My Fair Laddy

Ms. Pommelhorst:I'm taking a leave of absence. I will return in the fall as Mr. Pommelhorst, your new shop teacher.

Principal Skinner:We're telling you children now, so you can adjust and not make jokes.

Student:Looks like there'll be some new wood in shop class!

Principal Skinner:Precisely the type of wordplay I seek to discourage.

Student:New wood.

Coach Krupt:Duck or die!

Coach Krupt:Bombardment, deal with it. Bombardment, life's a bitch, son. Bombardment! Walk it off. Bombardment! Bombardment!

Coach Krupt:Bombardment!

Marge:Well, tell your regular bully. He won't like it one bit.

Homer:Marge, I ripped my pants, the only pants that understand my complex heinie.

Homer:Normal wear and tear.

Homer:My ass!

Homer:I paid for 50 laps, and I'm going to take them!

Homer:I'll have to go to every store in the pants district to find another pair like these.

Coach Krupt:You cry like a little girl, Amy. Come on now; those were just baby teeth.

Lisa:'Bombardment! Bombardment! How do you like bombardment?' I'll show him.

Lisa:Why did I put this in here? My saxophone!

Coach Krupt · Milhouse:But my doctor says no more bombardment. Well, here's a second opinion.

Nelson · Coach Krupt:Do your worst; I'm drunk. Well, welcome to A.A.: Always attacking.

Student · Coach Krupt:Bart's got an ice ball. What is your major malfunction, Simpson?

Willie:Me shack, it's ruined! You red rubber home wrecker!

Willie:Don't be tantalizing me with tales of ravines and rusted-out cars. I'll only be getting me heart broke.

Bart · Willie:I got to go. I finished nailing this board. Yeah, you're out of nails.

Willie:I don't need your charity, not as long as I've got a pan over me head.

Lisa:That's not a pan, it's a colander.

Willie:It's a sculpture made of children's lost retainers.

Marge:It's lovely. I like this part in here, the way it, it goes.

Willie:Me grandfather used to get sent down into the mines to make sure it was safe for the canaries.

Willie:That's it.

Willie:To have me shack rebuilt get my rotten teeth all drill't something on underneath me kilt wouldn't it be adequate?

Willie:I'm too far off the ground! Lisa, come up here and help me down!

Commercial narrator:Big blue pants. When you no longer care if you're attractive to women.

Willie:I'll kill ya! I'll kill ya for what ya done to me!

Willie's father:You were born trash, and you'll be lucky if you grow up to be garbage!

Willie's father · Doctor:Would you like to cut the cord? Let him cut it himself, it's time he learned life ain't one big party!

Homer:That's as unlikely as Kearney going around the world in 80 days.

Kearney:Eighty days... ample time to circum navigate the globe, booger breath. You, sir, have a wager!

Dolph:Wrong way, dingus!

Homer:It's called 'headvertising.' It creates brand awareness without relying on traditional media.

Homer:It's not supposed to.

Willie:I'm not very cultured. I don't even have a last name!

Willie:A talking mirror!

Moe:Meanwhile, I been paying for that billboard outside for a year now, and it's not yieldin' nothin'!

Selma:I have the strangest feeling I've met him before.

Patty:And you may meet him again, as your new father!

Willie:If you ask me, the royal shakespeare company's latest season was much ado about nothing.

Lisa:Well, mother, aren't you glad you didn't get more intimate with him?

Groundskeeper replacement:For goodness sakes! How did I get up here?!

Tough customer:What's the 'd' for? Dimwit?

Tough customer:I don't need your charity titters. Now, say hello to my girlfriend, Charity Titters.

Bumblebee Man:Ay! El hombre invisible lleva pantalones azules!

Coach Krupt:These rolls are stale! Bombardment! Bring me some more! Bombardment! And, some iced tea for the lady, please. Bombardment!

Barfly:If I had your voice, I'd talk-sing everything.

Perverted customer:Dessert tray, that's a great gag. Can I use it? I'm taking it anyway!

Willie:Heaven, I'm in heaven...

Willie:I liked it the way it was!