Character Analysis
Child
Played by Pamela Hayden
33 jokes across 21 episodes of The Simpsons
9.2
33
6.9
6.7
Character Comedy
Child delivers 33 scored jokes across 21 episodes of The Simpsons, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact for a career WAR of 9.2. Their comedy leans toward character comedy. The highest-scoring line is below.
Funniest Child Lines
Child · Counselor:You're serving us gruel? Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of 10 orphans can't tell the difference.
Child:My dad was a circus freak, but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.
Kent Brockman · Child · Kent Brockman:From now on, children acting up in public places will be lightly tased. / Mommy, pick me up. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) / I wasn't kidding.
Chief Wiggum · Child:It hurts! It hurts so bad! Please, just put one in my brain! Okay. Uh, bang. Thank you.
Child · Homer:I'm a boy. - That's the spirit. Never give up.
All Jokes — 32 total
Child:And his feet, they're so small.
Child · Another Child:-Gross! -Yet strangely compelling.
Child · Mr. Black · Another Child:Can we call you Uncle Blackie? No. Last question. When do we get to see Krusty? Uh, he will be along eventually.
Child · Counselor:Don't we get to roast marshmallows? Shut up and eat your pinecone.
Child · Counselor:You're serving us gruel? Not quite. This is Krusty Brand Imitation Gruel. Nine out of 10 orphans can't tell the difference.
Child · Counselor:A snake bit me. Back in line, maggot!
Child · Krusty · Lisa:I smell bacon. Let's see if he's wearing a wire! Hey! Whoa! No! Not the face! [Gasping] It is the real Krusty. Look at that pacemaker scar, the cattle skull birthmark... and his famous superfluous nipple.
Lyle Lanley · Child:Little lady, I'd love to, but I have to catch a plane. The ride only takes a minute. Yeah, well, my plane leaves in less than one minute.
Bart · Mother · Child:Barclay, Barry, Bert... Bort? Come on. 'Bort'? Mommy, buy me a license plate. No. Come along, Bort. Are you talking to me? No. My son is also named Bort.
Child · Homer:I'm a boy. - That's the spirit. Never give up.
Child:I sleep in a drawer.
Man · Child:Daddy, are you going to jail? We'll see, Son. We'll see.
Child · Focus Group Leader:Why is that mirror sneezing? Uh, look, it's just an old, creaky mirror. You know, sometimes it sounds a little like it's sneezing... or coughing or talking softly.
Child · Focus Group Leader:My knob tastes funny. Please refrain from tasting the knob.
Fyvush Finkel as Krusty · Child:Chan Ho, your mother Mia and I are getting a divorce. Chan Ho is over there. I am Chin Ho. Whoever you are. Just pass it along, kid.
Child · Mr. Burns · Smithers:You're it. We'll see about that. After him, Smithers. Aaah! You're not it!
Child · Father:Is he killing that guitar, Daddy? Yes, Son.
Child · Homer:Mommy has bosoms like that. Yeah, I wish.
Child · Stan Lee:But only Batman fits in my Batmobile. Are you nuts? The Thing fits in there perfectly. Look. He's fitting right now.
Child · Stan Lee:You broke my Batmobile! Broke? Or made it better?
Child:I'll give you three crayons and my milk
Child:I'm walking away
Child · Homer:I eat Legos. So did I, son. And look where I am today.
Kent Brockman · Child · Kent Brockman:From now on, children acting up in public places will be lightly tased. / Mommy, pick me up. (ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) / I wasn't kidding.
Child · Mother · Child:Mom, can we get a pretzel? / We've got pretzels at home. / Not cinnamon.
Child · Another child · First child · Adult voter:I love you. / I love glue! / I love you! / Aw! Such a sweet little thing. Time to destroy your future.
Child · Henry:You're a poopie! / You nurse with that mouth?
Crowd · Child:Cuckold! Cuckold! Cuckold! What's a cuckold?
Child:My dad was a circus freak, but my mom don't remember which one. I like to think it was a little bit of all of them.
Child:I wish for world peace. I wish for world war. Oh, yeah, that would be cooler.
Chief Wiggum · Child:It hurts! It hurts so bad! Please, just put one in my brain! Okay. Uh, bang. Thank you.
Homer · Child · Homer:The American flag not good enough for ya? / That was my father. / I'm your father now