Milhouse Of Sand And Fog

Marge · Maggie:Maggie using the Bible inappropriately (presumably as a teething toy or to scratch with)

Marge:What? I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. Something's wrong with Maggie. We need to take her to Dr. Hibbert.

Marge:The Hibberts frequent a more 'boisterous' place of worship.

Homer:Fantastic! The black God rocks!

Dr. Hibbert · Congregation:Say Amen! / Amen! Put this Calamine lotion on Maggie and the spots will heal. / The spots will heal! / The spots will heal!

Congregation Member:Heal my spots, Lord! Praise the Lord! I can walk again! / What? My foot fell asleep.

Same congregation member:What? My foot fell asleep.

Marge:No! No! Here, play with your teddy bear.

Marge:Homer, don't touch her! You haven't had chickenpox. While you have, and you're perfect... I'm just saying it's dangerous to get it as an adult. You could become sterile... Down low.

Homer:Do you always have to get crude like that, Marge? You're capable of so much better than that.

Bart · Homer:Don't worry, Dad, I'm saving one for you. I'll leave it here in the dog's mouth. / No! Bart, that's a very bad storage space!

Moe:What's the confusion? Did you drink some frozen tea with a strange taste?

Ned · Homer:Seriously? You mind if I bring my boys over to get infected? Then we'll have chickenpox in both houses. / Why would you do that? Are you a bad parent?

Homer · TV Announcer:And they pay handsomely for the privilege? / They could. But you'd have to be a real money-grubber to charge friends and neighbors... $15 for your kids to get infected! Now with the Pox-Box.

Kirk:Hi. Luann will pick up Milhouse when the party's over. I'll be reading in the car until then.

Homer:Kirk, come with the parents to the kitchen. We're drinking alcoholic beverages and burying the missing parents.

Homer:I'm not one to make fun of others' diuretic problems... but you should have seen... There he is.

Homer:Ladies and gentlemen, I present the girl with the crusts, the kid with all the spots, Maggie!

Ralph:I already feel like a chicken. I just laid an egg in my pants.

Lou · Chief Wiggum:Chief, don't you think you've had enough? / I'm fine. Look, I can touch my gun with my nose. / Don't worry, I'm chief police. I meant to say... / Why doesn't Lou love me anymore? Why?

Luann · Kirk:Knock knock. / Luann, what are you doing here? I thought you were just dropping off Milhouse. You could go for coffee and come back. / No, stay. I'll go home. Who will let me suck gasoline?

Luann:Perfect! I never drink those without cigarette butts in them.

Krusty:Hi kids! This fat guy only paid for 20 seconds, so listen. Moses got chickenpox and scratched day and night. He asked the rabbi what to do, and he said... Time's up. I'm out.

Krusty:Time's up. I'm outta here.

Marge · Kirk · Luann:Kirk, you look great. Do you work out? / Dogs chase me. / Nobody chases me lately.

Luann:Everyone has hope now.

Comic Book Guy · Unknown:Sweet Lizzie McGuire! / Do you consider this traumatic?

Homer:Mr. Stomach, are you hungry? / I'm always hungry. Finish the pizza, fatty.

Homer:I have to do this for work.

Kirk · Luann:Mr. Van Houten, I like how you kiss me! / Yes, it's fantastic kissing women. / Baby, kiss my mouth. / Hug me like we're in a luxury hotel.

Homer · Marge:But how? / I have no idea. I stayed away from Maggie all day. It's itching incredibly!

Kirk · Milhouse:Son, we want to talk to you about what you saw at the Simpsons'. / I didn't see anything that gives me hope, if that's what you mean.

Luann · Milhouse:Maybe you should raise your hopes a little. / They're already high! They've reached the clouds! Your father and I are going through a trial 'un-divorce.'

Kirk:I want to clarify something. Unlike divorce, this isn't your fault.

Milhouse:I can't believe it, my family might get back together.

Homer:I haven't seen colorful hallucinations in a long time.

Marge:Oat-Homer. Stop eating the oat flakes. That's the third bathtub you've eaten.

Homer:Please? No, I won't come to work today. I have chickenpox. I know I said that last month too, but I was lying. Yes, okay. Yes. Okay. I love you, goodbye.

Homer:They just fired me. Let me look at the want ads. Truck drivers wanted in Iraq. Trucks are like big cars.

Homer:Truck drivers wanted in Iraq. Trucks are like big cars.

Kirk · Luann:The captain and I... / I don't want to know.

Luann · Milhouse:Milly... / Botanical Garden? Bilderberg Club? Rugby field with the Springfield Stans?

