Homerazzi

Homer:I don't have to make a wish, because I already have this wonderful family. I wish for infinity hamburgers.

Homer · Bart:Oh, I get it. These are those trick candles you can't blow out. No, Dad, they're the opposite. 'E-Z BLO.' This ends now.

Marge:It's okay, Homie. You're probably just tired from not doing anything all day.

Bart:Dad, you're out of shape even for an American.

Homer:How many did I get? None? That's cool.

Chief Wiggum:You know how many fires are started by birthday candles? If you do, tell me. It would settle a bet down at the station house. I say five, Gus says a million.

Homer:Feels good to tell the truth. No, I'm lying again, it feels bad.

Marge · Lisa:Our kids used to be so cute. Used to?! Oh, deal with it.

Lisa:So I made this elaborate decision tree, which in itself is worthy of preservation.

Lisa:I picked my Malibu Stacy hybrid convertible. It runs on her old make up and out-of-style shoes.

Grandpa Simpson:Where do the kids today get these band names? 'The Kinks?' 'The Stones?' Sounds like my last physical!

Grandpa Simpson:You see all those crazy new electronics? iPod... iTunes... I give up!

Lisa:I don't know-- maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlight, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil, and soon explode.

Homer:What's the deal with this 'California pizza'? If I wanted... cheese and fruit, I'd have to...

Marge:It's like what a resume is for a man.

Bart:Lisa, you fool. You've doomed us all.

Comic Book Guy:Oh, man, I thought I was strong enough to get through this again, but I'm not.

Comic Book Guy:Oh, Captain Janeway! Your mission ended too soon. Too soon.

Homer · Marge:Here I am on the space shuttle, orbiting Earth. It sure was nice of NASA to send you up again.

Marge:Duffman's on a date with Booberella. He's supposed to be in a stable, long-term gay relationship.

Tabloid Editor:Like Lindsay Lohan looking drunk, high and bony. Click, click, career over, see ya in the gutter, freckles!

Homer:Moderately wealthy? Whee! I'm sort of rich! I can rent anything I want!

Krusty:Your head dinged my door panel! Jerks like you ought to be shot!

Homer · Gabbo:How about you, Gabbo? Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi! Okay, how about an autograph for my kids? Well, when you put it that way... Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi yi-yi-yi-yi!

Homer:Imported beer? Seedless grapes? Chewing gum? The clown on this cereal box is just a person.

Bart · Paris Texan:Hey, Paris, I saw a disgusting part of your body on the Internet-- your face! I'm still breaking in this nose!

Betty White · Homer:Hello, Homer. Have you lost weight? Oh, like you care, Betty White. Tell me, how's Maggie? Her name is Marge! I was talking about your baby.

Homer:Your hip-hop CD was boastful and unnecessary.

Drederick Tatum · Homer:What are the first three? Nobility, clergy and commoners. Learn your French history.

Homer · Drederick Tatum:What the hell did you do that for? I wanted to remember my place in the book I was reading.

Homer · Lisa:Boy, I never thought I'd have my own darkroom. Yes, but why does it have to be in my bedroom?

Homer:Kids they always say they're not tired when they're the most tired of all.

Marge · Store Clerk:Sideshow Mel is in a custody battle?! And it's turning bitter? If you read one more thing, it is a purchase.

Homer · Helicopter Pilot:Did I attach the harness?! No! Should attach it for you?! If you don't mind...!

Minister · Homer:Do you, Rainier Luftwaffe Wolfcastle, take Maria Shriver-Kennedy-Quimby... Up, up, and annoy!

Homer:Yes! I also wreck bar mitzvahs!

Homer:First Amendment rules, privacy drools!

Rainier · Krusty:Krusty, your response was the least funny. I'm a visual comedian. Did you get the j-peg? Wouldn't open.

Krusty:How are you gonna help us, Beefaroni?

Rainier:Now please, take some sushi, 'cause if I give it to the dogs, they will think, 'Oh, now I get sushi all the time.' And I am not made of sushi.

Homer:Now, Maggie, I had to use your car seat to hold the new TV Guide... so I'm gonna hang you from the mirror.

Homer:He's trying to make me look like a bad father. Maggie, take the wheel! Ten and two, Einstein!

Tabloid Editor:I have no friends. Friends take time. And time is money, and money pays for things, like a manicure and a boiled egg.

Homer:So long, anti-clotting agent! Clot, clot, clot, clot clot, clot, clot, clot!

Celebrity · Celebrity:With Homer Simpson out of the way, we can go back to our lives of sybaritic excess. Stem cell fajita?

Barney:You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know, one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.

Barney:And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.

Moe:I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but, uh, no dames ever come in this joint.

Women · Moe:Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room? We need to trade bras and panties. Oh, you got to be kidding me!

Customer · Moe:You call this a drink? No, I never called it a drink.

Homer:Let one of us regular guys write a terrible children's book!

Homer · Rainier:Say, Rainier, you're in show business. Would you mind taking a look at this screenplay I wrote? Oh, sorry. I do not read unsolicited manuscripts.

Homer:Well, at least it got made.