Were On The Road To Dohwhere

Bart · Myra:School hasn't even started yet. What can I say? I missed you, Myra.

Bart · Myra:How's things with you and Frank? That bum! He says his divorce will be final next week. So why is she pregnant again?

Skinner:Ah, 1995. A fine year for Camrys. No one would ever guess you spent three months in a lake.

Bart:Ay, caramba!

Bart:Thank you, satan.

Milhouse:I don't mind! Trouble's a form of attention.

Homer:You're usually so stingy and rat-like.

Moe:Well, I sued the rope company and I got a huge settlement... and a new rope!

Barney:You could hang a cow with that thing!

Milhouse:It's like we're in the school's lymphatic system and we're the lymph.

Milhouse:Look we're having pizza tomorrow! I'm gonna eat a lighter breakfast.

Bart:Yeah, it'd be like going to Amsterdam and not taking a walking tour of famous doors.

Teacher:What the F-minus?

Students:Look, a new kid! Get him!

Music Teacher:Our instruments are rusting! We're going a cappella, people!

Willie:I've got two kinds of wet in my pants!

Willie:No water fountain outwits Willie!

Willie:This wood is more buckled than a pilgrim's hat.

Milhouse:Sounds like my parents' custody hearing.

Myra:This used to be a croissandwich. Now, it's a ham and cheese car crash.

Superintendent Chalmers · State Comptroller Atkins:You're in Scottsdale? I'm in Scottsdale! At the Hyatt room 381! Get outta here! I'm in 502!

Chalmers · Atkins:You're in Scottsdale? I'm in Scottsdale! At the Hyatt room 381! Get outta here! I'm in 502! Hey, do you guys have any ice buckets down there? No, we've been using shower caps.

Skinner:They use a proven concept 'tough hate' to turn around foul-mouthed hooligans. Then they send them home, quietly ticking away.

Skinner:Climbing some kind of rope thing. Wearing a backpack. High-fiving the black kid.

Homer:No wires at all. Except this one.

Homer · Bart:What's your system? I don't tell your mother how much I've lost.

Bart:Nobody tells Bart Simpson what to do.

Flight Attendant:Thanks a lot, 33C. Now we all have to go back to Minneapolis, and I'm very tired.

Barney:Dang. Homer ain't coming. And Nelson saw something funny.

Homer:Stupid Bart makes me drive to Oregon, home of unspoiled forests, birthplace of Matt Groening.

Fun Homer:We'll get a monkey drunk and push him down the stairs.

Serious Homer:I'll kill you the way I killed intellectual Homer!

Homer:I'll kill you the way I killed intellectual Homer!

Marge:And every one was Stuart Little.

Homer:I'm 38 years old, driving a crappy car, with a son who doesn't respect me, and I'm one Snickers pie away from losing my foot to diabetes. Mmm... Snickers pie!

Father · Justin:See, Bart? I told you things could be worse. I'm getting a sweatshirt with Shakespeare's face on it.

Justin:Look at me! I use a napkin.

Bart:They were eating melon for breakfast.

Homer:You know, it's legal there for a guy to marry his son.

Homer:But could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon mustache, five o'clock shadow made of bacon bits, and A... bacon body.

Waitress:How 'bout if I just shoved a pig down your throat?

Homer · Waitress:But the bacon man lives in a bacon house! No, he doesn't!

Stavros:What?! No one dashie-dine on Stavros!

Homer · Stavros:Someone's hitting my butt with something! Is frying pan!

Stavros:Leave your ass, Homer. Leave your ass.

Comic Book Guy:which I am already wearing, for only 3.95?

Marge:And that came from Mr. Flanders buying back his own stuff.

Lenny:I'm breaking in a new pair of flip flops, and my thong notch is on fire!

Lenny:Drugs in a bottle. I feel like Elvis Presley.

Moe:It's for... a friend. Who's trapped in the body of another friend.

Lenny:Can't talk now, Homer. I'm too satisfied in every way.

Homer:Shower you with love, because this experience has taught me just how precious you are. I'll kill you! I'll kill your whole family!

Homer:That's the beauty of a shallow grave. You sweet little angel.

Wiggum · Lou:It's a reference to Ma Kettle. A popular movie character from the '40s. If you have to explain it, it's not good, chief.

Homer:Being a father is just a job. Long hours, no pay, and at the end, all you get is someone yelling, 'you screwed me up'!

Homer:Being a father is just a job. Long hours, no pay, and at the end, all you get is someone yelling, 'you screwed me up'!

Camp Director:This is a boy scout uniform that I dolled up.

Bart:Hey, Homer, you wanna eat my shorts?

Homer:I bet this looks cool from overhead, though.

Homer:I'm gonna order a steak dinner and eat it on the toilet!

Homer:I'm gonna order a steak dinner and eat it on the toilet!

Homer:Also, I don't know where Bart is. If you see him, say 'hey.'

Marge:Well, Maggie, I always knew it would some day boil down to just you and me. I'll look for work in the morning.