Maggie

If you're pleading with me to have a drink with you, you can stop begging.

I'm Maggie Lizer, as in 'Maggie lies her ass off.' One person laughed at that once, and I don't know why I keep trying it.

Chareth... Cutestory?

How else am I gonna get to work? - You ride a dog to work?

Uh, well, I have an irreversible case of ocular retinoblastoma. - Hey. I thought we said no more law talk.

I really can't see anybody right now. - Oh, well, I can't see anybody ever. - I'm blind. - I'm wasted.

So you didn't get a case of 'I just had a one-night stand with a blind girl'-itus?

I can smell right through you, Chareth. You're reading.

What about you? Don't tell me another pirate is still roaming the high seas.

I'm blind, Michael. I'm not stuffed up.

I smelled you, baby.

Well, you lied to me. Chareth Cutestory?

It's like we're making naughty sex even naughtier.

'Be true to thine own self, and to thine own self...' 'Be true.' Yeah. Number seven.

'D.' 'B' places fourth. 'A'?

Don't worry. You're so ahead.

I think I'm gonna go for... 'I was struck by the Bible and it restored my sight.'

It's not my belly we have to worry about, Your Honor. It's Loretta's. Being tempted day in and day out by those Skip's Scrambles.

Don't worry. You're not the father, Michael. - [Exhales] - No problem. - Really? - Right. - You sure? I mean, uh- I could be.

You can hurl a Bible at the baby.

Fine. Let me get Miss Fat Ass outta here and I'll meet you in the car.

Of course it is, Michael.

Oh, you're so right, Michael. I really can't be trusted. 'Cause I'm fakin' it- not.

Oh, you're so right, Michael, 'cause I'm fakin' it- - But he was proven wrong. - Not.

Go get 'em. - He spanked me! - Did you spank her? - No!

What are you doing? - Okay, so she's fat. - Your Honor, this is an outrage! - Wow. Did I lose this one.

So l- Hey, I outsourced it, okay?

When we're together, it is like- - Magic? - I was gonna say 'train wreck.'

You have got to be kidding me.