Rainier Wolfcastle

Rainier Wolfcastle · Game Show Host:Help, My Son is a Nerd! My son returns from a fancy East Coast college and I'm horrified to find he's a nerd. [Laughing] I'm laughing already. It's not a comedy.

Rainier Wolfcastle:It's safe and it's sexy. Oh, baby.

Rainier Wolfcastle · Jay Sherman:Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? That's the joke.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Now my Woody Allen impression. I'm a neurotic nerd who likes to sleep with little girls.

Rainier Wolfcastle:The film is just me in front of a brick wall for an hour and a half. It cost $80 million.

Jay Sherman · Rainier Wolfcastle:How do you sleep at night? On top of a pile of money with many beautiful ladies.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Sherman, I just realized you insulted me. Now you will die.

Jay Sherman · Rainier Wolfcastle:Hey, nudnik, your shoe's untied. From here, they appear to be tied. But I will go in for a closer look.

Rainier Wolfcastle:On closer inspection, these are Loafers.

Rainier Wolfcastle · Director:Up and atom. - Up and at them. - Up and atom! - Up and at them! - Better.

Milhouse · Rainier Wolfcastle:Jiminy jillickers! - There, now, there's no need for profanity, Fallout Boy.

Rainier Wolfcastle:My eyes! The goggles do nothing!

Rainier Wolfcastle:My eyes. The goggles do nothing.

Homer · Rainier Wolfcastle:I loved your last McBain movie, Mr. Wolfcastle. Quit stalling, fatty.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Come on! Even my fat mama can touch her toes.

Irene Ryan · Rainier Wolfcastle:You put me down, you big lummox! / Jed! / Shut up, old lady. And stop kicking me there!

Rainier Wolfcastle:Someone please give me a job. I've lowered my quote to eight million.

Rainier Wolfcastle:I plan to tear it down and turn the land into a nature preserve... where I will hunt the deadliest game of all- Man!

Carl Carlson · Other Player · Rainier Wolfcastle:I am taking the ball and going home. / Hey! Hey, that's not your ball! / [Rifle Clicks] The chase begins.

Rainier Wolfcastle:McBain, Officer Nick Vengeance, Sergeant Murder, and I was a voice on the Frasier.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Come. We play Uno. I chase you with hose. No biggie.

Rainier Wolfcastle:One highway, zero city.

Rainier Wolfcastle:If you don't shut your big yap, I will rip off your face and use it as a napkin!

Rainier Wolfcastle:Homer, I see your daughter is one of those whale-kissing, Dukakis-hugging moon maidens.

Rainier Wolfcastle · Homer:Oh, that's just Lara Flynn Boyle. / I have a Boyle on my ass!

Rainier Wolfcastle:Cockfight.

Rainier Wolfcastle:No. Let my muscles hug you.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Three divorces in three months. What can I say, Kent? I'm a romantic.

Rainier Wolfcastle:This was done on her wedding day. Or should I say 'deading' day?

Rainier Wolfcastle:Zip it, Holy Joe.

Rainier Wolfcastle:Miss September... you're gonna have to get in the trunk.

Rainier Wolfcastle:They know you are talking about them.

Rainier Wolfcastle:I used it to carry Rob Schneider in the movie My Baby is an Ugly Man.

Homer · Rainier Wolfcastle:Your heartbeat is so soothing. / Shh. Time for sleep, little fatso.

Rainier Wolfcastle:If tears could burst through my muscular ducts...I would cry like a baby who was just hit by a hammer.