Marlene Knope

Salvatore usually does men.

Did she say call her or call her secretary?

Didn't want to have to use this, but her husband got a D.U.I. in Illinois last week. And she's trying to keep it quiet.

Sweetheart, they only give lifetime achievement awards to people who do things like that. Those are eight of the nastiest, most diabolical people you could ever wanna meet.

Tony Tellenson was the worst. He tried to re-segregate the drinking fountains.

But if you find him and he's weird, Like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer Or anyone who pretends toys are people, Then abort the mission.

You gonna try to check me into an old folks' home?

You're not serious, right? Serious as a heart attack. Of which I've had four.

Looks like you got some shirt on your coffee.

Fun anecdote.

Then I'm confused, Ben, because you just told me it was. Five seconds ago.

He's like a goofy, spineless jellyfish.

'You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.' I love Calvin and Hobbes. Me, too!

You two are just the cutest things on four legs! But why so much black? It's like you're going to a funeral.

Four buses. Two. Deal.

It's like the War of the Wyatts out there, huh?

Sometimes, he won the argument, and sometimes I won. But usually, we forgot what we were arguing about and just had sex.

How can you be so wise and so inappropriate at the same time? I'm a parent.