The Haw Hawed Couple

Bart:It's not coffee, it's hot Pepsi.

Marge · Homer:You're the worst husband in the world! / Yeah, well, I wish I'd married Patty and Selma.

Marge:I wish I'd married Lenny and his friend.

Homer · Marge:Recording that fake fight was a great idea. Now the kids won't bother us during our morning snuggle.

Homer:Dear Lord, thank you for the physical intimacy we are about to enjoy. And as always, have fun watching.

Milhouse:Trust me, Bart. It's better to walk in on both your parents than on just one of 'em.

Milhouse:But what will I eat at midday?

Nelson:I can't solve all your problems. Just hand over the money.

Nelson:Thanks, wads, and I hope to see you both Saturday. / Come to my party or die.

Bart:He makes you look his baseball cards and tell him they're good. They're not good.

Martin:Individually, we are weak like a single twig. But as a bundle, we form a mighty faggot.

Groundskeeper Willie · Principal Skinner:Hell, no, I won't mow! / Willy, you're fired with complete loss of pension.

Marge:Well, if no one else jumped off the Empire State Building, would you not jump?

Bart:Kind of...

Homer · Lisa · Homer:Lisa, you're never gonna get a husband by being sarcastic. / All right, no husband. / You're getting a husband!

Homer:You think I wouldn't rather be living nude in the forest like some ancient pagan, just dancing around playing the pan flute?!

Bart:Uh-oh, do I hear a dial tone? 'Cause this party is off the hook!

Nelson · Bart · Nelson:Is Highway 88 backed up? / Oh, yeah, it's a parking lot out there. / Of course, that explains everything. Stupid Highway 88!

Spider-Man performer · Nelson:Maybe I should come back a little later. / Don't go. My party peeps are en route, I swear!

Nelson:I ordered them to.

Homer · Nelson:How'd you afford this kickass party? / Carnival ride hit me on the head.

Nelson:Hey! It's my birthday bud!

Nelson:An entire case of pool cue chalk. We can make the tip of anything blue.

Bart:I got a lot on my plate. I've got a big report due on the Nile River - topic sentence, bibliography, page numbers - it's nuts.

Nelson:You made me get water on my cheek.

Jimbo · Dolph:Let's go over to the Sunshine pre-school and wail on toddlers. / Yeah, we'll jump 'em while they're napping.

Homer:But your mother smells like coconut.

Homer:Oh, yeah, this is that fantasy book that even grown-ups like. Broken, lonely grown-ups.

Nelson:I like to come up here and make fun of the sunset. Hey, gas ball, you suck!

Nelson:I mean, a shark can't stop swimming or it'll blow up.

Nelson:The sleeves were torn off by wild dogs.

Marge · Scotty:So, Scotty, how do you like school? / Closed!

Book characters · Homer:You must read ahead. Fiction is your passion! / Lady, you're nice, but I'm married.

Book character:Thanks for the spoiler there, big mouth.

Bart:Because my chest is cold and my arms aren't.

Nelson:I was waiting to smash this frog with you, and it peed in my hand.

Nelson:Look what you made me do!

Nelson's mother:I just hit a major marshmallow vein. I think it goes all the way to the bottom.

Homer:It's not true-- they're brave, 'cause they're strong.

Bart:You're a nut bar, a whack job! A kooka-dooka!

Martin:I've set up a trust. It bypasses the inheritance tax. Only till 2008. Look into it!

Homer:Time to do what I do best. Lie to a child!

Homer as Greystash:Mustache power: activate!

Homer:They went to Star Wars Land and fought star wars.

Bart:I hate milk! It comes from cow wangs!

Other kids:Man lips! Skinner loves Bart! Skinner loves Bart!

Bart · Nelson:You mean...? / Exactly. You're barf to me now.

Homer:Don't say his name. In your mouth, it sounds like dirt!

Homer:No man should outlive his fictional wizard. No man!