Sex Pies And Idiot Scrapes

Lisa:I love how they made the river green.

Homer:Actually, my nuclear plant did that. And now that you know, your life is in danger.

Mayor Quimby:I, Joseph Fitzgerald O'Malley Fitzpatrick O'Donnell the Edge Quimby

Mayor Quimby:The Irish gave the world the paddy wagon, the shamrock shake and folk dancing where you don't move your arms.

Groundskeeper Willie:Where's the IRA when you need 'em? We renounced the ways of the gun and the bomb.

Homer:Two kinds of Irish people? What are they fighting over, who gets to sleep in the bathtub?

Moe:It always comes down to transubstantiation versus consubstantiation.

Chief Wiggum:Without the booze, these guys all remember how much they hate each other!

Moe:This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day till the Irish people showed up.

Irish kids:You don't have the teeth for it. Aye, but we could gum the frosting.

Patrick Farrelly:Light, moist, and such a marvelous shape retention.

Marge:A professional baker's employee? Imagine how different my life would be.

Homer:I'll use my one phone call to find out all about it!

Unknown defendant:Mulk request change of venue. Green monster cannot get fair trial in downtown Springfield.

Homer:Three-peat.

Homer:I make that in a year.

Bail bondsman:I called your boss to verify your employment, and he says you're fired for getting arrested. You'd be amazed how often that happens.

Wolf:I also take a tooth, make a plaster cast, put it on this necklace, then replace the tooth at my expense.

Wolf:You have to pass an online exam. No, wait, they got rid of that. There is a $10 filing fee, but you can get around it. Congratulations! You're now a bounty hunter!

Fugitives:Bail-jumpers welcome! That's refreshing, after the cold shoulder we got at the Townhomes at Sterling Pointe.

Homer:Now, let's think about this. If you shoot me, I won't be able to stop you, and you'll be free to go. But someone may come after you. Probably not, given your reputation for shooting people who come after you.

Homer:What I'm trying to say is not shooting me now would be the biggest mistake of your life.

Homer:Bullet-proof glass. Flanders?!

Ned Flanders:Young man, what would your mother say if she knew you were shooting nice people in the brain?

Criminal:She'd say that year off from Princeton was the worst decision I ever made.

Ned · Homer:Homer, you could have killed him! I sure could have, thanks to you.

Ned Flanders:Now I can clearly see potential customers walk right past my store. Enjoy your shopping elsewhere!

Ned Flanders:As the salad said to the soup, 'I'm all mixed up.'

Ned · Homer:And you have to promise no diddilies or doodilies. My friend, you have a deal-arooney! D'oh!

Marge:Why do you only have me make spheres, rods, and half-moon shapes?

Customer · Patrick:We need something tasty and tasteless. I've got just the thing, courtesy of my newest baker: freshly-frosted ass cake.

Marge:This is an erotic bakery!

Patrick:For as long as there's been baking, there's been erotic baking. It fills a need and harms no one.

Patrick:Without your baking, people like me will be forced into back alleys, repurposing Ho Hos and Ding Dongs.

Homer:Finally, a practical use for electricity.

Homer:No. It looks cool! D'oh!

Criminal father · Son:Shell casings! There's still bullets in some of these. Point them away from your sisters when you hammer them.

Daughter · Father:Dad, is this from a meth lab? The biggest one in town. This is evidence. Evidence that I love my little girl.

Homer:Yes, for now.

Ned:I like their Christian cover band: AD/BC. Kindly deeds done for free.

Criminal:Man, that's harder to swallow than evolution.

Ned:Lord, in your mercy, could you give my friend a stroke?

Skinner:Quick, we'll have to eat from each end. We'll know we're safe when our lips meet in the middle.

Ned:You need a special sticker just to bring a bike.

Homer:Wait, I left a sandwich in there.

Homer:I'll tell you what's over. This partnership!

Ned:You know, if you take your foot off the accelerator going downhill, you wouldn't use so much gas.

Marge:I hid it all in the one place you'd never look.

Homer:I can see you withholding sex or withholding cake, but withholding sexy cake?

Homer · Marge:You, me and the cake. First, why don't you and I and the cake take a shower?

Homer · Ned:And how did you know I wouldn't be there? Lucky guess.

Homer:Forgot my keys.

Homer:You hang onto resentment like a Confederate widow.

Homer:Yeah, but you hold on to the big things.

Homer · Ned:Thanks, but... what are you holding on to?

Ned:I guess I did know the whole Old Testament by heart. Out with the old, in with the new. Testament, that is.

Homer:Make it life, and you've got a deal.