Little Orphan Millie

Homer:There is no such thing as an iPoddy.

Visual:Modern couch gag 10 couch gags to spice up your marriage

Marge · Maggie:There's a bee on Maggie. Okay, Maggie, just calmly and carefully back away.

Maggie:Beehive! Blueberries!

Homer:I told you not to mock me at picnics.

Homer:Is it that you're brother and sister? Because you really look a lot alike.

Homer:Half-brother and half-sister? ... Siamese twins who've been surgically separated?

Milhouse:Finally you guys will stop using me as a pawn in your fights. ... I made it up. Like kids do.

Homer:There are so many choices. Bolo? Clip-on? Piano keys? Ten Commandments of Beer?

Homer:The cornerstones of the Brewish faith.

Marge · Homer:You don't know what color my eyes are?! ... Is 'beautiful' a color? No.

Homer:I don't notice the color of people's eyes. I just judge them on the color of their skin.

Visual sign:Please do not kick sea turtles

Marge:She's wearing white? She must have rolled the odometer back to zero.

Marge:So you're good at noticing dress colors, but not the eyes that make your dinner.

Reverend Lovejoy:We are gathered here in the sight of God and this unsafe-for-swimming beach

Reverend Lovejoy:to celebrate the holy un-divorcing of Kirk and Luann.

Bart:Spaz.

Reverend Lovejoy:And do you, Luann, take Kirk-- despite the fact that he is fundamentally the same man that you said in court was unfit to load your dishwasher? Whose very touch repulsed you?

Kirk:Uh, you're reading an early draft of our vows. Just say 'I do.'

Reverend Lovejoy:You may now kiss the bride. But make it quick. The seagulls have gotten into the hors d'oeuvres.

Luigi:My friends, do not eat. Is made with seagull meat.

Kirk:If you don't like Mrs. Simpsons' cooking, you have your 'mommy meals.'

Marge:Why does every kid who stays with us bring 'mommy meals'? So I put pineapple in my potato salad. Live a little, huh?

Homer:That's why, to this day, you never see a shark with monkey arms.

Milhouse:Great story, Mr. Simpson. But why do all your bedroom stories have commercials in them for The Container Store?

Homer:Because if I do it enough, maybe they'll start to pay me. Sleep tight. The Container Store, no wait five convenient locations.

Milhouse:Ah... now that my mom and dad are back together, I'm happy every day. I can't wait to wake up so tomorrow can start.

Visual:Countdown to wake-up time

Kirk:We're gonna start this marriage off right. This time, I'm gonna carry you over the threshold.

Kirk:Dear God! I need more nickels!

Kirk:Luann, is that you nibbling on my knee?

Bart:Check it out, an animal hole. Where does it go? Only one way to find out.

Bart:Ah...! Tarantulas! I'll save you, Baby Burps-A-Lot.

Bart:Ah...! Spider burps!

Milhouse:This week is the best. I don't care if my parent sever come back.

Coast Guard · Milhouse:Milhouse Van Houten? Yes? Son, your parents have been lost at sea.

Milhouse:Oh my God! I said I didn't care if they ever came back! This is my fault!

Milhouse:Drown, monster, drown!

Bart · Milhouse:Hey, who died? My parents, probably. So you guys aren't ice cream men?

Coast Guard:We'll try, but have you ever been to the sea? It's huge. And we have to search all of them-- 'cause they all, you know, connect.

Homer:And we'll move your bedtime to an hour later, so you'll have more time to be alone with your thoughts.

Homer:Hey, hey, come on. Why don't you cheer up with a glass of Ocean Spray?

Homer:Cap'n Crunch ... Seven Seas Italian dressing ... Chicken of the Sea tuna? Billy Ocean CD? The History of Atlantic Records?

Milhouse · Homer:Stop naming things! I want to, but I can't!

Marge · Homer:Then go to Moe's! Good idea. I'll drown my sorrows in Anchor Steam Beer. Oh! I'm sorry...

Milhouse · Marge:Like I'm going to a funeral? No! Don't talk like that! There's always hope.

Coast Guard:We just wanted to let you know, we've stopped searching.

Bart:Just push A, B, up, up, left trigger, right trigger, and both triggers at once.

