Cletus

Cletus:Ah, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman though. 'Cause one time I-- [Stammering]

Homer · Cletus:Son, let's stop the fussin' and the feudin'. I love you, Pa! I love you, Cletis!

Cletus:This year I'm making ear plugs out of biscuit dough.

Cletus:At Kitty Hawk in 1903... Charles Lindbergh flew it 15 miles on a thimbleful of corn oil. Single-handedly won us the Civil War, it did.

Cletus:I pieced it together mostly from sugar packets.

Cletus · Brandine:Hey, Brandine! You could wear this shirt to work. Oh, Cletis, you know I gotta wear the shirt what Dairy Queen give me.

Cletus:Hey, Ma! Get off the dang roof!

Cletus · Brandine:Are they talkin' about the bordello? No, the burlesque house. So just keep your mouth shut.

Cletus:Hey, I don't think so. I got me 300 coupons.

Cletus:Shoulda but didna, so hand 'em over.

Cletus:Come on. Tiffany, Heather, Cody, Dillon... Dermott, Jordan, Taylor, Brittany... Wesley, Rumor, Scout, Cassidy... Zoe, Chloe, Max, Hunter... Kendall, Caitlan, Noah, Sasha... Morgan, Kira, Ian, Lauren... Q-Bert, Phil. [Chuckles]

Cecil · Cletus:You speak as if they were a gaggle of slack-jawed yokels. Mr. Terwilliger, come quick! There's trouble down to the cement mixer, sir! See, Cousin Merl and me was playing fetch with Geech. That's our old smellhound and- Geech gone to heaven, Mr. Terwilliger.

Cletus:Temper, temper. You know Cousin Merl ain't been quite right lately.

Cletus:I know Cousin Merl has had his troubles with the revenuers, but he's hardly a master-

Cletus:Well, if you're so sure what it ain't, how about tellin' us what it am?

Cletus:I seen it first! Ooh! Girlie Sue's gonna have a elegant weddir feast.

Cletus:Never you mind, Brandine. You just go back to birthir that baby.

Cletus:Them things can go off even after they's dead.

Cletus:I done 'spraint' my elbow bone... so it goes in the 'opposited' direction.

Cletus:Now, honey, they's my parents too.

Cletus:Lookee here! Cardy-board tubes! Now we can have indoor plumbin', just like they's got at the women's lockup.

Cletus:They spoilt you, Brandine. Sometimes I don't even know who you are anymore.

Homer · Cletus · Cletus's Kids:They're controlling our minds with flu shots. I knew it! / Well, kids, now aren't you glad we don't believe in inoculations? / [Both Moaning] Yea!

Cletus:Now hold still. Nothing cracks a turtle like Leon Uris. Ow! Dang it! Ow!

Cletus:Figure them sugar folk owe me for what they done to my cousin, Dia-Betty.

Cletus:Mr. Puck, you make the only grub what satisfies my gut worm, I swear.

Cletus:Reporter Cletus, Outhouse Times-Picayune.

Cletus:Mrs. K, if you win this here learning derby... will you forget your kith and kin and leave us all forever?

Cletus:Uh-uh. You forgot the lightning bolt.

Cletus · Cletus:He's really looking out for me, the average Joe Sixtooth. Where'd you get yourself another tooth? Sidewalk

Cletus:Cletus: 'Well, I'm here to win back Brandine. She been making eyes at that photographer what come to document our squalor.'

Kent Brockman · Cletus:I ain't fungified hidee-hoo about no legrification noways, then scratched his rear, hitched up his pants, and scratched his rear again.

Cletus:One ticket for the space show. I want to see if any of them aliens match up to the one I got in my root cellar.

Cletus:I don't have such a good memory since I drank my thermometer... but I whittles what I sees.

Wiggum · Cletus:Uh, hey, what are you making now? Uh, sometimes I whittles the future.

Cletus:how dare he?! That's the flag my grandpappy rebelled against!

Cletus:Now that Brandine's famous, she done run off with James Caan!

Cletus:Now that Brandine's famous, she done run off with James Caan! But don't you worry. I'm going to fix his wagon.

Homer · Cletus:Do you, Cletus, take Brandine to be... wait a minute-- are you two brother and sister? / We's all kinda things!

Cletus:What she said was, she's tired of having rabies.

Cletus:Give me back my belly fruit!

Cletus:Give me back my belly fruit!

Cletus · Brandine:You want me to attend the funeral of the Sultan of Brunei? Well, I would consider it my honor. Hey, Brandine, pack my evenin' britches. We's goin' to Brunei.

Cletus:You want me to attend the funeral of the Sultan of Brunei? Well, I would consider it my honor. Hey, Brandine, pack my evenin' britches. We's goin' to Brunei.

Cletus · Brandine:Another party and we cain't go. Yeah. Just 'cause we's afraid of using the uppity box.

Cletus:Still?! Are you drownin' 'em or makin' love to 'em?

Cletus:I teach the big ones and the big ones teach the little ones, but no one ever taught me, which makes the whole thing just an exercise in futility.

Cletus:Hey, kids! The plow done birthed a girl-critter!

Cletus:Now, if you need me, I'll be on the porch drinkin' Thomsen's Water Seal.

Cletus:'The county fair is always sucky to visit on a hot summer fart.' 'You can eat delicious cotton hate, and ride the Ferris burp and the Merry-go-booger.'

Cletus:Now I don't sign nothin' without pretendin' to read it first.

Cletus:Hamburger, hamburger, hamburger, hamburger. Looks good!

Cletus:Brandine! You're supposed to be in Iraq, stopping 9/11!

Brandine · Cletus:How much money do we have left? Uh, I owe Krusty $12,000. We can live on that.

Cletus:Sir, I have sired a dum-dum, a mush-head, a what's-it, a dog boy, and something with a human face and fish body, what we called Kevin, but my young'uns is not dirty players

Cletus:That's hill-William to you, sir

Cletus:You heard Geraldo

Cletus:My wife's lookin' for a bathing suit that doesn't make her look 'horsey.' So, I'm gonna be here a while.

Cletus's Wife · Cletus:Is you man or turtle? Here's your answer. Skittle, skittle, scurry, skittle.

Cletus:Howdy, what's yours that mine's is Cletus?

Cletus:She had a regular city birth in a gas station.

Cletus:According to the traditions of the hill folk, by giving our daughter a cow, you've made a formal proposal of marriage.

Cletus:We always figured someday Mary would marry. That's why we called her Mary.

Cletus · Stabbed-in-jail:We name all our kids after what we think's gonna happen to 'em. Ain't that right, Stabbed-in-jail?

Brandine · Cletus:Don't feel bad, sweetie. I was 13 when I married your father. - Yeah, and you'd already been divorced four times.

Cletus:So that's why that ghost keeps coming through the window. Afternoon. Fly away ghosty! Go back to your haunted cornfield!