lexicon.

Prisoner:Rich lexicon, very rich.

Homer:Sure, they're on top of the world. Then there's a big riot scene. Then... I don't know. I usually doze off.

Homer:What are you dopes looking at? You've never seen bling-bling before?

Bart · Other Family Mother:My baby turtle crawled into your basement window. Oh, you poor boy. What's your turtle's name? Apron Boobs-face?

Other Family Mother · Bart:And what's your name? Shoes... Butt-back?

Homer:Are biographies arranged by author or subject?

Other Family Mother · Bart:You forgot to take some brownies. Thanks, Mother Dexter!

Guards:Something don't feel right. Usually when there's a jailbreak, there's electricity in the air, like the calm before a summer storm. Or, right before a heavyweight fight. Mine's more poetic.

Prisoner:I call the balls of his feet!

Homer:I only did what I had to do to survive... in a style befitting a French monarch.

Kent Brockman:This red glow is the heat from a pack of inmates who are desperately looking for prison snitch, Homer Simpson-- this massive blob over here-- who is attempting to hide in the kitchen

Marge:Oh, you must be Michael's dad!

Prisoner:Tear gas, my one weakness.

Burns:This prison will make Abu Ghraib look like the Four Seasons.

Homer:They feed us horse meat, with traces of jockey meat!

Prison Guard:When I was a boy, I saw my father murdered before my eyes. By me.

Governor:I'm releasing you all to a garbage barge, where you will bare-knuckle-box till one of you emerges as king of your floating hell.

Lisa:No, Dad, you fell asleep in front of the TV, watching The Towering Inferno.