All About Lisa

Narrator:There are more stars here tonight than you can see in the sky, thanks to light pollution.

Narrator:Here comes the magnificently-mammaried, mistress of midnight movie mayhem, Booberella.

Gabbo:Get a job, parasites.

Narrator:An award so prestigious, that it recently won the 'Award of the Year' award at the 2007 Awardy Awards.

Narrator:Nor him. Nor ham.

Drew Carey:I remember watching him as a kid, and I thought, 'I could do that, and I'm a kid.'

Drew Carey:but to find out what, you've gotta test his pee. Pee! Seriously, test his pee. He's a danger to the community.

Drew Carey:And now I give you a man whose act will never grow old, because it started out that way:

Krusty:I never thought I'd make it past 400 episodes, what with the drinking and the smoking and the fact that I'm just not that good.

Krusty:Hey! Quit steppin' on my solo, ya creepy little show monkeys!

Former Krusketeer:You owe me money, Krusty. I did time for you, clown. Hard time.

Krusty:That's right. All except the successful ones.

Krusty:As long you're willing to sign a 20 year personal services contract where I get 99% of all your earnings.

Lisa:For a second there, he hoped I got it.

Krusty:Sorry I'm four hours late.

Bart:For my first impression... I'm a lantern fish.

Bart:Now I'm a jack-o'-lantern. E.T. B.E.T.

Homer:My son's a good-for-somethin'!

Krusty:You kids were all terrific. I wish I could make each of you a Krusketeer, but we only have enough money for one. Plus, I don't really want to.

Wilbur Mudd:Here's Mudd in your eye.

Lisa:Did you know the Discovery Channel doesn't have a single paid employee?

Krusty:To make Bart a Krusketeer? Hell, no. To make you my new intern.

Krusty:Now go get me my dry-cleaning, which is my code word for scotch. And get me a scotch, which is my code word for my bookie. Also, go get my dry-cleaning.

Krusty:I wish I was paying you, so I could dock your salary.

Narrator:Over the years, show business has been home to scoundrels and saints, thespians and harlequins, Abbots and Costelli.

Krusty:Oh, and go to my joke file and make all the 'Sophia Lorens' into 'Lindsay Lohans.'

Krusty:What am I, Al Gore? Just do it.

Assistant:Yeah, well, my mom says you're a selfish lover.

Krusty:I know what I want and I get it.

Sideshow Mel:Never meet his gaze. And if he mentions Mitzi Gaynor, and he will, for God's sake act like you know who she is.

Krusty:I was gonna say 'cheap Korean animation,' but sure.

Bart:Krusty klovnen baby visker!

Homer:But you just bought yourself 'ear piercing' and 'strange new feelings.'

Comic Book Guy · Bart:Are you interested in coin collecting? Am I?! No.

Comic Book Guy:I will start you off with this bicentennial quarter and I will throw in my man scrunchie.

Krusty:I'm gonna call you 'The Goy Wonder.' Because I don't remember your name.

Bart · Homer:This hobby sucks. Son, all hobbies suck. But if you keep at it, you might find at the end that you've managed to kill some precious time.

Homer:The one on the left looks into it, but the one on the right is just experimenting.

Lisa:Long John Seltzer!

Krusty · Ron:Which clown? Chuckles? Professor Nitwit? No, you! No Yu, the Chinese Clown?

Krusty:I can be eight! La, la, la, la. I'm eight years old.

Unknown Character:Quick, switch from internal monologue to external dialogue!

Krusty:This is the lowest I've ever sunk and I once made out with a blow-up doll

Krusty:Sorry you broke up with me now Cindy?

Homer:This is a classic 1978 Pizza Hut! Mmm... terrible.

Mr. Burns:But I feel strangely empty. Ooh, there's another coin. That should do it.

Auctioneer:Sir, the promise of cash is not an enticement.

Mr. Burns:Yes, but the problem is, if you had it, I wouldn't.

Mr. Burns:I only gave him four cents for that nickel.

Sideshow Mel:Applause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your e-mail.

Krusty:This just in: I don't give a crap.

Krusty:She crashed her car in to mine and said, 'Look, honey, we have a hybrid.'