Milhouse:Isn't there already enough pain in this world?

Milhouse:Oh, my God. I've become the world's oldest baby. Men don't get their moo-moo from a ba-ba.

Milhouse:They get their moo-moo from a big-boy cup!

Milhouse:I can't be a baby anymore. I'm alone now. I have to be a man!

Homer:Oh, Marge, darling, what's the combination to our wedding album? Our anniversary!

Bart:It's Milhouse! That's not the Milhouse I know.

Jimbo:Hey, loser, your mom called.

Milhouse:One day, you'll be more haunted by those words than I am.

Jimbo · Milhouse:Why aren't you crying? I wish I could cry. Tears would cleanse my soul.

Milhouse:Go ahead, beat me up. Maybe then I'll feel something.

Jimbo:Eh, what's the point?

Milhouse:I always wanted you to hold my hand, Lisa. And now that you are, I'm too numb to feel anything.

Milhouse:It's like you're wearing oven mitts and I'm in my winter parka.

Lisa:That's so poetic.

Bart:Hey, I'm happy to see Milhouse get some hand-on-hand action. But no one is cooler than Bartholomew J. Simpson.

Bart:Anyone want to sit over here? You can have my pizza crust.

Nelson:Please, Bart, you're embarrassing yourself.

Bart:Come on! Look at me, I'm cool. I've got my backpack on frontwards, and I'm krumping!

Visual text:Check it out! This image has not been speed up.

Milhouse:There's a time for krumping, and this isn't it.

Marge:I'll krump with you, sweetie pie.

Bart:Milhouse has gone from being a comic figure to a tragic one. If he could go back to being happy, I could go back to being cool.

Homer:Boy, stop talking to yourself. Your thoughts should stay in your head.

Bart:Every Christmas... Milhouse gets Danish butter cookies from... Solvang, California... where he has a beloved un... cle!

Operator:Butter cookie 8-2147, Hans Christian Anderson 5-5166, and Aquavit 3-2599.

Bart:Okay, so which one of these losers is Milhouse's Uncle Norbert? Norbert? Norbert? Oh, this guy's a total Norbert.

Character:Norbert? I wish. My name is Gaylord Q. Tinkledink.

Zack:Well, I'm one of the Danish Van Houtens, not the Dutch Van Houtens.

Gaylord:And I'm here to find my nephew Nerdletaub Z. Pantybottom.

Gaylord · Bart:Let us join forces. Would you be my uncle? No, but have a butter cookie.

Milhouse:Well, I don't need you. I've learned to take care of myself.

Uncle Zack:You've become quite a young man-- self-reliant, mature. You've shed your Dutch ways and become a true Dane.

Zack:You've shed your Dutch ways and become a true Dane.

Bart:Oh, man, now he's even more popular. He's troubled, but I can save him.

Homer:Uh... brown? No. Orange? No. Elm? Rake? Guessing?

Barney:Well, well, look who's strolling down Alzheimer Avenue.

Homer:A blue bouffant / From here to there / Snow white teeth and lips so red / She's the Wilma to my Fred

Homer:Let's see, what rhymes with appraisal? Basil, nasal. None of these are colors.

Homer:Hazel! Your eyes are hazel.

Homer:Hazel like the pussy willows by the pond where we first kissed, like the almond paste in the bear claw I ate after we first made love.

Zack · Milhouse:Oh, did you remember to cut off the gas flow? The what?

Lisa:You're worried you're losing Milhouse, and love is a selfish thing.

Bart:Oh, yeah? Well, when you're mean, I'm a trampoline, so everything you said goes back and hits your ugly head.

Bart:Oh, I love him so much!

Mr. Johnson:Hey, in the real world, rope-climbing skills are vital.

Mr. Johnson · Bart:Well, what do you think of Mr. Johnson's rope-climbing class now? Still sucks!

Milhouse · Bart · Zack:Milhouse! Mom and Dad! Mr. and Mrs. Van Houten! Damned Dutchmen!

Kirk · Zack · Luann:Not so fast, son. We are trapped on this island. No worries. I've already radioed for a rescue boat sailed by brave Danish sailors. More like swishy Danish sailors.

Zack:You're going down, Dutchman. You grapple like a girl!