Girls Just Want To Have Sums

Lisa:Dad, taking the family to opening night is the nicest thing you've ever done for us. Or will ever do.

Homer · Lisa · Homer:Hey, it says here the book was written by Tom Stoppard. / This isn't a book, it's a play. / Book.

Marge · Lisa:They're coming down the aisles. What if they want to interact with me? Looking through my purse, looking through my purse.... keep walking, monkey. Don't worry, mom, they all passed by.

Performer:...the circle of... knife!

Lisa · Homer:I love the use of streamers as blood. It robs the violence of its power. / I'm drenched in blood!

Bart:Hey, check it out! I'm scratcher or something!

Juliana · Skinner:Well, I remember getting a 'b' or two in math. / Well, of course you did. You are a girl.

Skinner:There, that should put the matter behind us.

Skinner:I don't know why girls are worse. One thing we can all agree on, though, this little lady surely looks pretty tonight. Am I right?

Skinner · Chalmers · Skinner · Chalmers:Don't worry, I have a plan: Pretend I agree with them. / Well, you'd better hurry. Look what they've done to your car. / No, that's how it always looks. / How sad.

Skinner · Protester:What is the source of this 'illusion,' or as I call it, the biggest lie ever told? / You're a worse version of Hitler!

Protester · Skinner:See?! The principal's a tranny. / Am I wearing women's clothes? I didn't notice.

Skinner · Skinner:It's the differences, of which there are none, that make the sameness exceptional. / Just tell me what to say.

Chalmers:Yes, yes, yes, I said 'diarrhea.'

Bart · Willie · Bart:This rocks! No more stupid girl classes, like ballroom dancing. / No, that's still mandatory for everybody. / Willie?

Willie:Now, this is why I got into education.

Bart · Bart:Now I can walk down the hall with 'Bart junior' hanging out. / Isn't that right, Bart junior?

Homer · Homer:Well, do you know what a man invented? Actual paper. / Which goes great with another male invention: the car.

Marge:Why did women invent sleeping on the couch?

Willie · Boy:All right, I'm going to open this cage, but no biting! / You're not the boss of my teeth!

Girl:Cathy Guisewite!

Melanie:How do numbers make you feel? What does a plus sign smell like? Is the number seven odd...or just different?

Melanie:Sounds like you're trying to derail our 'self-esteem engine.'

Lisa · Lisa:He forgot the volume of the carrot nose, one-third base times height. / Math, I have missed you!

Skinner · Willie:I don't have any opinions anymore. All I know is that no one is better than anyone else, And everyone is the best at everything. / Not you. You're the worst! Now get poisonin' those squirrels.

Young Homer · Young Marge:Come on, baby. The only math you need is you plus me equals forever. / Oh, Homey!

Lisa · Homer:Mom, I don't think this will fool anybody. / Hey, who's the rude dude with the attitude?

Marge · Homer:You never take our kids to the movies. / Let's not fight in front of my cool new friend.

Lisa (as Jake) · Student:I'm... Jake. / That's your christian name. What's your surname? / Y...man. Jake Boyman.

Jimbo · Lisa · Jimbo · Jimbo:You have Toilet paper on your shoe. / yeah, I guess I do. I'm going to call you 'Toilet.' / My name isn't Toilet. It's Jake. / Hey, a talking toilet!

Boy:A robot with guns for arms shooting a plane made out of guns that fires guns.

Lisa:Oh, my god, I was wrong! And by being corrected, I learned! And no one cared about my feelings!

Milhouse · Lisa · Milhouse:Lisa? Yeah, we totally had a thing, but I had to break it off. / What the hell are you talking about?! / She got too clingy. Milhouse doesn't do clingy.

Lisa · Nelson · Lisa:Nelson, you're not really angry at me. You're full of rage 'cause your father abandoned you. And because you're poor, so you don't feel like you're good enough. You just want somebody to say 'I love you.' / I love you. / I love you, too, Nelson.

Jimbo:Hey, every joke has a kernel of truth!

Bart · Lisa · Bart · Lisa · Bart:Hey, no one with a choice should ever have to be a girl. / You'd do that for me? That is so sweet. / You're a boy, nothing is sweet. / That hurt. / Sweet.

Dolph:I am looking, and don't start a puke war that you cannot finish.

Homer:Sometimes when I'm with you, I feel like I'm doing it with a dude.

Santa's Little Helper · Homer:At least everyone knows I'm smarter than you. / Ho, how did this happen?

Marge · Homer:At least everyone knows I'm smarter than you. / Ho, how did this happen?

Ralph:Now I've been every ball on the playground!

Lisa · Lisa:Even though you're only eight, your possibilities are infinite. / 27!

Lisa · Ralph · Lisa · Lisa · Ralph:Give me your lunch money. / Okay! / I guess I'm gonna have to get this party started. / Forgive me for this. / Okay!

Lisa:Thank you. Or should I say thank you!

Boy:We've been Yentl'd!

Students · Student:Toilet is Lisa?! / We've been Yentl'd!

Skinner:The only reason Lisa won is because she learned to think like a boy! I turned her into a burping, farting, bullying, math machine!

Ralph:I got hit by boy Lisa and girl Lisa.

Student:Chair fight!

Lisa:Now enjoy your stupid flautist.