Funeral For A Fiend

Homer:I ain't tippin' some jerk two bucks to tie a TV to my car. Mama Moe didn't raise no fools.

Homer:Well, I guess I can just keep watching DVDs by following family vans around.

Homer:Big Bird in China? Won't Grover get lonely? Oh, no, wait. He's hangin' out with Derek Jeter.

Homer:Now ignore all the fancy shmancy things thingamajigs, boy.

Store Employee:Care to make love, sir?

Homer · Store Employee:That'll be 50 cents, or free with the purchase of a $200 TiVO plus a two-year contract. Sold!

Homer:Come on, Lisa! The TV's been off for five whole minutes!

Homer:I spit on your corpse, advertisers supporting television.

Homer:TiVo, you've got a season pass to my heart.

TV Host:My boyfriend Straightman just proposed...that we go on separate vacations again this year!

Homer:I saved Lost, watched all Rome in a day, and got Two and a half men in two and a half minutes.

Homer:Then I ran out of space and had to choose between Sophie's Choice and Schindler's list. Why is everything Hollywood make so excellent?

Keith Olbermann · Marge:Keith Olbermann?! That's right, content burglar Marge Simpson.

Keith Olbermann:You've been watching TV shows, but skipping the commercials that pay for them. That makes you...the worst person in the world!

Marge · Keith Olbermann:My cousin Marine saw you flying in business class! I was upgraded against my will!

Keith Olbermann:It takes a team of 20 people to keep me that way, without ad money, I'd look like a swamp monster from a child's nightmare!

Keith Olbermann:And under here, I look even worse. Then it gets better, then even worse!

Ryan Leaf:That's why this is the only mop endorsed by me, former NFL draft pick, Ryan Leaf.

Marge:Their commercial featured a talking frog. So tell those idiots in the State Capital to let Union Carbide do their thing.

Narrator:Paid for by Cartoon Frogs For Wetlands Destruction.

Homer:Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back.

Lisa · Commercial:Good luck with my finicky appetite. We've got ribs. Sold!

Homer:More ribs for me! More ribs for me! More ribs for me?

Sideshow Bob:And 'Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts' is actually an anagram! Welcome to Sideshow Bob's World Famous Family Style Return!

Homer · Sideshow Bob:I'd like to know if Wes Doobner is aware of what you're doing in his restaurant. I'm Wes Doobner.

Bart:You never ask what we've been up to. We went to the strawberry patch and I picked the most strawberries!

Sideshow Bob:Just call me...Slideshow Bob!

Bart:Nobody do it.

Sideshow Bob:I snuck into America amidst a bunch of undocumented Canadian comedy writers for The Jimmy Kimmel Show, whatever that is.

Homer · Sideshow Bob:Which one? 'The Hills Have Eyes Three: The Hills Still Have Eyes'.

Lisa · Sideshow Bob:Actually, you made one. What Shakespeare really said was, 'Twere well it were done quickly.'

Sideshow Bob:Come on, Wikipedia, load, you unwieldy behemoth.

Lisa · Sideshow Bob:It's 'hoist with his own petard.' Oh, get a life.

Bart:Young? I'm the oldest kid in my class! By like two years.

Judge · Dame Judith:Did they name the Toyota Cressida after the play, or the play after the car? Play first, then car. I just lost a thousand dollars.

Crowd Member:He ordered prank pizzas to 888 Poopy Pants Lane! Poopy Pants Lane ends in the 700 block!

Crowd Member:He cheats at Uno!

Sideshow Bob · Crowd · Bart:Nitroglycerin! Everybody panic! Yoink! Foiled again, freak!

Bart:Ew, gross--I'm touching a dead guy!

News Anchor:America has a tradition of turning outlaws into legends after their deaths: Billy the Kid, Bonnie and Clyde, Jesus Christ.

News Anchor:A veritable who's who ha-ha.

Funeral Singer:Bart stole your nitroglycerin And then your heart infarcked

Funeral Singer:Like when you fell and split your pants And we saw your 'Frank and Beans.'

Krusty:There's the kid who killed my best friend! Buy my DVD.

Bart:Yeah, well, between you and me, I still can't stand him.

Homer:Church jerks... church jerks... Anus, anus... anus, anus, anus...

Cecil:That summer when he wanted to tour the castles of Italy, I wanted to tour the castles of France. So we went to Spain, a compromise that satisfied no one.

Bart:That's stupid. You talk like youre smart, but you're stupid.

Milhouse:Ball one, ball two, strike one...

Lisa:Feet... killing?! We've got to save Bart!

Bart:I came here to tell you I never meant for you to die. I just wanted you to go to jail and get beat up a lot.

Sideshow Bob:Then let's give the people what they want!

Bart:Cool, I found a trapdoor that leads to an underground city. Here I go!

Homer:Cool, I found a trapdoor that leads to an underground city. Here I go!

Cecil · Sideshow Bob:Yes, and Hamlet is all about Laertes. Would you please stop comparing me to Laertes!

Cecil · Sideshow Bob:Yes, and Hamlet is all about Laertes. Would you please stop comparing me to Laertes! If the doublet fits...

Homer:Zeus' pimples! Hot! Hot! Hot!

Lisa · Sideshow Bob:I grew suspicious when I saw the casket had extra room built-in for your feet. Why would your family pay all that extra money of a dead man? Damn these glorious gunboats!

Bart:You stink like my butt!

Bart · Chief Wiggum:You stink like my butt! Take him away! Oh, why must I feed him straight lines?!

Sideshow Bob:Oh, why must I feed him straight lines?!

Homer:Slash! Hack! Die!

Prison Inmate:The joke's not funny and the bid's not sufficient.