Grandpa

Grandpa:Let's go! If I'm not back at the home by 9, they declare me dead and collect my insurance.

Grandpa · Bart · Grandpa:Wait! Where's the hyperspace? / Grandpa, you're the spaceship. / I thought I was this guy.

Grandpa:I got down on the floor for this?!

Grandpa · Other old man:Digital audiotape, my butt. When I was a kid, we had compact discs... and I don't recall no one complaining. Damn right.

Grandpa:Dogs wag their tails for hours after they die.

Bart · Grandpa:[Flatulent Noise] - [Gasps]

Grandpa · Homer:You already put me in a home. - Then we'll put you in the crooked home we saw on 60 Minutes.

Homer · Grandpa:Young man, since you broke Grampa's teeth, he gets to break yours. - Oh, this is gonna be sweet.

Grandpa:I got separated from my platoon after we parachuted into Düsseldorf. So I rode out the war posing as a German cabaret singer.

Grandpa:Ach du Liebe! Das ist not eine booby.

Bart · Grandpa:Is that story true, Grampa? Well, most of it. I did wear a dress for a period in the '40s.

Grandpa:I have to pay to see my own grandson! That's the democrats for ya!

Grandpa:There are only 49 stars on that flag. I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missouri.

Grandpa:Hello? Is anybody there?

Grandpa:...lemons being the sweetest fruit available at the time.

Grandpa:I forget which one exactly.

Grandpa:sliced bread having been invented the previous winter.

Grandpa:We had to move out once we'd filled the hat with garbage. The end.

Grandpa:Thank God it's Wednesday! - It's Friday. - Uh-oh. Wrong pills.

Grandpa · Homer:Oh, Son, I'm glad to see ya! I went for the morning paper and I got lost! - No time for you, old man.

Grandpa:Can somebody tell me what the hell is going on? Midge, help me out here.

Grandpa:Homer, I can honestly say that was the best episode of Impy and Chimpy I've ever seen.

Homer · Grandpa:When a boy doesn't want to play catch with his old man, something is seriously wrong. I'll play catch with you, Son. Get the hell out. I'm gone.

Grandpa:The year is 19-aught-six. The president is the divine Miss Sarah Bernardt. And all over America... people were doir a dance called the Funky Grandpa.

Grandpa:Where's Maggie? I'm not kiddir. I can't see. My retinas have detached again.

Grandpa · Homer:Baloney! You came here to put me in a home. You're already in a home.

Grandpa · Homer:Abraham Simpson. Cornelius Talmadge.

Grandpa:This is as fast as I can move.

Grandpa:I remember television!

Grandpa:Three wars back we called sauerkraut 'liberty cabbage,' and we called liberty cabbage 'super slaw!' And back then, a suitcase was known as a Swedish lunchbox. 'Course, nobody knew that but me.

Grandpa:Anyway, 'Long story short' is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling.

Grandpa · Lisa:Ooh! Did you say Joan Van Ark? No, Mom. Joan of Arc. It's never Joan Van Ark.

Grandpa:Yeah, I got a question! How dare you wear white?

Jimmy · Grandpa:Grandpa, will you take me fishin'? Sorry, Jimmy, your Grandma and I are going to go have old-people sex.

Marge · Grandpa:Grandpa, you're a greet grater. I mean a great greeter. Now look who's senile.

Grandpa:No... ...mes.

Homer · Grandpa:Oh, Dad. How I'll miss your cap, your walking stick, your plaster base. I'm down here, you idiot.

Grandpa:No. They're helpless without a greeting. Look at 'em.

Grandpa:Make me proud. Or at least less ashamed.

Grandpa · Homer:I need two AA batteries. Now! Get 'em from the smoke detector. What if there's a fire? The smoke will wake us up.

Grandpa:My pacemaker!

Grandpa · Homer:How long you gonna be bunking with me, son? Well, the rest of your life for sure.

Grandpa:In my younger days, I was an ace crime fighter. The 'Crimson Cockatoo.'

Grandpa:You can be the Crimson Cockaboy. Hmm? I'll keep thinking.

Bart · Grandpa:Dad, are you sure you're okay to drive at night? It's night?!

Grandpa:Tommy Dorsey's All-White Orchestra... to a time when girls were girls and a Hershey bar was as thick as a phone book

Grandpa:I'm sick of this song! / I don't like this one either... too optimistic! Too slow! Too fast! No zazz! Too much zazz! More boogie! Less woogie! My back hurts! All my friends are dead!

Bart · Grandpa:Nice one. Thanks. Oh, no, we're gonna die.

Grandpa:Eventually I'll die in your home, which'll hurt the resale value

Grandpa:I was having the most wonderful dream. I always wake up just before the good part.

Grandpa:Back then, we called them Alphabet Hotels, 'cause every letter gets its own little room.

Grandpa:'Will' and 'shorts'-- two things I'm no longer allowed to change by myself.

Grandpa:Oh, I can't complain and I never do!

Grandpa:Oh, I can't complain and I never do! Thanks for letting me live in your guest house.

Grandpa:While you were lying here soaking like a bunch of dirty dishes, I was lonelier than Estes Kefauver at a meeting of Murder Incorporated!

Grandpa:That actually makes sense. Look it up!

Homer · Grandpa:Pitch in a negro league. I can at least think of at least two problems with that.

Grandpa:I just had a nightmare! That I was back with your mother! Oh, how I miss her.

Homer · Grandpa:Our first sale. / Our first refund.