Wedding For Disaster

Reverend Lovejoy · Congregation Member:there are only two real commandments, and the other eight are just filler. I knew it.

Moe:Oh, my God! She fainted! Let's go get smelling salts! Suckers!

News Reporter:since Mother Teresa stopped here to gas up her Vespa

News Reporter:I'd commit arson for the parson. Clergymen can kiss my apse.

News Reporter:Surprisingly, none of them have sold. Except for this one.

News Reporter:News has never been softer.

Crowd Member:the earthly embodiment of the elected chair of the national congress of deacons

Kent Brockman:You just made my mustache tingle.

Parson:our world spiritual headquarters in Michigan City, Indiana

Reverend Lovejoy:I love to go to church It's where I like to read / I get a day in of praying And still tee off by three

Reverend Lovejoy:He's like the pope of this thing!

Helen Lovejoy:That is if you had stuck with it. You asked me to quit, because I was making more than you.

Parson · Reverend Lovejoy:Sounds to me like somebody put on more than just one coat. Maybe.

Parson:Walking to your office is what I like to do / Maybe while we're at it We'll peek in at your pews

Reverend Lovejoy:Helen had bought a fireplace poker from Nova Scotia. She says it shifts logs better than American pokers. But I disagree.

Parson · Reverend Lovejoy:In fact, I remember when she was Harold Schwarzbaum. You what? I've said too much.

Reverend Lovejoy · Parson:Well, I'm sure the Lord is understanding. No, He's not.

Helen Lovejoy:That food might as well have been regurgitated by Satan himself. Regurgitated by Satan He couldn't keep it down / Oh, 666 He got sick, sick, sick / And that's how volcanoes were born

Old Man · Reverend Lovejoy:She still alive? I'm afraid not. 'Cos I left her ashes on the bus.

Sea Captain:Maybe the next one!

Cletus:So that's why that ghost keeps coming through the window. Afternoon. Fly away ghosty! Go back to your haunted cornfield!

Homer Simpson:We didn't order a pizza. But you forgot the pizza anyway.

Homer Simpson:And I think Apu got lucky with my sister.

Homer Simpson · Marge Simpson:We don't need a piece of paper to keep it real. Who are you calling an old lady? I need that paper quick!

Lisa Simpson · Homer Simpson · Bart Simpson:But in the sense someone calls you one when they're angry, yes. Why, you little bastard! That's the angry one.

Bart Simpson:Yeah, instead of exhausted zombies running down the clock.

City Hall Worker:Watch your back. Half a corpse coming through.

City Hall Worker:That's the line to get out.

Homer Simpson:Hello. It's me, Lance Romance.

Homer Simpson:you deserve a wedding day that, unlike our children, was planned in advance

Homer Simpson · Santa:Now back to your cold airless tomb. Ho, ho, ho.

Homer Simpson:Marge, a woman only gets one chance at a second remarriage.

Homer Simpson · Store Clerk:Well, the last time I checked, pirates weren't gay. Dude, how'd you check?

Homer Simpson:Maybe we can bury the rocket ship inside the cake. And that would be a big surprise, because I'd forget about it pretty quick.

Marge Simpson · Florist:Well did he take all the blue roses with him? My father was a lovely man. He took very good care of my mother and me.

Marge Simpson:but only one plate of butter. That'll stimulate conversation.

Homer Simpson · Marge Simpson:But there is, Marge. The first two letters. I can't believe you're ruining the second Thursday before the wedding!

Marge Simpson:'Cos they're not even coming to the wedding. Why not? Because they're RSVP cards arrived one day after the deadline!

Marge Simpson:More like you're a King Wrong!

Marge Simpson:Not on my day, you don't.

Marge Simpson:We are now eleven seconds behind schedule!

Homer Simpson:I'm chained up like a common bicycle!

Homer Simpson:It would have to be someone who could afford a chain.

Homer Simpson:Just so you know, you're making a pretty bad first impression.

Marge Simpson:They taste like nothing.

Bart Simpson:Plus, he loves Mom and us, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Bart Simpson:Because he knows that if Mom and Dad don't get married, I'll never be born!

Delivery Person:I'd like to hear more about it, but company policy forbids chit-chat.

Homer Simpson:Whose side are you on?

Cecil Terwilliger:Oh, don't worry. Nothing's gonna happen to you, Mr. Teeny Number 7.

Sideshow Bob:Scott Baio, the Sultan of Brunei, the former Poland secret police the Służba Bezpieczeństwa.

Kidnapper:But just a hotter sauce.

Fat Tony · Louie:They're-- Oh, you're being sarcastic. Wow! You're the smartest guy in that room! Thank you. That's very nice-- More sarcasm.

Homer Simpson:You always find the one grain of sugar in the salt shaker that is I.

Homer Simpson:God help me, I even miss your sisters.

Homer Simpson:and two sobbing trolls threw me out of a van onto our lawn.

Homer Simpson:Won't it dry up in a few days, and fall off in the bath?

Selma Bouvier:So maybe we could put a tanning bed in there.

Selma Bouvier:Ask her. She's the brains. I'm the thing that's not the brains.

Patty Bouvier:We emptied our 401(k)s for this?

Frink:No! You're a plant now!