24 Minutes

Narrator:Previously on 24... I mean The Simpsons

Background character:Head Hall Monitor Loves Poneis / Hates Phonies

Database:Enhance! Skinner Stinks Dehance! Dehance!

Background:Principal / Mama's Boy

Milhouse:We helped.

Background:ATM User Devoted Father of Two

Skinner:you song-less land whale

Homer:I'll teach you to make a Poupon 'me.'

Lisa:If someone did eat Bart's shorts, they'd have a tummy full of pocket garbage.

Narrator:Or maybe it's a.m. Whichever one is the morning one, it's not that one.

Apu:If a dead fish and a homeless person had a baby, and the baby puked, and a dog ate the puke, this smells like the rear end of that dog!

Jimbo · Dolph:Let's spit in the coffee pots. I call hazelnut.

Groundskeeper Willie:Now this crossword's nothin' but swears.

Milhouse · Lisa:Permission to buy a Hostess fruit pie to keep my strength up? Denied.

Dolph:Hey, lay off. You're the fat one of you guys! I'm bulking up for football!

Kearney:You call that playing to win?

Homer:This is our life now, Milhouse. We're Dumpster folk.

Lisa:He'll be somewhat missed.

Skinner:Lord, give me guidance. That's right, the Guidance Department Detention Room. Thank you, Mrs. Lord.

Marge:Kids love the zing of raisins!

Bart · Skinner:Wow, that's a swear? Used as a noun it is. Sweet!

Jimbo:six weeks of bottled farts

Jimbo · Carol:Put a top on, Mom! Everyone's seen your implants. But the doctor said the air will help them... Just go!

Dolph:Lookin' good, Carol!

Lisa:The teacher gave him a frowny-face.

Jimbo:Scram... boiled eggs would be lovely for breakfast, Mother.

Bart:Damn it, these blue prints are all wrong. Where's the roller coaster room and the shark tank?

Bart:Son of a beach ball, they're gone!

Bart · Jack Bauer · Chloe:Ahmed Adoody. Does anyone there know Ahmed Adoody? Ahmed Adoody, wealthy Saudi financier. Really? No, Jack, it's a joke name.

Marge:20 minutes at 300 degrees is the equivalent of five minutes at... 1,200 degrees.

Marge:Pink frosting fixes everything.

Homer · Milhouse:Say, is your butt numb from all this vibrating? Oh, mine is. Still, I wouldn't describe it as unpleasant.

Milhouse:Oh, sweet mother of Mary!

Willie:Old Betsy'll get us there.

Martin:This is as boring as mainstream cinema.

Martin:This is as boring as mainstream cinema.

Chief Wiggum:What is it about a woman in a Dumpster?

Dolph:They're gonna wish the bake sale was a nose plug sale.

Jimbo:And it totally isn't.

Groundskeeper Willie:I'll mop up your blood from the inside!

Martin · Nelson:Skip, skip, skip to my Lou... Top of the morning, Nelson. And to you, Martin.

Nelson:Can't a guy enjoy a catchy tune?

Bart · Lisa:You're on a Bluetooth cell phone, the most vulnerable device known to man. But it looks so cool.

Bart · Lisa:You're on a Bluetooth cell phone, the most vulnerable device known to man. But it looks so cool.

Unknown parent:Rice Krispie Treats?! Way to phone it in, Sarah Wiggum.

Martin:All here, from Asimov to Zarathustra.

Jimbo:Smell you later. Three minutes later, to be exact.

Marge:Don't worry, it's not too moist.

Homer · Marge:All the other husbands don't come home dirty from fighting. I had to fight. Lenny said his dad is Hulk Hogan, and I know he's not.

Bart:Hey, I'm fine. They haven't made a French horn yet that can hurt me.

Lisa:That's a class-five stench-dispersal unit.

Lisa:There's over 30 years of wiener soakings in there.

Willie:And I just sharpened those blades.

Lisa:As you're dying, jam the blades with your spine.

Homer:With seven cups of coffee still in it. Oh, wait, six.

Bart:Oh, that's convenient.

Willie:I don't want to live if I have to clean up this mess.

Marge:Oh, I'm just glad you taste like hot dogs.

Jack Bauer:I pulled every single field agent off all other cases to track you down and bring you to justice.

Jack Bauer:It's okay, that was Shelbyville.