Judge

Krusty · Judge:Is it a crime to bet on sporting events? Yes, it is! Oh.

Judge · Mr. Burns:You wouldn't dare! Well, no, I guess I wouldn't.

Judge · Homer:Could you touch your nose for me? Hmm.

Judge:Lisa, after meeting your father... I've decided to award you an additional five points.

Judge:He's such a bitch.

Court Officer · Judge:18,000 letters all addressed to 'Santa Claus.' - You want 'The People of Springfield versus Kris Kringle.' That's next door.

Judge · Mr. Burns:Mr. Burns, in light of your unbelievable contempt for human life... this court fines you three million dollars. Smithers, my wallet's in my right front pocket.

Mr. Burns · Judge:Oh, and, uh, I'll take that statue of Justice too. Sold!

Lionel Hutz · Judge:Your Honor, I'd like that last remark stricken from the record. No.

Judge:No one who speaks German can be an evil man.

Prosecutor · Judge:You rest your case? What? Oh, no. I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.

Judge:Chicks on the bench.

Judge:Even though reopening a trial at this point... is illegal and grossly unconstitutional... I just can't say no to kids.

Judge · Lisa · Narrator:Don't worry. It's just a name. / He said it was just a name! / What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula.

Judge:Order! Order! We don't care about your blintzes.

Judge · Lawyer · Judge:If I hear 'objection' and 'sustained' one more time today, I think I'm going to scream. - Objection. - Sustained.

Judge:No, I'm not Superman. I'm a judge.

Judge:Why, just this morning I sentenced my 46th man to death. No, 47th.

Judge:I move that the last sketch be stricken from the record. Now bring in the next offender.

Judge:Religion must stay 500 yards from Science at all times

Judge · Homer:Homer Simpson! You stand accused of eating half the population of the Planet of the Doughnuts.

Judge · Homer:I'm going to give you the only name you spelled correctly. From this day forward, your name shall be- 'Max Power'?

Judge · Second judge:That is the best version of 'Living in America' I've ever heard. - Third best for me.

Judge:Well, it's not going to be easy to pick a winner. But I think one school red, white and blew us all away!

Judge:Well, I was going to give you the Good Sportsmanship Award but now I'm just going to be sick.

Marge · Judge:It was healthy. He reciprocated. He reciprocated!

Judge · Marge:I see. And this 'god,' is he in this room right now? Oh, yes. He's kind of everywhere.

Judge · Marge:Marge Simpson, you give us no choice but to declare you utterly- I'm not insane! You didn't let me finish. Insane!

Judge · Lisa:A gift certificate from JCPenney? Yes. You'll love their slacks.

Judge:Mr. Simpson, under Nevada law, bigamy, or 'Mormon Hold 'Em,' is perfectly legal.

Garth Motherloving · Lawyer · Judge:I'll kill you while you sleep. Objection! I'll allow it.

Judge:Sir, this is a house of justice, not a sugar shack.

Judge:Indeed, Marge. And now that I think of it, I wildly exceeded my authority, and I declare the sugar ban over!

Judge:Homer Simpson, for attempted insecticide and aggravated buggery

Jury Foreman · Judge:Verdict? Is that what we were supposed to do? Well, in all my years on the bench... 'Cause that's what we did!

Judge:Dead Poets Society has destroyed a generation of educators.

Judge:She was run over by a clergyman.

Homer · Judge:Whoo-hoo! You're still mine. And you thought I was a bad dad before ... --except in this case.

Judge:That boy's about as safe living with you as a crawdad in a gumbo shack.

Judge · Homer:I'm a man! / And a very manly one if I may say so, m'Lord.

Judge · Homer:You, sir, are a moron. A mormon?! But I'm from earth!

Judge · Homer:and she was so beautiful, but what man would want her now? She was hot. Wouldn't want her.

Judge · Bart:Bart, the record of your mischief is staggering. Just look at this file. That doesn't look so big. These are directions to the facility where bart's criminal record occupies three full storage lockers.

Bart · Judge:Six feet by eight? Six by 14.

Judge · Bart:We've already got an informer working deep cover on your dad. One he'll never suspect. Is it lenny? Damn it! I mean... uh, no.

Judge:Lordy, girl, your entry stinks like the south end of a north-bound mule!

Judge:Your place-setting thinks it's better than it is, like a yard dog that sneaks into the house!

Judge:Well, you did put it on a table.

Judge:Wobble, wobble, wobble!

Judge:This table's about as solid as your underlying concept.

Judge · Bart:I have a husband. What is he, blind and deaf?

Homer · Judge:Permission to moan? / I'll allow it.

Judge · Dame Judith:Did they name the Toyota Cressida after the play, or the play after the car? Play first, then car. I just lost a thousand dollars.

Bailiff · Judge:Well, I thought if we acted like The People's Court, some day we'd be The People's Court. And, uh, well, a bailiff can dream, can't he? / No, he can't.

Homer · Judge:Now son, I'm not here to judge. - Actually, yes, you are. - Eh, what? Oh, right, I am.

Judge:Oh, we will, but your cow gets to go first.

Judge:The only entry that repels my eye enough to be constructed by a student is this one.