The Father The Son And The Holy Guest St

Student:Medieval? Like Lord of the Rings?

Martin:I shall pattern my reign on Enguerrand VII, Sire de Coucy!

Nelson · Teacher:Tralloo Trallay! Not so fast, Nelson. You're one of King Martin's guards.

Nelson:You'll pay for this...! ...my liege.

Teacher · Bart:Bart, you'll be playing the village cooper. What kind of a knight is that? It's the kind of knight that makes barrels and isn't a knight.

Bart:Ay, caramba. Well, this stinks. But I bet Lisa got something even stupider.

Students:All hail the queen!

Lisa · Teacher:The ones made from potatoes? The very same.

Student:My coat of arms is a Spider-Man couchant on a field vert.

Nelson:You mean like you? Now, what's 'vert' mean? Say it means punching.

Willie:My face! What drunken call girl will have me now?

Teacher:Now, peasants, since the Middle Ages had no compact discs or Super Mario Men,

Willie:Wait! Let me take out my contact lenses! Pelt all you want, but revenge will be Willie's.

Willie:That was a stapler!

Student:Dragon in the dungeon Maiden in my lair / There's potions in my wizard's pot / Now drink it if you dare. Lute solo!

Lisa · Guards:Where is the tower? It's the back seat of my Merkur. There's 37 cents in the coin caddy and stay out of my diary!

Willie:Soon we'll have revenge on those who mocked me. Also on those who were kind to me. And on the parents who took time from their busy schedules to make today such a success.

Willie:I hate them all!

Willie:Scurry, me beasties... nibble and gnaw at their overstuffed buttocks!

Student:Milhouse!, don't open your mouth!

Bart:Unlike all the other stuff I told you I didn't do, which I did.

Homer:Well, don't expect to spend all week lying around on the couch like a bum, 'cause that's my thing!

Marge:Now we have to find another school for you. And if you get kicked out of that one, you're going straight in the Army, where you'll be sent straight to America's latest military quagmire.

Homer:Anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo Bananas in charge.

Homer:Think of the leg up you'd have!

Homer:If we want to throw good money after bad, why don't we just get Grandpa that new pacemaker?

Grandpa · Homer:I need two AA batteries. Now! Get 'em from the smoke detector. What if there's a fire? The smoke will wake us up.

Homer:There, you don't just get bad grades-- you go to hell!

Grandpa:My pacemaker!

Homer:Classic Grandpa.

Bart:Ay caramba, do the Bartman, etcetera, etcetera.

Nun · Bart:Thanks for the history lesson, sis. These days we use a yardstick!

Bart · Nun:A yard's 36! Now you tell me.

Bart:Well, I guess they'd help me hold the dictionaries up.

Bart:I'm the real Jesus here!

Father Sean:Sean, you wanker... he says... repent of your wicked ways, or sod off. Then he gobbed in my face and turned back into a streetlight.

Bart:Stealing pairs of what? Hubcaps? Reeboks? Human eyes?

Nun:Billy and Joseph start their penance at the same time. If each swear word brings a thousand years in Hell...

St. Sebastian:I wish I'd gone to more orgies!

Homer:With all the sitting and standing and kneeling, it's like Simon Says without a winner!

Homer:No meat?! What do they eat, light bulbs?

Bart · Homer:That's Latin, Dad. The language of Plutarch. Mickey Mouse's dog? No, Plutarch. He chronicled the lives of the Roman emperors.

Homer:I didn't need that new fact! Now I forgot who won Bud Bowl VIII.

Homer:You've transformed breakfast into dinner. It's a miracle!

Homer:I just can't remember what to yell out when you win. Bingo. That's my favorite game. I just can't remember what to yell out when you win.

Homer:I masturbated eight billion times and I have no plans to stop masturbating in the future.

Homer:In your face, Lord!

Homer:Right... and how do I join? Do I whale on some Unitarians?

Marge:And you look like you've accepted someone as your personal something.

Marge · Homer:Well, I'm not having another 12 kids. Marge, no one is saying 12. Nine, ten, tops.

Ned:Under the weather? Or under the spell of a man in a pointy white hat?

Reverend Lovejoy:The Romans have been separate from us since the Schism of Lourdes in 1573. And that was about our holy right to come to church with wet hair.

Protestant Heaven residents · Marge:Sorry, Marge. They're just not our sort. Well, then, I'd like to speak with Jesus. I'm afraid he's gone native.

Parishioners:Her husband's sleeping with her sister. Who said that?!

Bart:He cheated. He's got it written on his arm!

Bart:Sorry, Mom, but this is a Catholic church. Chicks don't have any authority here.

Marge:Back off, Popey LePew!

Bart:I thought there was a monster in the potty.

Jewish Bart:Don't have a cow, man / Have a piece of fish, oy!

Reverend Lovejoy:the Western branch of American Reform Presbylutheranism.

Homer:We've got Boston, South America, the good part of Ireland, and we're making serious inroads in Mozambique, baby!

Marge:How do you like those croutons!

Homer:Well, I guess lots of kids have imaginary friends.

Father Sean:Well, except for... you know.

Bart:Mom, a religion isn't cool just because they've glommed on to some crappy rock band from the 1940s.

Lisa:It's all Christianity, people! The little stupid differences are nothing next to the big stupid similarities!

Father Sean:Monogamous gays and stem cells?