Thank God Its Doomsday

Unknown announcer:I scream, you scream, we all scream for... Haircuts!

Bart · Lisa:But we'd like our hair to look like... people hair.

Marge:But they don't have my templates.

Homer:They're baking fresh Cinnabons... which means they're throwing out the old ones!

Barber · Bart:Which side do you want your part on? Left! Right! Stab! Stab! Stab! You're the boss.

Homer:Bart, you look worse than Aunt Patty in the morning. And there ain't nothin' looks worse than Aunt Patty in the morning.

Bart · Lisa:My bad-boy spikes! My good-girl points!

Principal Skinner:while I return some socks that appeared to be black, but were in reality a very dark blue

Principal Skinner:The best photographs, or 'photos', will be prominently displayed

Homer:I love you, Dumpster-bons.

Bart:Big surprise. The fat guy's eating garbage.

Bart:The Principal's got a shirt wiener!

Principal Skinner:Leave your body, Seymour. Leave your body.

Homer:I'd rather play golf on the holiest day of the week.

Homer:Finally, a character I can relate to. I bet good things happen to him.

Movie character:Science has shown religion is just an old wives' tale.

Movie character:Where did my Christian limo driver go?

Movie character:My pious husband is missing! The baby I chose to have baptized is gone!

Movie character:I thought all religions were a path to God. I was wrong!

Movie character:Why did I choose to be gay?

Homer:This movie will haunt me for the rest of my life, just like Cannonball Run II.

Marge:He'd send us signs, like, I don't know, all the dogs getting on a spaceship and leaving.

Homer:Yeah, I'll bet the cats would be psyched about that.

Homer:Now how about a little 'rapture' for Mama?

Marge · Homer:I could be the Rachel to your Jacob. Okay, but it's tough for me not to think about their hardship.

Chief Wiggum:Blood is raining from the sky!

Captain McCallister:This ain't personal. I just love to scrimshaw.

Store clerk · Homer:And would you like to take advantage of our 'Friends of Flanders' discount? No, thank you.

Marge · Bart:So, you still think I'm crazy for saving all your hair trimmings? No, ma'am.

Marge:Let's get the rest of this hair back in the freezer.

Homer:Word books!

Homer:The Book of Revelations has 404 verses... Add the number of people at the Last Supper... minus the number of Filipinos in the Bible...

Homer:A week? That's... Seven days from now!

Homer:The world will end next week! Spend your children's college fund! Thaw that turkey now!

Kent Brockman:Homer, what turned you from sad drunk to mad monk?

Homer:It's the end of the world! God loves you! He's gonna kill you!

Kent Brockman:Any other cuckoo yip-yap?

Homer:Just before the Rapture, 'the stars will fall to the Earth.' So all you hippies out there might want to... for that one.

Kent Brockman:Even a few cabbages are getting in on the fun.

Homer:Marge, in a world gone mad, only a lunatic is truly insane.

Lisa:A hundred years, global warming-- we're goners, but for now, do you think you could lighten up on this 'left below' stuff?

Krusty:I thought we were getting Charlie's Angels.

Celebrity:I don't wanna die next to Kathy Griffin!

Krusty:To all the fans of Los Lobos, mucho, mucho condolences.

Moe:I've done stuff I ain't proud of, and the stuff I am proud of is disgusting.

Barney:Lie naked on our roof? Cause that girl's school says I can't do that no more.

Homer:No, Flanders. It's... a meeting of gay witches for abortion. You wouldn't be interested.

Homer · Chief Wiggum:Chief Wiggum, wanna be my buddy? What's wrong with Carl?

Chief Wiggum:Trouble in paradise?

Homer:But sweetheart, I have something they didn't have-- a good feeling about this.

Crowd:99 minutes until we're all saved 99 minutes to go Unless it turns out that you're not devout Then you're gonna be left down below

Moe:I'm gonna steal God's secrets and sell 'em to Satan!

Homer · Lisa:Lisa, you still believe in me, don't you? Dad, if you'll recall, I never believed in you, not for one second.

Homer:That's my girl.

Nelson:Hey, Nostra-dumbass, did the Rapture come? I can't recall. In fact I can recall, and it didn't, and you suck.

Moe:You said the end was comin', so I sold the bar to some Japanese businessmen and gave the money to charity. Now them orphans got new skip ropes, and I end every day smelling like eel.

Moe:Cats are all over me.

Homer:12 Apostles! But Jesus was at the last supper, too! This changes everything.

Homer:No, make sandwiches! And some Kettle Chips would be nice! Original, not barbecue!

Marge:You couldn't predict 6:00 at 5:30!

Homer:I went to Lisa's school play, which had serious pacing problems.

Homer:So beautiful with your many rings.

God:Look, just don't use leprechaun labor. Okay? Don't do it.

God:Okay, just for that, your room's next to the kiddie pool, all right, Mr. Smarty-Head Exploder?

God:My Son went down to Earth once. I don't know what you people did to Him, but He hasn't been the same since.

Homer:Buddy, You just made Yourself a powerful enemy.

Homer:Screw you, Dino! You squandered your gift!

Dean Martin:I made 68 albums.

Homer:Superman did it.

God · Homer:You want me to help you with your alcoholism? No, I'm in a good place with that.

Homer:It was all just a dream. What are these wings? It's just a seagull stuck in my back.

Homer:This is heaven. Hallelujah!