The Seemingly Never Ending Story

Bart:This is a scam. We're on a nature walk!

Homer:Don't worry, Bart. I brought something that'll keep you interested-- a nickel in a water bottle!

Homer · Bart:He'll sleep tonight. Where'd it go?! where'd it go?! It's in the cap.

Tour Guide:Local Anahoopi indians believed this stalactite was the finger of Tsisnajini, their god of pointing down.

Homer:Silly indians. Our god made their god.

Homer:It's so impressive. I'm just gonna get a tiny chip to put on my desk at work.

Homer:Save me, Tsisnajini!

Homer:I'm stuck! And I have to pee. Now I'm just stuck.

Marge · Homer:We'll get that fireman who cut you out of that teacup ride. That was two firemen, a crane and snow white.

Homer:That was two firemen, a crane and snow white.

Homer:I hate to be alone! Except when I'm watching TV, then leave me alone. But right now, don't leave!

Lisa:Hello, Mr. Bighorn sheep! I've read about you. You're shy, and you rarely approach humans.

Lisa:And of course you'd never attack a fellow herbivore!

Mr. Burns:Mad beast! Liberal midget!

Mr. Burns:Good lord! A wooly bully!

Mr. Burns:Enter password. Damn it! I forget! Forgot password? Enter place of birth. Pangaea. Correct.

Mr. Burns:So long, sucker! I mean, don't leave an old man to die.

Mr. Burns:No, he's out getting a spray-on tan. He comes back orange and stains the furniture. The man's a walking creamsicle!

Bart · Lisa:Wait, wait, wait, wait... Now you're telling me Burns's story? Yeah it's like the play within a play in Hamlet.

Lisa:Let's see... it's like when you watch old home movies of you watching TV.

Rich Texan:Who's this dried-up ol' apricot?

Mr. Burns:I make money using my brain, not sticking a pole in the ground and praying for goo.

Rich Texan:You need to get your hands dirty, poindexter! Dip 'em in a little Texas crude!

Rich Texan:Down in Houston, we call that a fort worth shampoo!

Mr. Burns:At my age, that could kill me! How about we settle things with a scavenger hunt?

Rich Texan · Mr. Burns:I'm gonna win me a nucular plant! Dream on, bitch.

Mr. Burns:I'm bald!

Children:It's the boogeyman's grandfather! He's gonna drink our bones!

Moe:Hey, bar-boy, this table's wobbly. Come jam your foot under it.

Moe:Hey, bar-boy, write a play where I meet Henry Ford and captain Kirk.

Moe · Mr. Burns:Hey, bar-boy, dance around like an idiot. Like this! I'm so stupid! I'm a little busy. Can I do it later? Sure! You're gonna be all I'm so stupid! I'm so stupid!

Mr. Burns · Lisa:Treasure?! Moe has a cappuccino machine?!

Lisa:So to contin... ...ue with the sad sto... ...Ry of Moe's treasure.

Moe:She had gossamer hair, limpid eyes and the rack of an angel.

Moe:Me? Well... I, for a living? Well, there's, all kinds of things a fella can do, such as hemming and hawing and, but me, I'm a highly respected... therapist for alcoholics.

Moe · Barney:Barney, how do you keep getting back in? I'm a drunk. I don't know nothing about how I do anything.

Moe:As a result of which, Krabappel was letting me do her.

Bart · Lisa:Lab partners don't treat lab partners like this! Shut up and attract lightning.

Barney · Carl:Don't pigeonhole us. We have other vices. I dress up like a baby.

Moe:Listen, boozebags, I got a good thing going here. If you mess it up, I will out the one of you that is gay.

Moe:And if they're interested in wife-swapping, who am I to say no? Hey, I'm just the new guy.

Snake:I totally have a donation for them. Coins money gold!

Snake:could you be any more pre-columbian?

Moe:You can't donate that gold to the museum today, because, it's closed, so they can clean under the wangs on the statues.

Moe:Love had handed me an awful dilemma. Should I rob this guy or rob him and kill him? I decided to do the right thing.

Snake:And who would suspect me, professor Jailbird?!

Moe:Back in a flash, my sweet little gargoyle!

Moe:But fate likes to play a little game called up yours, Moe.

Bart:That load of crap? No, I was just keeping her busy while Nelson stole microscopes.

Edna:sweet, misunderstood boys, who just need someone to recognize the basic goodness that's trapped inside them and is desperately trying to get out.

Moe:I just sat there playing our song on the jukebox, one gold... coin at a time.

Rich Texan:I'm obsessive-compulsive! One, two, three, four. No nucular plant without a photo. One, two, three, four.

Mr. Burns:Take me, a barren old thistle, and spare this sweet young flower.

Lisa:The sheep was no danger at all. I sacrificed my gorgeous body for nothing. This must be what it's like to have a baby.

Homer:Well, it was very moving, but the thing is, bats are chewing my legs!

Homer:Not long ago, it was my day to take care of the baby, so I was out in the forest, hiding.

Homer:I figured he'd never miss two or three pieces... money which we could use to pay for Bart's operation.

Bart · Homer:I need an operation? That's a story for another day.

Rich Texan:Texas left, which is your 'down.'

Fat Tony:Coolest entrance gets the gold.

Criminal · Jeremy:Is it okay that I brought my son? This is my day with him. Jeremy, there's a boy over there you can play with. Do you like XBox?

Rich Texan:Looks like we got us a mexican standoff.

Lisa · Moe:Moe, will the gold bring back Edna's love? It could. Definitely.

Fat Tony:Lady, I oughta fill you full of... gratitude!

Edna:At this point, all I want's a man with a healthy libido.

Rich Texan:Moe can't catch a break! One, two, three, four. Can't catch a break. One, two, three, four.