Midnight Towboy

Krusty doll/toy:Don't let the bedbugs bite! Krusty's Anti-Bedbug Spray sold separately. May contain poison.

Maggie:Maggie singing 'Shout!' to stay awake instead of going to sleep

Homer · Marge:My, you've grown. [Homer realizes he's holding adult Marge instead of baby Maggie]

Homer:Wha...?! Spilled milk? All over the floor.

Apu:There's a rumor you can mix milk, Mentos and Lotto scrapings to make jetpack fuel. Does it work? Kinda.

Moe:It's either milk or paint. It's paint. Or is it? Yeah, it's paint.

Moe:Well, then I'll have to charge you extra, depending on the color. Eggshell? No. Malabar ivory? No. Mediterranean ecru? No. Ah! Here it is...white.

Bart · Lisa:The blue ones are ads. That's the toolbar. Now you've opened Word; close it. Don't save it. Stop clicking. Don't go there! Why are you buying a freezer?

Marge:Oh, I don't want to bother the Internet with my problem.

Marge:Creative Responses for Infant Edu-loving! The counselors can come day and night because they have no families themselves.

Bart · Marge:You just bought another freezer. Well, maybe I wanted another freezer!

Louie · Homer:At first I thought you were pointing to your crouch. You thought, huh? Yo, everybody! Get a load of 'Beautiful Mind' over here, with the thinkin'.

Louie:This don't mean nothing. [Louie being affectionate with his truck]

Homer · Louie:I'm your boss! I'm sick of you! You're fired! No, you dumb Dominick. I'm my own boss.

Louie:She-atas, Hebrew canoes, spam cans, Swedish speedballs, and of course, stretch lame-os.

Homer:Wow, you make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it! Just like God.

Louie:Flatbed Fred got killed in that murder-murder-murder-suicide.

Louie:Man, you work as a silhouette model for one day and it haunts you for the rest of your life.

Louie:If I catch you on my turf, I'll rip off your head, vomit down your neck, pull out your heart, show it to your head, then shove 'em both down your neck hole, to which I previously alluded.

Louie:'...which I previously alluded...' Are there two 'L's' in 'alluded'?

Louie:Oh hello-o! Hello! Hello, Captain Hook!

Homer · Disabled Parker:Really? What's your handicap? Pogonophobia--fear of beards and mustaches.

Pogonophobia man:Stay back! All of ya! [Fear reaction to beards]

CRIE counselor:Marge, your code pendent hyper-nurturing has infantilized your baby. You've made her queen of her 'clingdom.'

CRIE counselor:Allow me to demonstri-care. Actualize!

CRIE counselor:She's not crying, She's celebrating her independence. Don't crash that party.

CRIE counselor:hugs are drugs, and your daughter's an addict.

CRIE counselor:Now her childhood can begin-ualize.

Marge · CRIE counselor:I've never done anything like that before. Yeah, well, I'm glad your first time was such a success.

Homer:I've got tow dough I'm looking to blow, Moe.

Moe:Four 'Lobster-politans' comin' up.

Homer · Barney:That's a one-hour parking zone, and you've been here a good 81 minutes. Correction: a great 81 minutes.

Barney · Carl:Huh, good joke, Homer. You can unhook my car now. Uh, looks like he's driving away with it.

Homer:Marge, when you're married to a midnight towboy, you might not see him for days on end.

Homer:Marge, when you're married to a midnight towboy, you might not see him for days on end.

Homer:Hey, when you married a man who would, years later, without warning, become a tow truck driver, you knew what the deal would eventually be.

Principal Skinner:You can't impound my spirit.

Groundskeeper Willie · Homer:Top of the mornin', Tow-mer. It's Homer, idiot. So it is.

Homer:I guess I'm more powerful than God now.

Homer:You know what they say: 'With great power comes great responsibility.' Who said that?! I'll kill them with my power.

Homer:You know what they say: 'With great power comes great responsibility.' Who said that?! I'll kill them with my power.

Comic Book Guy · Others:Take that, you tow-talitarian. Doesn't that joke make light of totalitarians? Stalin put my grandmother in a forced labor camp for 20 years.

Mayor Quimby · Comic Book Guy:Take that, you tow-talitarian. Doesn't that joke make light of totalitarians? Stalin put my grandmother in a forced labor camp for 20 years.

Mayor Quimby:Look, I was insensitive, and I'm sorry. But what this is really about is a bully with a winch.

Mayor Quimby:If I'd wanted the laws of this town enforced to the letter, I wouldn't have hired fatty here as police chief.

Chief Wiggum:Hear that, Ralphie? The mayor knows daddy.

Louie:Theater tickets, huh? Now ya got nothin'.

Marge:At least you need me, sack of potatoes.

Homer:multiple tickets, handicapped spot, parked by a hydrant, incomprehensible vanity plate. If my life as a tow truck driver were a teleplay, this would be the end of act two.

Homer:Okay, I made a mistake. Why don't you give me two demerit points in a point system we work out right now?

Homer:Oh, a trap door. What's down there? Your Meatball collection?

Imprisoned tow drivers:We're just like you. Tow truck drivers who got greedy. Actually, we're an a cappella group and we're gonna sing 'Under the BoardWalk.' The truth is, we're just waiting for each others' hair to grow so we can braid it.

Carl · Lenny:It sure is great not having Homer around to tell us where we can or can't park. Yeah, without the crushing rule of law, society will do a better job of regulating itself.

Multiple drivers:[Visual chaos of cars colliding and parking disasters]

Homer:Ask no questions. And do not call the police, or I will kill me.

Sea Captain:Avast, ye sky whale!

Imprisoned tow driver:Once upon a time, there was a hilarious ogre named Shrek Three. He lived in medieval times, but sometimes he'd say things from today times...

Bart · Lisa:We can say these swears any time we want because they're in the Bible! I don't think 'Leviticus' is a swear. Shut the hell up, you damn ass whore.

Bart · Lisa:We can say these swears any time we want because they're in the Bible! I don't think 'Leviticus' is a swear. Shut the hell up, you damn ass whore.

Bart:Well, I know he seems to get dumber every year, but lately he's plateaued.

Imprisoned tow driver:And if elected president of our small community, I will determine once and for all how far we can go without being gay.

Homer:And to pay you back, I'm returning your nose. Here's your nose. Daddy's putting back your nose. That's your--Oh, wait. That's Lisa's nose.

CRIE counselor · Marge:Are you sure? Hugs are dr... [Marge cuts off CRIE counselor mid-sentence to hug Maggie]