Kirk · Milhouse:Son, here's $10. Why don't you go to the bowling alley and throw some lonely balls? But tonight there's Champions League!

Milhouse:This 'un-divorce' sucks. My parents used to compete for my love... and I always came out winning. And the plant got watered along with the royal treatment. Movies, double Christmas, soda with meals... We lived like kings.

Milhouse:Movies, double Christmas, soda with meals... We lived like kings.

Milhouse · Bart:Unforgettable New Year's. / I think we need to break up your parents again.

Milhouse:You know, Bart, my imaginary friend... never makes me do things I think are wrong. That's why he had to leave forever. But I thought you'd let him come back. I'm afraid he'll spend another year searching his mind.

Milhouse:But I thought you'd let him come back. I'm afraid he'll spend another year searching his mind.

Kirk · Milhouse:Your mom said I smell and that I'm crude. / Mom said that? / That's amazing. Usually she kept criticism inside until it destroyed our marriage.

Milhouse · Luann:I don't want to rat out Dad, but he just let me drink a beer! / Looks like we have a problem here. And the problem is you're addicted to lies.

Milhouse:But I'm drunk! I'll prove it to you. Watch me... kiss this photo of Nana. I can't do it. She's so mean to me. She won't let me eat jellybeans!

Milhouse · Bart:Maybe my parents are made for each other, Bart. / You better hope they're not, because you know what comes next? Your worst nightmare: A little sister.

Milhouse:If you don't mind, I want to watch... that 'cool' series about teenagers in California.

Marge · Homer:I'm sure Sterling put that bra there to cause trouble. / Amazing idea! These screenwriters are geniuses! However much they're paid, it's not enough.

Bart:That bra will break up and separate. It will break up your mother's doubts and separate your parents.

Kirk:This isn't mine. / PROPERTY OF MARGE SIMPSON

Luann · Homer:I have a message for your wife. Stop sleeping with my husband! / And you are... / The wife of your wife's lover.

Homer · Luann:That's ridiculous! No woman wants sex with that loser. / And congratulations on taking him back. Good move.

Homer · Kirk:That's Marge's bra. I bought it for her boobs! / Of all the people Marge could cheat with, why did she choose me? I'm devastated.

Marge · Homer:How can you ask me something like that? / I repeat: Did you sleep with Kirk? / Homer, you've lost it! / You're not saying 'no.' / Very well... No! / I still don't hear 'no.' / No! No! No!

Milhouse · Bart · Dr. Wexler:We tried to break up your parents and broke up mine instead. / Want to talk to my psychiatrist about how you feel? / Yes, Dr. Wexler? Stop calling me, I'm on my honeymoon! / Yeah, it's that crazy kid again.

Homer · Lisa:I'd do anything to have your mom back and that donut. / Look, you and Mom can work things out. What exactly happened?

Homer · Bart:Better go. / Where do you live? / You know the 'Four Seasons'? I'm experiencing them firsthand because I live in the park.

Lisa · Bart:I can read you like an open book. / You read books! If you don't tell Mom what you did, I will.

Bart:You'll marry much older men as compensation, while I'll become one of those weirdos who's 35 and goes to high school basketball games.

Bart · Marge:I looked into it and found out I was to blame. / Really? Just for that, I'll delete all the saved games on your PlayStation. / What? How do you know such tricks? / I read it right here.

Bart · Marge:That means you and Dad will get D-I-V-O-R-C-E? / Young man, go study spelling... or I'll delete all the sounds from your phone. / No!

Milhouse:How does this look, Bart? A traditional dance could solve our problems. All I need is your pants size. It's two sizes bigger than your pants. How many times must I tell you? Forget Rodgers and Hammerstein! Rodgers and Hart? No!

Lisa:The stupid TV show plots don't work in real life. Mom and Dad's marriage is solid as a rock... and they need to find the solution through analysis so it doesn't crumble.

Bart:When my parents see this doll... falling off the cliff, they'll think it's me... and realize the most important thing is staying united. Do you like the doll? I even made it smell like you.

Bart · Milhouse:Questions? / Yes, what will you dress as for Halloween? / Giant dog poop. Let's begin.

Milhouse · Bart:I can't tell who's who. / I already started running!

Marge:Homer, I can save you both. Just let go of the rock! Trust me!

Bart · Homer:Mom, Dad, I'd give 3 trillion to fix things between you. / Make it 2 trillion. We'll lose the first trillion in taxes!

Marge · Homer:Can he swim? / What do you think?