Charles

Charles:This is Charles. You can call me Charlie. But do not call me late when there are scones about.

Charles · Homer:It's a little british humor. / I'll bet the twist is he's gay.

Charles:Oh, you needn't worry. I'm a bit of an elbow man, myself, actually. A bit different, a bit weird. Not sexual.

Marge · Charles:So, Charles, what do you do for a living? / Well, I'm an office manager, and, no, I didn't even get a promotion today, again. So, go on, go ahead. Disembowel me with your pointy, pointy words.

Marge · Charles:Really? You manage a whole office? / Yes. Yes. Yes I do, actually. / Well, that's very impressive.

Marge · Charles:Does that include the people and the furniture? / Yeah, and I decide where the christmas party's held. Actually, it's decided by committee, but, you know, I choose the committee.

Homer · Charles:Hello. / I don't, I don't choose the committee as such, but, you know, I choose where they meet. This year I am thinking of conference room 'C.'

Charles · Marge:That leaves 'a' and 'b' available for overflow. / Well done!

Verity · Charles:He's a very impressive boy. / The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. / A tree that's been alone for far too long.

Marge · Charles:I don't get it. / Are you saying you're the tree? / Maybe. / Are my roots showing? / Wordplay, brilliant.

Charles · Marge:Would you like to hear a joke? / As long as it's not a knock-knock joke. I always ruin them by saying, 'come in.'

Charles · Marge:You see, this man, he finds a magic lamp, and a genie comes out. / That's funny. / That's just the setup. / Well, you've set me up, for laughs down the road. / So the genie says, 'I'll give you three wishes, but whatever you get, your wife gets double.' / Okay? Remember that. / How nice for her.

Charles:Now, here's the humor. The man says, 'I want a new car. The genie says, 'your wife gets two.' Okay, remember the double? The man says, 'I want a new house.' So the genie says, 'your wife gets two.' So the man says... 'beat me half to death.'

Charles:It's funny. Don't you get it? 'Cause she gets double, so if he gets beaten half to death, the wife would be beaten to death.

Marge · Charles:That sounds horrible. / I agree, terrible. Offensive towards women. Little amusing, don't you think? / No! / Me, either. Spousal abuse. It's, uh, it's a real problem. It's not funny. It's tragic, if anything so...

Marge · Charles:well, I liked the genie part. That was fun. / You think so? / Yes, I could really picture him. With curly shoes and smoke all over the place.

Marge · Charles:You're a born storyteller. / Well, yeah, I suppose I am, yeah. / Yeah, not a murderer. / No.

Charles · Marge:Would you like to hear another joke? / I sure would. / Let me just get us some iced tea.

Charles:One more kind word from her and I am completely smitten.

Marge · Charles:Your toaster takes bagels. How ritzy. / And there we have it.

Marge · Charles:what's with the kimono? 'Are we having Lachoy?' No Marge, I was just sitting around drinking Vermouth and contemplating how, just when you're drowning in a pit of despair, life can throw you a beautiful blue life preserver.

Charles:Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. No logic. Not tonight.

Charles · Marge:Did I tell you I'm a bit of a songwriter? Words and music, hold the applause. I wrote this song for a woman. You. / What an odd thing for a man who's not interested in me to do. / Yes. Not interested. Let me just breathe your scent for a moment before I play.

Charles:Lady when you came to me, I was feeling blue blue just like your hair, you see blue just like the moon but only when the moon is blue and not when it is cream

Charles · Homer:and now that you are here with me I am in a dream oh, Yeah, Marge, your dreams can come true.

Charles:Lady, when you go away I feel like I could die not like dye like your hair is dyed but die like Lady Di and not Like Di like her name is Di but die like when she died.

Charles:But lady just like lady di be my princess tonight but don't die don't die. No way.

Marge · Charles:That song was very nice. / How'd you think up so many rhyming words?

Charles:Marge, I love you. And I can tell from your basic level of courtesy that you love me, too.

Marge · Charles:Listen, Charles, I don't want to hurt your feelings... / because you love me, right? Admit it. We were born to fall into each others' arms on reality tv.

Charles:Of course you do. He's a real man, not like me, a miserable toad under the thumb of the biggest bitch this side of the Westminster Kennel Club.

Marge · Charles:Charles, please, your son might see this. / He's not my son. His real father is either the pool man or my wife's lover. They're the main two candidates I've narrowed it down to. Pretty sure.