Pranksta Rap

Homer:Where's the remote? This is not a drill, people.

Homer · TV:Hmm, the TV changes channels every time the dog barks. We return to Mel Gibson's The Salad of the Christ on Christian Carrot Theater.

Homer:I think he swallowed the remote. Barf for your master.

Homer:Lousy American-made dog.

Marge:Why must I be so voluptuous?

News Anchor:Yo, yo, yo. Here now the nizzews. The top artists in hip-hop are coming to Springfield.

News Anchor:Da Glock Pointaz, Romeo Smoov, Queen Booty Shaykah, M.C. Champagne Millionaire, and Assault Weapons magazine's Man of the Year, Alcatraaaz

Lisa · Bart:Just what we need-- another lame suburban kid who loves rap. So? You like the blues. Yes, but the blues are unpopular.

Lisa · Bart:Rappers stopped saying 'illin'' 12 years ago. I'm keepin' it real. They stopped saying 'keepin' it real' three years ago.

Bart · Homer:Dad, can I go to a rap concert? Tickets are $50. Go to hell. Okay, what if I pay for it myself? Fine, go nuts.

Bart · Homer:I love you, Dad. I love you too, Jerry.

Marge:It encourages punching, boastfulness, and rudeness to hos.

Bart · Marge:Step off, Mom. Rap is the poetry of the streets. Well, you are not going to any concert that promulgates stink talk.

Marge:promulgates stink talk

Homer:You did it on the straight Got your dad's permission But your mom dropped a bomb So I flipped my position Don't argue with Marge, I know what's best The only rap in this crib keeps sandwiches fresh

Bart:Dad, you completely sold me out.

Bart:Well, I paid for this ticket. That makes me an adult. I'm going.

Bart:Every miner '49er and stone-cold conniver Stakes a claim on my tongue to pan my saliva Make the hos drop they clothes like they Lady Godiva

Bart:You can trace my remorse to its supersized source A hungry, hungry hypocrite named Homer, of course My old man's pathetic Damn, is his head thick The gas from his ass is carcinogenic Every day I pray his DNA ain't genetic

50 Cent · Bart:Yo, B, I heard you throw down on stage. Wanna join my world tour? Sorry, Fiddy. I have school tomorrow. You're right-- the more you know, the further you'll go. And that's one to grow on.

50 Cent:Here you go, you little yellow cracker. Now let's go murder our enemies. Peace.

Homer:If that's true, he's gonna be like NWA-- Not Without Ass-welts.

Bart:Well, time to face my punishment like a man. Or... lie my way out of it like a kid.

Marge:'Follow instructions'? He's doomed.

Homer · Marge:This'll be the worst Thanksgiving dinner ever. Thanksgiving's not for months. The bad news keeps on coming.

News Reporter:Tragedy climbed a ladder last night As 10 year old Bart Simpson was snatch from his bed. His chocolate-milk dreams cut short by kidnapping themes.

News reporter:Mrs Simpson, is the pain so unbearable you wish your son had never been born?

News Reporter:It's: 'win a hawaïan getaway week on channel 6.' So, mail in those pineapple stickers today. Aloha means 'one entry per person.'

Lou · Chief Wiggum:Chief, seriously. Shouldn't we just plan for the funeral? Hey, I crack cases all the time. Like the case of the symphony conductor who murdered his star cellist. That was an episode of Columbo, Chief.

Lou · Chief Wiggum:They show you who the bad guy is at the beginning of each one. Yeah, but you have to remember.

Milhouse · Bart:Bart. Are the kidnappers after you? Well, some kidnappers might be after me. It's a big world. But in this case, I faked the whole thing.

Bart:Well, some kidnappers might be after me. It's a big world.

Milhouse:In my dad's apartment, the heat is always off. He made a coat out of all my stuffed animals.

Kirk:Shoo. Get out of here. These aren't your soybeans.

Chief Wiggum:Wigum sleeps through riot, Top cop surrenders to backfiring car, Firemen rescue police chief from tree, Commission: Wiggum sucks

Wiggum:Together, they really paint a picture... of failure.

Chief Wiggum:My fat grew over my badge.

Wiggum · Barney Fife:Set? Are you the character or the actor who plays him? Now I must go... Wait a minute, now you're a ghost? Avenge me.

Homer:You can use any section of the paper. Except Metro. It's a big snooze.

Lou · Wiggum:We have a lab? Yeah, it's that room we keep the Christmas decorations in.

Chief Wiggum:Hail falling on a tin roof? No. That's it! Stovetop popcorn. And it sounds like my favorite brand Chintzy-Pop!

Apu:Oh, Chintzy-Pop is the worst legal popcorn. Many of the kernels are baby teeth.

Chief Wiggum:Drop the corn, tightey-whitey!

Chief Wiggum:There's no need for you to defend your captor, Bratty Hearst.

Marge:Taking your tombstone back to the store will be the happiest thing I've ever done.

Lou · Wiggum:You're 'Worried In West Springfield?' Not any more, Chief. Not any more.

Milhouse:Bart, two, three, four! You put my Dad in jail, flip, spin, twirl!

Milhouse:I wasn't scared, I was just peeing.

Wiggum · Lou · Eddie:Boys, even though I've been made Police Commissioner, don't think I've forgotten you. Lou, you're promoted to Chief of Police. Sweet. Eddie, you're promoted to Lou. Nice. Who's gonna be Eddie? We don't need an Eddie.

Chief Wiggum:That kid can't understand where the world goes when you close the drapes.

Woman:Kirk, you are so dangerous and misunderstood! You've kidnapped my heart! I love the way I've heard of you!

Homer:What shirt? I don't see any shirt.

Homer:Burn, truth, burn. Burn, truth, burn.

Skinner:Our school's second most-wanted criminal after the mysterious El Barto?

Chief Wiggum:She'll hunt us down relentlessly like a bloodhound mixed with a student loan officer.

Wiggum:I just printed up 10,000 business cards. How am I going to pass all these out before she catches me?

Chief Wiggum:Wait, before we go, I took the liberty of making these embroidered conspiracy jackets for all of us. Those jackets are beautiful. We must never wear them.

Alcatraaaz:I've got a 200-inch plasma TV. In my shoe closet.

Chief Wiggum:This is hopeless. My gun isn't even loaded.

Chief Wiggum:I guess I'll go back to Baltimore and sell ribbon with my Daddy. Ribbon! Get your ribbon! Great for presents!

Chief Wiggum · Others:Coolee, coolee cool! C'mon, fool! Be coolee, coolee cool!

Skinner · Alcatraaaz:Do you think there's a place in the hip-hop world for a... 40-something elementary school administrator? Hell yes. But I'm already payin' a guy for that.

Skinner:I think they're making fun of me, but my wife is very sick.

Skinner · Alcatraaaz:Do you think there's a place in the hip-hop world for a... 40-something elementary school administrator? Hell yes. But I'm already payin' a guy for that.